Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > Music > Songwriting & Lyrics
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old 06-03-2014, 07:31 PM   #1
LorenzoAndMe
Registered User
 
LorenzoAndMe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Jesus

Ok so I kinda write the lyrics for my band and some friend's bands/solo projects and I feel like I can post something, which is my oldest song, like I wrote it a year ago or something, so it's very cheesy and teenager-like, I improved a lot, but it sounds good with the music. I'm also french so I'm sorry if my English is bad or anything. But anyway here it is :

It's called Jesus (so artsy) :

I call him Jesus
And he's my prophet
'Cause he taught me life
And he broke my mind
He brought me sins
And now we act like twins
Showed me life on the go
He gaved me love and soul
His adress's on my skin

But she's waiting for you
Like I'm waiting for you
Layed down in dark alleys
With nothing for no one
With everything for them
I can do it for once
Like I knew how it's made
Like you would call my name

I absolve
'Cause this thing's absurd
I hear his voice on a record
And it gives me a hard on
I look at the moon
And it's smiling like you
I hear them call
And they sing like you

They're waiting for me
Like you're waiting for me
But I know their cars
And I know their wifes
I do it sometimes
'Cause I know how it's made
It's always been that way

Jesus played no games with me
He won't play with you
And he's got a girl too
She is watching you

I am waiting for you
I am crying for you
Like you knew I would do
Like I thought I was through
I am waiting for you
I am waiting for you
But he's got a girl too
LorenzoAndMe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2014, 10:25 PM   #2
Pastafarian96
Strumming the 'lele
 
Pastafarian96's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Tin Pan Alley
What style does your band play?
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by slapsymcdougal
Well, public masturbating sounds a lot like public mass debating, so it's kind of like preparation for politics, right?
Pastafarian96 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2014, 02:09 AM   #3
LorenzoAndMe
Registered User
 
LorenzoAndMe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Well it's kind of a 90's Cat Power/Jeff Buckley style, and we uses a lot of tempo shifts usually between verses and chorus
LorenzoAndMe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2014, 03:46 PM   #4
Victorgeiger
Registered User
 
Victorgeiger's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
I love three things about these lyrics. 1. There is a story and things are happening. I love this, keeps me engaged makes me care.
2. It has a great ending. Like I can tell there is a lot of energy in the ending
3. The word play and rhythm is good. surprising since English isn't your first language.

Nice very well done
__________________

News, reviews, guitar lessons and

Victorgeiger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2014, 07:21 PM   #5
LorenzoAndMe
Registered User
 
LorenzoAndMe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Wow thank you I didn't expect that. I'll keep your advices in mind, especially for the story-telling, because I thought that maybe it would be boring.
LorenzoAndMe is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:58 PM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.