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Old 10-18-2014, 06:01 PM   #7041
Acϵ♠
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Gore Child
To condense the story: for several reasons I didn't text her on a day which was important to her. We'd never been one of those "why didn't you text me" couples. I get her being very annoyed and angry at me for this, and I took flowers to apologise, but I don't get why she'd break off the relationship for this reason alone.

To me, it feels as though there ought to be a more significant reason to end things.

I figure either she was stressed with moving to a new city and starting at a new uni and overreacted to me not texting, or there's something else that I've completely missed and I keep playing our last few days together through my mind to try and work it out.

It's for that reason that I keep wanting to text her to just chat about things, but I'm trying to leave it about a month just to give things time to settle. I don't think she'd be up for meeting up though, last time she said that would "make it hard for both of us" or something like that.


My gut feeling this whole time is that it was just a convenient excuse. I suspect there's someone else in the picture. I could be totally wrong, but that's what i meant when i said maybe it's better if you don't know.

I will say though that after everyone agrees that you just shouldn't talk to her or meet up with her, if you still go ahead and do it, i won't be offering you any more advice. There's nothing worse than someone who shuns unanimous advice.
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What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
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Old 10-18-2014, 06:26 PM   #7042
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That may be so, but I'd like to know either way.

Do you not think I should talk or meet up with her at all? Not even in a months time or longer?
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Old 10-18-2014, 06:51 PM   #7043
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A month isn't nearly long enough. By the time you're over it, you probably won't even want to meet up with her. You just have to fade out of her memory, she doesn't owe you an explanation as much as you want one. She broke it off, now break her off.
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Originally Posted by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.
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Old 10-19-2014, 03:47 AM   #7044
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Originally Posted by The Gore Child
That may be so, but I'd like to know either way.

Do you not think I should talk or meet up with her at all? Not even in a months time or longer?


what we're saying is you should stop planning or even thinking about meeting up with her for now. this girl is currently still occupying way too much space in your mind. seriously, the whole point of giving this some time is to cut loose!
not to cross of the days until you get to talk to her again!
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Old 10-19-2014, 01:02 PM   #7045
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OK, so I think I agree now it's best not to contact her. I just feel torn over the whole thing. I think I'm just going to start typing how I feel, so sorry if this turns into a rant...

The reason for the breakup doesn't seem good enough for me, and I've spent a lot of time playing the events of the last month through my head to see if there was any sign of anything else happening, trying to look for any other reason. It's driving me mad.

How often does this kind of thing happen at the end of a relationship? That one person is dumped for reasons that don't quite make sense and they never find out why? That's what I'm finding so frustrating, and that's what's tempting me to text her to ask. How do you move past not knowing? Why do you think that an explanation isn't owed?

I still can't shake the feeling that she might get in touch with me though. The whole thing just doesn't seem like her and I wonder if, when more time passes and whatever anger/hurt she feels towards me dies down and she gets settled, she'll reconsider. If she does, how do I respond?

I must admit, I'm feeling rather down about this whole ordeal. For the past week, by the time the evening has worn on, I've started to feel like I'll be alright and I can get on with my life. But every morning, it seems to be the first thing I think about and I torture myself wondering if there was some other reason, if I could have done something differently - silly things like that.

The relationship had become very important to me and seemed to be going somewhere, I just don't get how it can go from that to nothing in the space of a week...

You're right, I'm giving this far too much thought, but it keeps popping up in my head.
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Old 10-19-2014, 01:37 PM   #7046
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well tbh, i actually kinda disagree with ace and a bunch of other people about her not owing you an explanation. ending a relationship of 3 years without anything resembling an explanation? it's essentially a pretty dickish move imo. christ, even "I don't want to explain it" seems better than that. (unless you just don't want to admit that the relationship had actually turned sour a while ago)

also, nobody is enough of a robot to not care about the reasoning behind a break up like that.

then again (which is why i originally didn't want to type this out) obsessing over said reason won't do you any good. hell, if i get this right you now wonder how and when and why she might have possibly cheated on you or other stuff along those lines.
which is NOT helpfull. seriously, stop that! i feel like you still obsess about this whole thing too much so I still think it'd be a terrible idea to contact her now. if she reaches out to you, you don't have to block her imo but don't get in touch with her on your own. get some "you" time, get a hobby, meet friends, go out and don't ****ing do stuff that keeps this whole thing on your screen! no nostalgic/romatic songs! no romance themed movies or any of that crap. try to feel good and don't wallow in self-pity and despair

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Old 10-19-2014, 01:47 PM   #7047
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Originally Posted by CrazyMatt
well tbh, i actually kinda disagree with ace and a bunch of other people about her not owing you an explanation. ending a relationship of 3 years without anything resembling an explanation? it's essentially a pretty dickish move imo. christ, even "I don't want to explain it" seems better than that. (unless you just don't want to admit that the relationship had actually turned sour a while ago)

also, nobody is enough of a robot to not care about the reasoning behind a break up like that.

then again (which is why i originally didn't want to type this out) obsessing over said reason won't do you any good. hell, if i get this right you now wonder how and when and why she might have possibly cheated on you or other stuff along those lines.


I see. Things hadn't turned sour, in fact, they seemed to be on the up: she kept saying how happy she was with things and started talking about what she imagined our future to be like.

What do you suggest then? I just feel that the reason she provided doesn't seem enough of a reason for her to end things, and that's what I keep wondering about. Is there anything I can do about that though?

I don't think she cheated, but I really do wonder if there was another reason that she hasn't said. It just seems a massively overblown reason to end it.

You're right though, I feel I'm self-sabotaging over this. I'd like to get to the point where I feel comfortable living my life just for myself, but at the same time I keep thinking about how well things worked and how nice it would be to still have that relationship...
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Old 10-19-2014, 02:00 PM   #7048
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Originally Posted by CrazyMatt
well tbh, i actually kinda disagree with ace and a bunch of other people about her not owing you an explanation. ending a relationship of 3 years without anything resembling an explanation? it's essentially a pretty dickish move imo. christ, even "I don't want to explain it" seems better than that. (unless you just don't want to admit that the relationship had actually turned sour a while ago)


I agree, if my gf suddenly broke up with me I'd want an explanation, and vice versa. Even i was just some "its not you, its me" crap

+1
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Old 10-19-2014, 02:09 PM   #7049
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Originally Posted by The Gore Child
I see. Things hadn't turned sour, in fact, they seemed to be on the up: she kept saying how happy she was with things and started talking about what she imagined our future to be like.

What do you suggest then? I just feel that the reason she provided doesn't seem enough of a reason for her to end things, and that's what I keep wondering about. Is there anything I can do about that though?

I don't think she cheated, but I really do wonder if there was another reason that she hasn't said. It just seems a massively overblown reason to end it.

You're right though, I feel I'm self-sabotaging over this. I'd like to get to the point where I feel comfortable living my life just for myself, but at the same time I keep thinking about how well things worked and how nice it would be to still have that relationship...


Get out and exercise and do physical activities. Go rock climbing with your friends or jogs around the town or work out on a regular basis. The influx of endorphins and happy brain chemicals will do more for you at this point then talking and rehashing it over and over here.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.
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Old 10-19-2014, 02:55 PM   #7050
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Originally Posted by The Gore Child
What do you suggest then? I just feel that the reason she provided doesn't seem enough of a reason for her to end things, and that's what I keep wondering about. Is there anything I can do about that though?.


man.. listen to ace! fretting over things won't help. you won't find a solution to anything if you keep letting it run rampant in your mind. I can't really give you anymore qualified advice than that I'm afraid.

honestly, i feel like you're just asking us for "permission" to write her concerning the reasoning behind the break-up and all that by now. that should actually tell you that you really should NOT write her at this point. but, like i said several times already, i get that you want to know this stuff. in the end, the decision is yours, we can't really help you with that anymore
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Old 10-20-2014, 05:15 AM   #7051
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Gore Child
OK, so I think I agree now it's best not to contact her. I just feel torn over the whole thing. I think I'm just going to start typing how I feel, so sorry if this turns into a rant...

The reason for the breakup doesn't seem good enough for me, and I've spent a lot of time playing the events of the last month through my head to see if there was any sign of anything else happening, trying to look for any other reason. It's driving me mad.

How often does this kind of thing happen at the end of a relationship? That one person is dumped for reasons that don't quite make sense and they never find out why? That's what I'm finding so frustrating, and that's what's tempting me to text her to ask. How do you move past not knowing? Why do you think that an explanation isn't owed?

I still can't shake the feeling that she might get in touch with me though. The whole thing just doesn't seem like her and I wonder if, when more time passes and whatever anger/hurt she feels towards me dies down and she gets settled, she'll reconsider. If she does, how do I respond?

I must admit, I'm feeling rather down about this whole ordeal. For the past week, by the time the evening has worn on, I've started to feel like I'll be alright and I can get on with my life. But every morning, it seems to be the first thing I think about and I torture myself wondering if there was some other reason, if I could have done something differently - silly things like that.

The relationship had become very important to me and seemed to be going somewhere, I just don't get how it can go from that to nothing in the space of a week...

You're right, I'm giving this far too much thought, but it keeps popping up in my head.


In the end we are just giving you advice. it's your choice to follow it or not.
Of course you feel down and out. that's a normal feeling. A feeling only time will heal.
The time it will take to heal depends on whether you follow the advice or not.

Quicker road to recovery: Follow our advice
Longer road with more misery: Keep contacting her hoping for a reason.

in the end knowing the reason behind a break-up wont make it any less painful.
I can see why you would want to know, but given the fact she didn't give a satisfying reason I'm sure another talk would leave you annoyed yet again.

If it keeps popping up in your head it means you are not doing anything else to get your mind off of things. Go practice your hobbies or find new ones.
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Old 10-20-2014, 03:19 PM   #7052
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Thank you all for your advice.

My day today has been a bit better. It's been three weeks since the incident which led to the breakup, and a week since she text me last. I must admit I've been thinking about her and why the relationship ended, but I haven't felt so frantic about it today.

I've tried to accept the reason she gave me when we broke up, and while I'm not entirely convinced, I'm slightly more relaxed about maybe not knowing the exact reasons. Does this often happen in relationships? And how often do relationships end where both partners agree it's time to end things? I'd hoped that if this relationship ended it would end in that way.

Part of me is still hoping that she'll text in a week, or a month, and that she might think it was a mistake and want to talk things through. The other part of me wonders even if she thought that, she'd be too stubborn to get in touch.

I'm going to try and throw myself into as many new experiences as possible and work on doing the best I can out of my degree and moulding myself into my ideal version of myself. Some of you have advised me that I should start dating, but I don't think I'm quite ready for that.

Thanks again for all your help, this thread has helped me in the past and it certainly hasn't let me down this time.
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Old 10-20-2014, 05:05 PM   #7053
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Gore Child
I've tried to accept the reason she gave me when we broke up, and while I'm not entirely convinced, I'm slightly more relaxed about maybe not knowing the exact reasons. Does this often happen in relationships? And how often do relationships end where both partners agree it's time to end things? I'd hoped that if this relationship ended it would end in that way.


You don't have to accept it. You could be miserable for the rest of your life. She doesn't want you anymore, and whether you know why or not isn't going to help.

This is the norm, mutually agreeing to end it doesn't happen as much as you'd like to believe. Is this your first relationship? You make it sound that way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Gore Child
Part of me is still hoping that she'll text in a week, or a month, and that she might think it was a mistake and want to talk things through. The other part of me wonders even if she thought that, she'd be too stubborn to get in touch.


Good luck riding the misery express. She won't call you. Just wait until the moment you find out she has a new boyfriend, because I'd bet my life you've been snooping through her social media. When that happens, that's when it's going to sting.

Nobody goes through the headache of a breakup, if they're not sure they don't want to be with you. And even if she did make a mistake, you'd have to have value yourself similarly to dirt to even think about getting back with her.
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Old 10-20-2014, 06:24 PM   #7054
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I'm not sure if I'm reading the tone of your comment correctly, megano28, but you seem rather bitter.

No, this isn't my first relationship, but it is my longest and the one I've felt most strongly about.

And no, I haven't been snooping through her social media, as I said earlier, I deleted her from Facebook and Twitter.

As I've written previously in this thread, I was thinking of texting her, but I was persuaded that that certainly wasn't the best way to deal with it.

Apologies if I've misconstrued the tone of your reply.
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Old 10-20-2014, 08:08 PM   #7055
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Originally Posted by The Gore Child
The reason for the breakup doesn't seem good enough for me, and I've spent a lot of time playing the events of the last month through my head to see if there was any sign of anything else happening, trying to look for any other reason. It's driving me mad.

How often does this kind of thing happen at the end of a relationship? That one person is dumped for reasons that don't quite make sense and they never find out why? That's what I'm finding so frustrating, and that's what's tempting me to text her to ask. How do you move past not knowing? Why do you think that an explanation isn't owed?.
Yeah it happens pretty often. The thing is the reasons why are good enough reasons for the person that decided to initiate the break up but not necessarily good enough reasons for the other person.

So they're left wondering why. The problem is that whatever answer you get - it won't really satisfy the question you're asking. Because the question isn't really driven by the rational pursuit of answers (even though it seems that way) - it's actually driven by emotional grief over the loss of someone close to you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Gore Child
You're right, I'm giving this far too much thought, but it keeps popping up in my head.
And it will continue to do so for a while, and then less so, and then less so. What you're going through is not unusual. Sometimes understanding your feelings can help...have a look at:
http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7...s-of-grief.html
or
http://www.psychforums.com/relationship/topic84035.html

I can see some signs of various stages within your posts. Mostly denial. You'll get there. One of the hardest things that I had to come to grips with was that I will never know the why. There was no valid reason that would satisfy me because the question was driven by my emotions and even when I got answers they were never good enough because it they didn't address the emotional grief I was dealing with.

Hopefully this makes sense. Good luck buddy.

You will get through it,
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Old Yesterday, 03:17 AM   #7056
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Ok, simple problem, probably with a really simple answer.....

One of my friends from high school has been messaging me a lot lately, by way of background, she asked me out when I was about 15 and I turned her down, and we've remained good friends since, and I've been perfectly comfortable with that. Anyway, I moved out of my home town about 3 years ago and haven't seen her in ages, and she starts messaging me out of the blue asking if I want to come on a holiday with her when she graduates uni, or if I want to come up and visit her at Christmas or New Years.....

My dilemma is, she could just be being really nice (although it seems a bit odd to suddenly happen after 3 years with hardly any contact), or I'm not sure if she's trying to hit on me, and I don't really want to say anything and kill the friendship, or say something and get the awkwardness of it her simply being really nice

Thoughts?
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Old Yesterday, 03:24 AM   #7057
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Take it as it comes. If you're on friendly terms and you want to hang out with her as a friend then go. If she tries anything then shoot it down.
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Old Yesterday, 04:40 AM   #7058
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sounds a lot like she's planning to make a move on you mate
or at least like she's expecting something to come out of this

i highly doubt she's doing it all out of friendliness

@gore child: i think tigers put it perfectly. maybe the reason is there, you're just not accepting it! maybe she was truthfull to you about the reasoning behind the break-up! i didn't really think of this at first but it seems like a pretty damned good explanation.

hope you're coming to terms with this stuff soon
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Old Yesterday, 04:59 AM   #7059
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Originally Posted by i_lovemetallica
Ok, simple problem, probably with a really simple answer.....

One of my friends from high school has been messaging me a lot lately, by way of background, she asked me out when I was about 15 and I turned her down, and we've remained good friends since, and I've been perfectly comfortable with that. Anyway, I moved out of my home town about 3 years ago and haven't seen her in ages, and she starts messaging me out of the blue asking if I want to come on a holiday with her when she graduates uni, or if I want to come up and visit her at Christmas or New Years.....

My dilemma is, she could just be being really nice (although it seems a bit odd to suddenly happen after 3 years with hardly any contact), or I'm not sure if she's trying to hit on me, and I don't really want to say anything and kill the friendship, or say something and get the awkwardness of it her simply being really nice

Thoughts?


A long time friend decided to want to hang out with you again. don't try to see things that aren't (yet) there. If I were you I'd go along and see where it goes.
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