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Old 01-09-2014, 07:12 PM   #1
#1 synth
Weeow!
 
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WotW - we always said wed go down in flames, didn't we Hil?

there were nights we lit candles
and sent them down the willamette river in brown porcelain boats

there were days we skipped rocks
into the mouth of the atlantic ocean
and bit our tongues until they bled

there were years we scrapped the barnacles off our hulls
with whiskey bottle shards
and cut our hair short
with the safety clasp stomped off our scissors

but there were also moments
in the dark
when your cold heel
brushed my calf
and God whispered
some song unintelligible
that soothed the wind
battering the aluminum siding

that broke our hearts open on the rocks
long enough
to light the candles









~
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Old 01-10-2014, 08:07 PM   #2
culex-knight
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Location: In the bucket at the end of time.
<3
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じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


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Old 01-10-2014, 09:03 PM   #3
SubwayToVenus
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gorgeous
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here, My Dear, here it is
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Old 01-10-2014, 09:47 PM   #4
5wFisher
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that's good sh*t!
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ESAD
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Old 01-12-2014, 04:18 AM   #5
jiminizzle
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scrapped or scraped?

this seems more like your stride. 4th stanza felt vital and young. great.
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Old 01-13-2014, 05:05 AM   #6
circular.parade
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best thing I've read from you in quite a while. meaning this is quite good
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Old 01-13-2014, 03:47 PM   #7
hippieboy444
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this is brilliant. great read, thanks.
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poem
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Old 01-13-2014, 04:59 PM   #8
JustRooster
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3rd stanza. God damn.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spud Spudly
Heck I killed a grizzly with a telecaster. Tex-Mex pickups too. Imagine what I could have done with twang kings or something like that.

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Old 01-13-2014, 06:11 PM   #9
BlindRabbit
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Not coherent enough IMO, prose is probably the easiest writing to create and therefore least impressive.
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Old 01-13-2014, 06:37 PM   #10
CarnivalBeam
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Loved it!
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Old 01-13-2014, 07:21 PM   #11
DealWithIt41ce
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Beautiful. Great job.
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Old 01-14-2014, 01:45 AM   #12
jiminizzle
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlindRabbit
Not coherent enough IMO, prose is probably the easiest writing to create and therefore least impressive.

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Old 01-14-2014, 03:34 AM   #13
brokencoastline
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wonderful moments for sure. i'll be carrying the fourth stanza around with me. all i'd consider is having the last two lines as one, somehow it sounds better to me drawn out.
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images.
screens.

behind these two hills here I fall asleep.
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Old 01-22-2014, 02:25 PM   #14
#1 synth
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thanks everyone! and good point, blind rabbit.
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