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Old 01-20-2009, 02:54 PM   #1
kunvulshuns
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Location: Wahiawa, Hawaii
To My Daughter:

I write these words in the wind,
a summer breeze that wraps around you as you smile so sweetly;
innocently twirling to the sound in happiness -
a happiness that I have given you.

Let them hold you with gentle arms,
as softly as a father holds his newborn daughter - as I hold you;
whispering promises in your ear that you have yet to understand.
Breathe in and blossom, let these words give you air just as you have given me.
And if you ever lose your step just listen to the wind.

For I will be there.
Waiting for your smile...

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

meh, just figured I'd post something. Old but who cares.
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Old 01-20-2009, 02:59 PM   #2
ginjaninja
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I read this on your blogs months ago.

cute.

Does this mean you'll be coming back?

might be back.
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Old 01-20-2009, 03:11 PM   #3
lightafterdark
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Nice Job! i really enjoyed it. i like the ending the best.
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Old 01-20-2009, 03:11 PM   #4
kunvulshuns
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Does a star ever stay put in the night sky?

You might find me.

Thanks for the read buddy.
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Old 01-20-2009, 03:17 PM   #5
lightafterdark
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do you have any others?
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Old 01-20-2009, 04:23 PM   #6
therealtater
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Very good I didnt really see anything wrong with it good job if you dont mind criting one of mine choose one from my sig
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Finding solace

Untitled OTS
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Old 01-20-2009, 04:49 PM   #7
ginjaninja
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I'm not sure about this. I can see you writing this in 10 minutes, and being proud of it. There is nothing here but raw love for your daughter, and some pretty words.

I don't know...i just didn't really connect, in any way.


There was nothing outstanding here, either bad or great.


C4C?
headrush.

Last edited by ginjaninja : 01-20-2009 at 05:22 PM.
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Old 01-20-2009, 09:12 PM   #8
SilenceEvolves
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I don't understand this, and I'm ashamed of it. You present a simple feeling, so distinct and beautiful, and I really wish I could relate, that I could feel what you were feeling as you wrote this, as you look at her.

I thank you for sharing this feeling with me.

....

though, if I somehow impregnate a girl earlier than I intend to, I'm going to come back to this and blame you for it.
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Old 01-22-2009, 06:28 PM   #9
kunvulshuns
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilenceEvolves
though, if I somehow impregnate a girl earlier than I intend to, I'm going to come back to this and blame you for it.




Thanks for the read guys.

When you do have kids, you'll know what I mean. HOPEFULLY.

LOVE YOUR KIDS GODAMMIT!!
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Old 01-22-2009, 07:40 PM   #10
AngryGoldfish
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- "innocently twirling to the sound in happiness -"
- This is the only line that I feel a slight dislike for.

To be honest, when I was halfway through reading this, I was expecting a really dramatic ending; something really overwhelming and desperately depressing. But I love the fact that you just ended it in the fashion that it began. It was a surprise and, oh, how I love surprises.
There is little here for me to nitpick. It's very pretty and ultimately, touching.
It's also different and, although I do not have a child of my own, I have been the father to my little sister after my da' kicked us out when she was born three years ago. There isn't really a method to describing that kind of love.
If you're interested, I wrote these lyrics ages ago about her and used them over my favourite song that me and my band play - 'Bottles'.
We recorded it roughly a while back and it's posted on my band's page, Poor Reeves. If you're interested?

Yeah, so I really enjoyed this. It's surprising how something as simple as this can feel so memorable and important. It's just honesty, epitomized.

Thanks for getting to mine.

Digitally Clean

Last edited by AngryGoldfish : 01-22-2009 at 07:41 PM.
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