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Old 03-15-2009, 08:09 PM   #1
Guns N Russians
Axl Williamovich Rosenov
 
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Cleveland, Ohio (Originally from St. Petersburg, Russia)
play along (she says she ain't a murderin kid) [WIP]

it's been a while since i posted. it's not meant to be a work of lyrical genius or have deep inner meaning this is a just a fun song I've been workin on. so yeah, i'm still alive, kids.


...

(verse)
she says she ain't muderin kid
but yet she kills me
everytime that she turns away

was it somethin that i said or did
i wish she'd tell me
and i swear that i would change my ways

(chorus)
cause when she plays her guitar
and she's singin her song
all i really wanna do is just play along
and if that aint right
then i'm alright being wrong
and i'ma keep on singing my song

(interlude)

(verse)
she says she ain't a murderin kid
but yet she kills me
everytime that she turns away

she says she's tired of all this sh*t
i wanna tell her
everythngs gonna be okay

(chorus)
cause when she plays her guitar
and she's singin her song
all i really wanna do is just play along
and if that aint right
then i'd rather wrong
and i'ma keep on singing my song - hey hey hey

(interlude)

(bridge)
she says she aint a murderin kid
but yet she kills me!
she says she aint a murderin kid
but yet she kills me!
she says she aint a murderin kid
but yet she kills me!
but yet she kills me!
oh how she kills me!

(verse)
she says she ain't muderin kid
but yet she kills me
everytime that she turns away

there was nothin that i said or did
i don't deserve this
there's no reason she should be this way

(chorus)
but i'll still play my guitar
and i'll keep singin my song
all if she really wants to, she can - play along
and that better be right
cause i don't wanna be wrong
so hows about we just play along


i'm kinda iffy on that ending line (IN BOLD) but everything else is pretty much how i want it. i'm willing to take suggestions on the ending line...
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Play Along

freeze tag
Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet
Same Difference

CHINESE DEMOCRACY HAS BEGUN?!

OMG GnRGASM!!

Last edited by Guns N Russians : 03-17-2009 at 09:47 PM.
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Old 03-15-2009, 11:53 PM   #2
Phoebus
S+L OG
 
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: under dirt-filled rainy nights with my socks stuck in the mud, yeah....
was it somethin that i said or did
i wish she'd tell me
and i swear that i would change my ways
^^flows a little off here, the second line needs to be longer or the first needs to be shorter

cause when she plays her guitar
and she's singin her song
all i really wanna do is just play along
and if that aint right
then i'm alright being wrong
and i'ma keep on singing my song
^^a little cliche, but catchy and sing-along.

that's actually the comment on most of the song. you take a lot of cliches and yet i think this could work very well as a song. it's not Bob Dylan, but it doesn't attempt to be, and your rhythm throughout most of this rolls right along. like to hear this set to music.

and i'm not a fan of the end line.

--jay
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Old 03-17-2009, 09:49 PM   #3
Guns N Russians
Axl Williamovich Rosenov
 
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Cleveland, Ohio (Originally from St. Petersburg, Russia)
Edit: Hey I changed that last line...still probably gonna rework the ending but I like it better than what I had before.

Thanks for the comment yo, KEEP EM COMING!
__________________
PEEP MY WORDS, YO!

Play Along

freeze tag
Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet
Same Difference

CHINESE DEMOCRACY HAS BEGUN?!

OMG GnRGASM!!
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Old 03-18-2009, 01:47 AM   #4
kdownes
one among the Fence
 
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Star IV
I missed you, and this is the best you got for me!!!!!!!????

No, seriously, this is, what it is. However, what it is is best heard not read i feel. If you record this, punch my digits. If not, I'm just letting oyu know I've read it and it made me want to hear it, which is tick one out of two, and tick two is I enjoyed it.

That made no sense.


Oh well, HI
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