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Old 11-14-2012, 04:18 PM   #1
vintage x metal
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WotW : the ANTHEM

i left to find to find the cosmos in a steaming cup of tea
and stitched the scented diction into patchwork reveries -
you etched a blindly followed smile into the life you would confide in
only fostered in the shadows of the spaces in your sleeves
... i know i'm lying when i say it isn't me,
a secret you hold safely when you wake up from a scream
a name you only murmur as a crumpled memory
(i burned off all your edges when we walked into the sea).

but I am a magician and you are forever muse
and I've gained a million lovers from the one I had to lose.
fuck you, fuck your face, I will tear it into pieces
& eat off all the flesh; praise apollo, praise jesus.
even though you sit deflated in the throne of your own castle
you've equipped me with the tools to find the beauty in an asshole -
so run, my little minion, you are now forever knighted
as the shit I first got high off, and for that I am delighted.
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Old 11-17-2012, 03:48 AM   #2
lillianyang
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Thanks for sharing,good article.I like it,I’m looking forward to read other articles.Awesome topic, like it!
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Old 11-17-2012, 07:56 PM   #3
kdownes
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I love how quickly and unexpectedly the tone of this piece changes, and yet it still retains this amazingly fluid wordplay and almost playful writing style. I always enjoy your work.
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Old 11-18-2012, 09:21 AM   #4
girlgerms007
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I like the first stanza, but the second just became abusive and the poetry in it was ruined. I think you could have achieved the same effect by employing your skill with words better.
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Old 11-18-2012, 05:01 PM   #5
#1 synth
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publish a book plz.
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Old 11-19-2012, 12:08 PM   #6
Cyclones41
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The only thing I didn't like about this was the "**** your face" part. The rest is perfect. I had the same thoughts as Kyle.
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Old 11-19-2012, 05:34 PM   #7
seventh_angel
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I've actually liked the second stanza a whole lot more than the first. The rhyming and the flow were wonderful. Just two things I'd like to point out that I didn't like:

The Jesus rhyme sounded really forced. Maybe not THAT forced, but it really stood out from the others. But that's just a nitpick.

Now, what I really think it should be fixed is the third line from the first stanza. It may be just me, but it really is a disruption to the flow of the rest of the whole poem; and since it's one of the strengths of the piece, I didn't like how it was ruined on that line. But I may be reading it in a wrong way.

All in all, an enjoyable read this was!
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Old 11-19-2012, 06:13 PM   #8
Madzää
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damn, that's all I can say. terribly sorry for not posting more lately.
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Old 11-19-2012, 11:28 PM   #9
cubs
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i looooooooooooooove you saadia, marry me, we can live somewhere and chill together


honestly, i enjoyed reading this a lot. it's like it successfully plays on and represents ideas i've been having lately. ahhh, we shall meet, dear. dang. really good.
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Old 11-21-2012, 04:59 PM   #10
vintage x metal
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^ xxxxxoxxxxoxxxx let me call you soon pl0x!!!



dawwww man thanks guys you are awesome. thank you for all the feedback. I am lucky to be part of a community. if you could see me, I'd be blushing heh


I don't have my laptop so I couldn't do a voice recording but I took a quick video. Idk if the images work or not but the voice should play consistently - in case you wanted to know the rhythm I intended (and can maybe help me tweak how it's written so it will read this way!)
http://smg.beta.photobucket.com/use...CN9383.mp4.html
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to alaskan_ninja

Last edited by vintage x metal : 11-21-2012 at 05:00 PM.
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Old 11-25-2012, 04:01 PM   #11
Arthur Curry
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"you've equipped me with the tools to find the beauty in an asshole"

awesome, awesome line


Quote:
Originally Posted by vintage x metal
I don't have my laptop so I couldn't do a voice recording but I took a quick video. Idk if the images work or not but the voice should play consistently - in case you wanted to know the rhythm I intended (and can maybe help me tweak how it's written so it will read this way!)
http://smg.beta.photobucket.com/use...CN9383.mp4.html


Related vids: "Dad shooting the hakim"
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