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Old 02-13-2013, 01:47 PM   #1
OKSauce
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Location: Swansea, Wales
The Selfish People (cut-up poem)

This was just an experiment. It's a cut-up poem - I wrote each line separately then rearranged them at random. I didn't meddle with the random order. The results were quite interesting. Strangely, a few of the couplets ended up in the order they were written in, though I'm not sure why this was.

The Selfish People

Gently opening the morning curtains
Another bath, another path
Another moan, another phone
Through the modern mayhem bright
9 AM appears again
On a moon-washed avenue.
Silver bullet pistol shots -
Whirlpool chasms scream aloud -
Winding fibrous.

I love you because you love me,
Your golden hair flashing.
Bonsai universe, swirling green,
In the violence of the night.

Another day, another way.

Turn the deadwood doorknob.
Down the nylon street,
Pebble dashed shanty rockets.
In the dandelion meadow,
The sun yawns bright and yellow.

Darkened campfires wail -
Tear your paper mask in two.
In the neon lampshade glow,
You swerve through firework gardens.
Nails peel another clementine,
Leaving none for the selfish people.
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Old 02-14-2013, 10:39 AM   #2
Nilchii
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Out of curiosity, did you add the punctuation afterwards, or did you write each line including punctuation before rearranging the lines?

Cool experiment.

peace
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Old 02-14-2013, 10:50 AM   #3
Eccer
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Well what to say, it's indeed a very experimental piece. But I think it worked somehow, strangely. And I really do see myself in this; it's kind of like just another day passing by. And to me it talks about one self’s ego, keeping things as it is.

Overall, really colorful imagery and a healthy use of words.

Check out my newest piece, if you have time
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Last edited by Eccer : 02-14-2013 at 07:04 PM.
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Old 02-14-2013, 11:11 AM   #4
OKSauce
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Thanks guys! I did mostly add the punctuation afterwards, apart from commas in the middle of lines. Glad you guys enjoyed it.
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Old 02-18-2013, 12:57 PM   #5
StreetBass252
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I like this, has something very special to it.
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Old 02-18-2013, 03:10 PM   #6
OKSauce
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetBass252
I like this, has something very special to it.


Thanks, very kind of you!
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Old 02-19-2013, 01:03 AM   #7
unicornicopia
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If I remember right, Thom Yorke wrote pages and pages of lyrics and cut up individual lines and drew them from a hat for the large majority of the Kid A/Amnesiac sessions, and Kid A's widely regarded as one of the best records of the 2000's.

There's something to this in the same way that there's something to that.
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Old 02-19-2013, 09:48 AM   #8
OKSauce
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Quote:
Originally Posted by unicornicopia
If I remember right, Thom Yorke wrote pages and pages of lyrics and cut up individual lines and drew them from a hat for the large majority of the Kid A/Amnesiac sessions, and Kid A's widely regarded as one of the best records of the 2000's.

There's something to this in the same way that there's something to that.


The approach does seem to work surprisingly well, maybe more people should try using it in writing.
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