01-14-2008, 12:50 AM
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UG God
Join Date: Feb 2007
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Finally,
C4S
somebody at random, will get a crit for any I get. But I'll definitely read your stuff. Finally, it’s time to make a move. No more waiting. Gating decisions be damned, I’ll make the choice to do, or do not. No life is perfect, no decision irreversible, no mistake irreparable, save for the mistake of remaining inert. I’ll not stay trapped within a prison of regret, for not making the right choice, in decisions not yet reached. I'll move forward. I will choose tomorrow.
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Meadows Quote:
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08-14-2009, 11:23 AM
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The Wild Hippy Rover
Join Date: May 2008
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'Gating' Doesn't fit that at all. You could try to use a more common word because even with my dictionary I could figure out what that means. Besides that one word the whole thing is a really good piece and I can see this as a really good song  Keep on Writing
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Comments or Suggestions Suggested Changes I am the 24 Wild Rovers If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys    :   
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08-14-2009, 11:51 AM
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A man among gods.
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Far beyond the sun.
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If something is gated in (or gating him in) than it is surrounded by a barrier. A gated community is one that can only be entered through...the gate. It's synonymous for fence or hedge.
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Leader of the Sarcasm Gestapo. PM me to be laughed at and denied admission. Recent Writing: This One Locke and Keynes Love like a morning mist Wearing our souls The fourth |
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08-14-2009, 04:12 PM
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UG God
Join Date: Feb 2007
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wow, old thread is old!
still, there were never any replies on it, so I suppose no harm, no foul. be careful of that, in general. once a piece has had its day in the sun and had sufficient replies, best to just leave it dormant. "gating decisions" was a term we used when i worked on a strategy committee. until they were made, other decisions could not be reached. everything hinged on the choices made there. it was sloppy of me to use a little-known term like that in a piece this short. without defining it by context, few would understand the meaning. thanks for the comments. 
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08-14-2009, 05:11 PM
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samoKai
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Flensburg
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it's slightly depressing. The use of the term 'Gating decisions' adds to the strange sense of alienation I (or one can) get from this, a result maybe of too large a topic (becoming a better person I guess) combined with too much brevity. It's too brief. And after the ten seconds or one minute or however long it takes to read it, you have not been lifted up, but have been let down, so you're in the negative, emo-lly. you haven't lifted us up anywheres. It's comforting knowing nobody's perfect, but that is logical mind/rational mind Auskunft, and the visceral feeling is perhaps only present to a subjective degree in the form, and not really found in the substance.
Maybe I feel like it's too 'entire life' seeming. Reality, folks. The last line: Quote:
.. would it's meaning change if it were separated from the rest of the piece by a space or two? The line before it and this last line ending with a period? As if to say, 'put off all this important stuff about my life until tomorrow' - a sort of perpetual procrastination description. Or were you going for the usual suspect? Because I was thinking, this might be (have been) an interesting twist ending. ..pretty weak critique I know
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the cruel april Last edited by parkt921k : 08-14-2009 at 06:50 PM. |
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