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Old 01-20-2009, 03:19 PM   #1
JimmyPage97
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Deus Ex Machina (Post/Progressive Metal) C4C

Hey Everyone,

Been working on this song for awhile, it's a mass of the post-rock I've been listening to and some Metal I've also been checking out. It's not ALL the way done yet, but very close, I think I just need an ending, or maybe a reprise.

What do you all think?

(As always, Crit for Crit)
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Old 01-20-2009, 03:27 PM   #2
relicmusic1990
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Very soft and mellow for the intro and til the part that says harder, lol. I liked it.

Like i said for the intro and temes: Very mellow and well written. it dragged me into the song.

the harder part, is exactly that harder, and i liked it. the 5/8 part reminded me of tool, nice job dude.

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Old 01-20-2009, 03:37 PM   #3
Birchall17
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It was pretty good at the beginning but then it got kind of boring and repetitive and it just seems like at several points in the song it's building up to something big but then the same thing repeats again.
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Old 01-21-2009, 06:15 PM   #4
Behzad93
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Reminds of God Is An Astronaut . Really like it! I'll do a detailed crit tommorow.
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Emancipated
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The Nuclear Winter
Bottom of the Abyss
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Old 01-21-2009, 07:08 PM   #5
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Hey thanks, Behzad, looking forward to it.

And GIAA f*cking owns.
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Old 01-21-2009, 07:28 PM   #6
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Loved that. I think that overall it's really well written, but I think the distortion part detracts from the atmosphere a bit, and the atmosphere the clean section builds is what really makes the song stand out. Maybe it might be better suited to being an interlude sort of piece? Then you could use it to lead into something with a heavier opening.
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Old 01-21-2009, 07:39 PM   #7
descara
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You make very good use of both 6/4 and 5/4 in this song. However, it feels really repetitive all throughout. Adding some simple, repeated, melodies, in the higher register, extending the synth's parts, things like that. Even though the themes themselves have a nice feel about them, the song as a whole mainly traggles on without rising/descending much in intensity.

Another thing was that I felt you used drum fills way to frequently at times, taking away from their effect.

The 5/8 part is a really nice touch. As for an ending, if you made the song as a whole more intense I think you could end the song as you do now (though preferably with some escalation, not just the same thing 4 times over).


Well, that's my view on this anyway. I do listen to post-rock from time to time as well as ambient and doom, so it's not the length or such putting me off. Still, great work with the time signatures.


As for C4C, care to crit "And so I walk"? Link's in my sig, old song but I could use some opinions on it.
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Old 01-21-2009, 08:12 PM   #8
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Great Piece.

I loved the atmosphere that you created with the first 3/4 of that piece. Great use of the time signatures, it sounded like that the time signatures were natural instead of forced. It was repetitive but still somewhat interesting.

Then the harder part at the end was great, it really gave it the intensity it needed. It also fitted nicely into the piece .

C4C?

It's a progressive piece as well btw
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Old 01-21-2009, 09:52 PM   #9
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...Meh. Boring, tbh.

It seemed like it would start to build nicely, then you'd just kill it with repeats. It'd build, then go nowhere and be absolute anti-climax.

There's not enough here of actual prog... That said, if you can just put in sections where it would make a good rising and falling action in the song, it'd be good.

You should really listen to Nahemah. They do progressive metal with post rock very well. It could give you some good ideas.
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Old 01-22-2009, 11:05 AM   #10
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Thanks for the feedback. What I'm getting so far is I need to put more progressiveness (rising and falling action, building on it's own melodies) in there.

And less repeats, lol.

I'll crit all back who I haven't critted today, later.

Thanks everyone, keep them coming please!
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Old 01-22-2009, 11:06 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Burning_Angel
...Meh. Boring, tbh.

It seemed like it would start to build nicely, then you'd just kill it with repeats. It'd build, then go nowhere and be absolute anti-climax.

There's not enough here of actual prog... That said, if you can just put in sections where it would make a good rising and falling action in the song, it'd be good.

You should really listen to Nahemah. They do progressive metal with post rock very well. It could give you some good ideas.


And I will listen to Nahemah, thanks alot. I'll see if I like them, and thanks for the constructive criticism.
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Old 01-23-2009, 01:32 PM   #12
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hum , well i could see a lot of potential in there but actually you messed it up a bit
in parts :

Intro , the idea is good but i don't like the repetition , maybe just try not to repeat the chords but to build up a mor interesting chors progression , also the drums in my eyes seems very underdevelopped , you you not just let them play eights on the toms but add a more orchestral maybe timpani like patter on it

Intro A: repetition is ok here , but in my eyes it the killer to stop with the drum beat at the end of each measure in the second half , maybe you could change it into a more interesting continuos patter in the drums , also the same chors are a bit boring , maybe try something completely different here

Theme B : pretty much the same as i said in Intro A

Theme C: Not very special, thought of maybe a guitar solo in here , might fit , also alternate the chords!!!

Harder: the first two measures are all right but 43 to 48 is ****in boring , try some riffs in here not just one note in different rhytms all the time 51 to 54 is not that special neither

i'm really sorry , there are some great in there and when i heard the first thre measures i really felt good about it but all those repetition and those chords are way to long , it seems like you don't really know where you want to go in this peace , very much work still to be done here

Please Recrit : Identify (Progressive Rock)

Thanks in advance
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Old 01-24-2009, 12:02 PM   #13
Behzad93
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Instead of writting a wall of crit, I felt I could express myself some other way. I toke your tab and edited it a bit. Changed what I didn't, kept what I thought was cool, and I even made an ending for you. Hope you like it, took me quit some time to this.

Enjoy!
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File Type: zip Deus Ex Machina.zip (3.6 KB, 26 views)
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C4C

Emancipated
Demented
The Nuclear Winter
Bottom of the Abyss
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Old 01-25-2009, 05:25 PM   #14
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I enjoyed this a lot at first, then it just started feeling same-y. I guess feel the same way as everyone else, I think you need a bit more variety to this structure. The individual ideas, though, I really really like. It reminds me a bit of something that Mono would do. Once you finish writing the song I have a feeling it'll all come together quite nicely, just add an ending and maybe a couple more melodies here and there, and you'll have a fine track.


C4C would go here then. . .
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