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Old 01-14-2008, 12:50 AM   #1
SomeoneYouKnew
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Finally,

C4S
somebody at random, will get a crit for any I get.
But I'll definitely read your stuff.




Finally,
itís time to make a move.
No more waiting. Gating
decisions be damned, Iíll
make the choice to do,
or do not. No life is
perfect,
no decision irreversible,
no mistake irreparable,
save for the mistake of
remaining inert.
Iíll not stay trapped
within a prison of regret,
for not making the right choice,
in decisions not yet reached.
I'll move forward. I will choose
tomorrow.
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Old 08-14-2009, 11:23 AM   #2
24WildRovers
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Quote:
Finally,
itís time to make a move.
No more waiting. Gating

'Gating' Doesn't fit that at all. You could try to use a more common word because even with my dictionary I could figure out what that means.

Besides that one word the whole thing is a really good piece and I can see this as a really good song Keep on Writing
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Old 08-14-2009, 11:51 AM   #3
denizenz
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 24WildRovers
'Gating' Doesn't fit that at all. You could try to use a more common word because even with my dictionary I could figure out what that means.

Besides that one word the whole thing is a really good piece and I can see this as a really good song Keep on Writing

If something is gated in (or gating him in) than it is surrounded by a barrier. A gated community is one that can only be entered through...the gate. It's synonymous for fence or hedge.
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Old 08-14-2009, 04:12 PM   #4
SomeoneYouKnew
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wow, old thread is old!
still, there were never any replies on it, so I suppose no harm, no foul.
be careful of that, in general. once a piece has had its day in the sun and had sufficient replies, best to just leave it dormant.

"gating decisions" was a term we used when i worked on a strategy committee.
until they were made, other decisions could not be reached. everything hinged on the choices made there. it was sloppy of me to use a little-known term like that in a piece this short. without defining it by context, few would understand the meaning.

thanks for the comments.
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Originally Posted by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
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Old 08-14-2009, 05:11 PM   #5
parkt921k
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it's slightly depressing. The use of the term 'Gating decisions' adds to the strange sense of alienation I (or one can) get from this, a result maybe of too large a topic (becoming a better person I guess) combined with too much brevity. It's too brief. And after the ten seconds or one minute or however long it takes to read it, you have not been lifted up, but have been let down, so you're in the negative, emo-lly. you haven't lifted us up anywheres. It's comforting knowing nobody's perfect, but that is logical mind/rational mind Auskunft, and the visceral feeling is perhaps only present to a subjective degree in the form, and not really found in the substance.

Maybe I feel like it's too 'entire life' seeming. Reality, folks.

The last line:
Quote:
I will choose
tomorrow.


.. would it's meaning change if it were separated from the rest of the piece by a space or two? The line before it and this last line ending with a period? As if to say, 'put off all this important stuff about my life until tomorrow' - a sort of perpetual procrastination description. Or were you going for the usual suspect? Because I was thinking, this might be (have been) an interesting twist ending.

..pretty weak critique I know
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