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Old 02-19-2009, 05:43 PM   #1
ottoavist
is harming feelings.
 
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Location: the essence that was Eden.
WoTW - RMA, 1/23/09; to rest, at last.

RMA, 1/23/09; to rest, at last.

alone, synchronically atoned
with parallel rapiers
and i'm in between them,
always.
i slide back and forth
through the
perpetual tides of
wind-carried blades,
pocketing a name in the back
of my head, that i'm still afraid to
speak aloud.

diced, i carry on
singing songs about the one
i love and differ from, so very much.
two me's and i'm the shorter straw.
i lost the draw.
been losing them all as of late.

sometimes i leave them behind,
in the flat-carbonation at the bottom of the bottle
spilt on the coffee table
soaked into a towel and stuffed into the bin.
in the last draw of a cigarette when it burns down
to the filter
and the choke for a second mentions subtle
recollections; and i see me, being mashed down
into the ashtray, til the fire is smothered.
i wonder what happened to the time
and feel so useless; unprepared to repair
the punctured organic canvas that is me, this is me.

maybe you won't understand, but that's ok;
you're way more involved now than you'd realize.

i guess,
sometime when i obtain the courage to visit
you;
God, you, and i can talk about this reasonably.

although; i don't expect a response from either of you, and i'll be ok with that.
...i hope.
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secret, aaaaagent maaan.

Last edited by ottoavist : 02-19-2009 at 05:53 PM.
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Old 02-19-2009, 05:45 PM   #2
#1 synth
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Old 02-19-2009, 05:58 PM   #3
parkt921k
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wow
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Old 02-20-2009, 01:50 AM   #4
kdownes
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to risk being a sheep
Wow


I don't think i've ever been let down by a piece of yours. You are too good for us all
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Old 02-20-2009, 12:36 PM   #5
ottoavist
is harming feelings.
 
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you guys are wonderful.
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- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
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Old 02-23-2009, 06:28 PM   #6
Bleed Away
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**** Yeah!

edit: I shall be back to crit this but for now this definitely deserves wotw; well done.
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Last edited by Bleed Away : 08-30-2009 at 03:53 PM.
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Old 02-23-2009, 07:29 PM   #7
AngryGoldfish
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I found this to be very different from you. Recently, I've noticed a change in your style and this is a perfect example of that development; it feels more honest and heartfelt, while the rhyming seems perfect and real, showcasing something about your life that is proving to be loyal in terms of inspiration and character.

Thoroughly deserved.
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Old 02-24-2009, 03:55 PM   #8
Bleed Away
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ottoavist
RMA, 1/23/09; to rest, at last.

alone, synchronically atoned
with parallel rapiers
and i'm in between them,
always.
i slide back and forth
through the
perpetual tides of
wind-carried blades,
pocketing a name in the back
of my head, that i'm still afraid to
speak aloud.

I have nothing here to add, dear Kent. This was firce in execution. I can't stop wondering about the vividness from your words; you seem both depressed and humble at the same time. I can't say much except maybe Genius!

diced, i carry on
singing songs about the one
i love and differ from, so very much.
two me's and i'm the shorter straw.
i lost the draw.
been losing them all as of late.

This kept the momentum going very nicely and kept me very interested as a reader.

sometimes i leave them behind,
in the flat-carbonation at the bottom of the bottle
spilt on the coffee table
soaked into a towel and stuffed into the bin.
in the last draw of a cigarette when it burns down
to the filter
and the choke for a second mentions subtle
recollections; and i see me, being mashed down
into the ashtray, til the fire is smothered.
i wonder what happened to the time
and feel so useless; unprepared to repair
the punctured organic canvas that is me, this is me.

There isn't much I can say, because this isn't written conventually. But I did enjoy this and the last line was a beauty.

maybe you won't understand, but that's ok;
you're way more involved now than you'd realize.

That's how I felt by the time I read this

i guess,
sometime when i obtain the courage to visit
you;
God, you, and i can talk about this reasonably.

although; i don't expect a response from either of you, and i'll be ok with that.
...i hope.

I hope so too


I'm not suprised at all that this won WOTW. To be honest I would put this IN my top three pieces ever posted here in UG, I REALLY DO MEAN IT. Well done Kent; you have come a long way. Please keep writing and from that secret place I'm sure your mother would be proud; we all are.
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Last edited by Bleed Away : 02-27-2009 at 07:28 PM.
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Old 02-24-2009, 07:00 PM   #9
mouthofsky
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Congrats
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Old 02-25-2009, 06:41 PM   #10
Duct Tape Hero
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...wow. I haven't been here enough to appreciate much work from anyone, but this one is awesome. I read it twice to take in the sheer awesomeness. otto, if ever you read this thread, i would love to read more.

and i would also like to save this to my computer, so i can read it more.

Last edited by Duct Tape Hero : 03-01-2009 at 12:47 AM.
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Old 02-27-2009, 12:44 PM   #11
Billyjson
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WoTY

When everyone's congratulating you for being named the first writer of the year I'll be able to say, I called it, fools.
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Old 02-27-2009, 06:28 PM   #12
ottoavist
is harming feelings.
 
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thank you guys so much.
unfortunately though, the very special individual that this was written for will never have the chance to lay eyes upon it.

i hope with all my heart that not one of you are ever placed in a position to write a piece such as this.
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- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
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Old 02-27-2009, 07:08 PM   #13
freshtunes
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i don't think anything had made me feel the way i do now. your writing style is so raw and lonesome. but it is also like taking a full, heavy pitcher of beer and slowly pouring it out until it is empty. the way the empty glass shines is wonderful. all of your pitchers shine.
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Old 02-27-2009, 07:10 PM   #14
circular.parade
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Quote:
Originally Posted by freshtunes
i don't think anything had made me feel the way i do now. your writing style is so raw and lonesome. but it is also like taking a full, heavy pitcher of beer and slowly pouring it out until it is empty. the way the empty glass shines is wonderful. all of your pitchers shine.


yes. this. Although I wish you never wrote that, Kent. Your writing is ever growing on me.
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Old 02-27-2009, 07:37 PM   #15
AngryGoldfish
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I'm repeating what Jake is saying - off the record/for the record/whatever record - just uncomparable.
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Old 02-27-2009, 09:26 PM   #16
culex-knight
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Bahh. <3
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Old 03-01-2009, 12:47 AM   #17
Duct Tape Hero
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ottoavist
thank you guys so much.
unfortunately though, the very special individual that this was written for will never have the chance to lay eyes upon it.

i hope with all my heart that not one of you are ever placed in a position to write a piece such as this.


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Old 03-01-2009, 03:46 PM   #18
Martyr's Prayer
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That was killer, no doubt about it. GJ.
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Old 03-01-2009, 03:57 PM   #19
vintage x metal
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Old 03-01-2009, 09:56 PM   #20
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bump.
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