Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > UG Community > The Pit
User Name  
Password
Search:

View Poll Results: Which Jokes are the best? (Choose One)
Jew Jokes 75 8.16%
Baby Jokes 174 18.93%
Sexually Related Jokes 136 14.80%
Michael Jackson Jokes 10 1.09%
Gay/Homo/Bi/Rape Jokes 41 4.46%
Fat Jokes 22 2.39%
Cookies 26 2.83%
Religous 48 5.22%
Other 67 7.29%
I Like them all, and I Wuv Cookies...From your mom! 320 34.82%
Voters: 919. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
Old 03-01-2009, 01:19 AM   #21
faint_spirit
Como estan beetches!?
 
faint_spirit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by JMack
Are you asking if midgets can draw people that are themselves smaller than the average person, or if midget drawings in general are smaller?
faint_spirit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 01:21 AM   #22
kurt18th
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Henderson, NV
what do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?











an erection =)
kurt18th is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 01:22 AM   #23
Haustinj
Banned
 
Haustinj's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: I Love Teh Color RED!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by masturnate42
how did helen keller's parents punish her?














by leaving the plunger in the toilet


Lol
Haustinj is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 01:24 AM   #24
Haustinj
Banned
 
Haustinj's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: I Love Teh Color RED!!!
Whats funnier than a blind hemophilic baby sounded in a room by broken glass?



Seeing The Response On The Janitor's Face When Hes Gotta Clean It Up
Haustinj is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 01:26 AM   #25
burndttoast
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?




Christopher Walken! *rimshot*
burndttoast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 01:26 AM   #26
SPBY
odin's blood fuels me
 
SPBY's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: in front of an amp
Q: whats red and squirmy and in the corner?

A: a baby in a baggy

Q: whats green and red and in the corner?

A: the same baby three weeks later.

F'ed up enough?
__________________

GUITARS CURRENTLY USED
Ibanez RG7621
Ibanez RG121
ESP LTD H-400
SPBY is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 01:29 AM   #27
Cockpuncher 2.0
Registered User
 
Cockpuncher 2.0's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: penetang, ontario, canada
Whats the diference between a dead baby and a corvette?
I dont have a thousand Corvettes in my garage
Whats worse than a truck full of dead babies?
Unloading them with a pitchfork

How we doing so far?
Cockpuncher 2.0 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 01:30 AM   #28
masturnate42
UG Newbie
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
what gets smaller and louder at the same time







a baby in a trash compacter
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spoony_Bard
I hate that...actually I just hate anyone under the age of 16


Quote:
Originally Posted by RockGuitar92
Just get it cut a little. It will grow back. Besides why is it so important to look metal? That's just ******ed.


Gear in profile
masturnate42 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 01:31 AM   #29
Haustinj
Banned
 
Haustinj's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: I Love Teh Color RED!!!
Where's The Dead Baby Thread...I Need A Good Laugh; This Ain't Cutting It.

Scratch THat...Im Laughing now. I Found The Nitrous Oxide

Last edited by Haustinj : 03-01-2009 at 01:34 AM.
Haustinj is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 01:32 AM   #30
777Corey
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Can we please have some racist or anti religious jokes allowed, those dead baby jokes are so lame and unoriginal.
777Corey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 01:34 AM   #31
supralightning
Unstoppable!!
 
supralightning's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Seattle, WA
what do you do when you see two kids lying face down in a pool of blood?














stop laughing and reload
supralightning is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 01:36 AM   #32
masturnate42
UG Newbie
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by 777Corey
Can we please have some racist or anti religious jokes allowed, those dead baby jokes are so lame and unoriginal.


how does a black person kill himself?






takes his car on the interstate, sticks his head out the window and lets his lips beat him to death
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spoony_Bard
I hate that...actually I just hate anyone under the age of 16


Quote:
Originally Posted by RockGuitar92
Just get it cut a little. It will grow back. Besides why is it so important to look metal? That's just ******ed.


Gear in profile
masturnate42 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 01:36 AM   #33
Haustinj
Banned
 
Haustinj's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: I Love Teh Color RED!!!
...

Last edited by Haustinj : 03-01-2009 at 01:41 AM.
Haustinj is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 01:38 AM   #34
MetalManiac_86
Registered User
 
MetalManiac_86's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Canada
3 gay dudes, all dating same guy. He dies, there is an argument over what to do with his ashes.
1st guy: We liked sky-diving together, I want to bring his ashes up for one last jump and let them go free
2nd guy: We always wanted to sail around the world, I'd like to go on one last trip and spread them over the ocean.
3rd guy: Well, I'm gonna make the hottest, spiciest bowl of chili possible with his ashes.

'Wtf would you do that?' the other 2 guys ask.
..."So he can rip the ass out of me one last time"
__________________
"When sh*t becomes valuable, the poor will be born without assholes."
MetalManiac_86 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 01:46 AM   #35
Teh Forest King
Golden Pancake Master
 
Teh Forest King's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Boston
Quote:
Originally Posted by masturnate42
how does a black person kill himself?






takes his car on the interstate, sticks his head out the window and lets his lips beat him to death


oh my god. I laughed.

If George Washington is on the one dollar bill and Abe Lincoln was on the five dollar bill, whats Obama going to be on?


Food Stamp.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by tarlkea
When I say offensive I mean offensive like dressing up as superman in a wheel chair offensive, not penis suit offensive.
Teh Forest King is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 01:49 AM   #36
lastrockgod
Wtf I'm going to Hell!
 
lastrockgod's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: California
Go ahead. I'll let ya all get as f*ucked up as possible.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by EndOfNothing656
Take out the locking nut on ur guitar man! That way u can tune whenever!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Karvid
Usernames are for the weak. I have never created a username in my life and I feel proud of that accomplishment.
lastrockgod is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 01:57 AM   #37
Niki (guitar)
UG's Miss Murderer
 
Niki (guitar)'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Haha 90% of these jokes have been about dead babies...
the pit ftw
Niki (guitar) is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 02:10 AM   #38
Cockpuncher 2.0
Registered User
 
Cockpuncher 2.0's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: penetang, ontario, canada
What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans?
the black ones steal your watch

whats the funniest thing a jew has ever said?
Wait.. this isnt water (Im sorry )
or
*lits furnaces* Whats for dinner?(im still sorry )
Cockpuncher 2.0 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 02:16 AM   #39
A Bad Guitarist
Banned
 
A Bad Guitarist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
If a woman complains when you stick it in her pooper, it means you didn't stab hard enough.

What do you call a thousand dead gays?
A good hunt.

How can you tell if a nigra is about to attack you?
It's breathing.

What's the difference between Jews and pizzas?
Pizzas don't scream in the oven.

What happens when a jew with an erection walks into a wall?
His nose breaks.

Last edited by A Bad Guitarist : 03-01-2009 at 02:23 AM.
A Bad Guitarist is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2009, 02:25 AM   #40
gonzaw
UG's Secret Agent
 
gonzaw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Uruguay
Why did Tom Pryce stay still whenever there was a fire in the house?


Because he would lose his head if he runned
gonzaw is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:58 PM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.