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Old 03-17-2009, 06:07 PM   #1
pinkhaze29
ureh!
 
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Reading, PA
Big Ideas

I'm finally coming out of a very long writers block so be gentle >.>
I may add to this, or I may just forget about it lol
C4C

Big Ideas

A virus that melts in my fingertips
My plans never transpire
You hold my hand through the worst of it
Now my fingers are numb and tired
The past 7 days and counting have
made me an uncomfortable liar
So I sit alone in my anger that
I've some how seemed to acquire

Nothing I write makes any
sense
None of my lies ever
connect

My how fast this wall has been
rebuilt while under fire
But I'll leave one tunnel that will
take you under my divider
Please hold still for your punishment
Some bleeding may be required
I promise you wont feel a thing
Once you've expired

Nothing I write makes any
sense
None of my lies ever
connect
I'm not alone I'm a
liar
Out with the old in with the
fire
__________________
C4C
I Don't Just Say These Things.
Untitled

XBL - UA Madcap

Mudkip of the Pokemon club.

#14 EHX Guild


Quote:
Originally Posted by Kensai
Make him play russian roulette with a chainsaw

Last edited by pinkhaze29 : 03-23-2009 at 07:05 PM.
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Old 03-17-2009, 06:16 PM   #2
rebelmidget
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkhaze29
I'm finally coming out of a very long writers block so be gentle >.>
I may add to this, or I may just forget about it lol
C4C

Big Ideas

A virus that melts in my fingertips
My plans never transpire
You hold my hand through the worst of it
Now my fingers are numb and tired
The past 7 days and counting have
made me an uncomfortable liar
So I sit alone in my anger that
I've some how seemed to acquire

very forced rhyme in the last line. some how seemed to is somewhat redundant and it's just not a very good line. the rest is pretty solid though

Nothing I write makes any
sense
None of my lies ever
connect
nice, simple chorus

My how fast this wall has been
rebuilt while under fire
But I'll leave one tunnel that will
take you under my divider
Please hold still for your punishment
Some bleeding may be required
I promise you wont feel a thing
Once you've expired
try "it's your blood that i require" maybe. flows better. i like how the anger from the first stanza manifests itself rather violently in this one


Nothing I write makes any
sense
None of my lies ever
connect


pretty good, especially for someone who's been dealing with writer's block
crit mine? it's in the sig
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Old 03-23-2009, 07:06 PM   #3
pinkhaze29
ureh!
 
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Reading, PA
I added to the second chorus... I'm not sure if I'm gonna add more to the first one though.
__________________
C4C
I Don't Just Say These Things.
Untitled

XBL - UA Madcap

Mudkip of the Pokemon club.

#14 EHX Guild


Quote:
Originally Posted by Kensai
Make him play russian roulette with a chainsaw
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