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Old 04-27-2013, 08:24 AM   #1
canvasDude
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the vehicle is the body of the soul

Hey, I haven't posted or lurked in years, but I still recognize a few friendly names. Just thought I'd share this.


the vehicle is the body of the soul (empty)
with supple skin stitched seams.
silently like each bright beam
violently vibrant visions stream
via the seven slippery speeds,
the psychedelics and the weed
yet remains unseen (still empty)

a black ghost like a black bull
blasts through the black night
with no fight,
full force full pull (but the void)
six cylinders ignite the sprayed petrol
which blooms like a beautiful flower
with propellant push pollen power
from the front hull,
but a hollow shell holding (the void)
like my melancholy skull (I meander)
wish I had a spot to stop at
like the lunar lander (but where are its passengers?)
no love lives lives all the blander
am I just a carpenter with a sander?
slowly sanding away at the surface,
trying to reveal a hidden purpose?

in this cockpit of this cog bits machine
speeding severely (still steering clearly)
I yearn for the yarn of an undreamt dream
that I can unravel, but instead feeling dead I travel
tirelessly, but with freshly treaded tires,
connecting wirelessly with 1,000 other liars (still empty)
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Old 04-27-2013, 10:43 PM   #2
24WildRovers
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Yeah I remember you from forever ago, nice to see you again.

As far as this goes I like it, it seems to flow fairly well and I like the areas that you used words to slow the reader down, then cleared it up to move them along again. That's something I haven't seen in a while. Great work
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Old 04-28-2013, 12:34 PM   #3
canvasDude
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Thanks man, it's always nice to get a little feedback. Maybe I'll drop by here more often.
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