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Old 08-05-2009, 12:35 AM   #1
Progbass92
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Prog Metal Concept Album Continued...Again (GP4/5, midi) C4C

Okay, here's two more tracks for you all to critique. Song 3 is a short piano interlude leading into song 4.

Song 4 is the one that I'm really not sure about. I feel it's a little weak in some areas, so it is subject to change.

Once again, full honesty is appreciated, so feel free to rip this thing to shreds.

I'll post the previous three tracks as well for those who want to hear everything altogether.
C4C
Thanks.
Attached Files
File Type: zip Concept Song 2.zip (25.8 KB, 166 views)
File Type: zip Concept song 3.zip (7.6 KB, 170 views)
File Type: zip Concept song 4.zip (38.0 KB, 240 views)
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Old 08-05-2009, 06:25 AM   #2
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Been a while since I took a look on anything from you, let me start with the newest ones (I actually listened the others before, but didn't have the time to comment then)

Song 3

Not much to say here, nice little piano thing. The beginning had a weird, "unfixed" rhythm to it, but somehow it made the whole thing much more realistic and "piano-ish", really cool. After that it gets a little repetitive, but that's ok for an interlude like this. I just think the pizz strings are a bit too loud in the mix, I suppose you wanted the emphasis to be on the piano.

Nevertheless, nice tune, very atmospheric and easy-going. Good job.

Song 4

You keep true to your style, with damned complex technical rif***e that should be a pain in the neck for any guitarist to remember... xD For the first time in quite a while, I was actually amazed at how the time signatures for the verse riff worked, with the 17/16 bars and whatnot...

The chorus was epic as usual. I always love your choruses.

Synth Riff... you go for something a little simpler this time. Good - sometimes I wish you'd tone down the technicality a little and go for more feeling, your song 2 (especially the acoustic stuff until more/less half) is a great example of that and still my favourite of your album. Synthy stuff/piano works really nice on this riff too.

After that... I'm afraid that from build-up onwards the whole thing starts getting really long... like verse 3 (with continued verse afterwards), is the vocalist really going to sing for that long? xD ... I don't know... after all this time your biggest flaw continues to be making stuff too long and repetitive in occasion, and eventually your songs get tiresome because of that.

Still, bonus points for instrumental break, nice.

Hope you don't get all mad at me for "questioning your style" once again, but that's just the way I see it. You have loads of talent, but I wish you wouldn't get lost in the technicality so often and go for simpler, more heartfelt stuff once in a while (once again, song 2, good example)
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Old 08-05-2009, 10:57 AM   #3
Progbass92
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Thanks for the crit. I

'll shorten those two sections and the next song will definitely be a lot like Song two, as far as technicality goes. I wanted to make this track more technical, to create a feeling of instablility, as it has to do with my concept.

Thanks for the honest and well detailed crit though. Expect the same from me. I'll get to yours right away.
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Old 08-05-2009, 02:48 PM   #4
Gulli05
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Hey Progbass92 - Cool stuff as always!

Nice piano licks in the Song 3.

Song 4 is seems damn hard and complex around some parts. Pretty cool.

I know this ain't much. I just ain't in the mood now to go rip the song apart and do a whole study of the song. Maybe I will later.

Btw - what is the concept of the album?
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Old 08-05-2009, 03:06 PM   #5
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aside from some unplayable parts and parts that dragged on a little with nothing really catching my ear song 4 was well written. really like the chorus. verse i thought was too much of a flurry of notes. you can do better than that ha. i also thought the time signatures transitioned a little awkwardly, they work but the feel kind of gets cut short when the bar is over if you know where im coming from.

i liked the part at 99 too. i feel like the buildup could have more going on chordally, instead of those single notes.

verse 3 is cool, id say it just needs some variation in the rhythm part.

like someone else said, its cool that you bring back stuff but it does kind of drag on a little longer than necessary.

the instrumental break is neat.

im not trying to be harsh just trying to do what i normally do and take a devil's advocate stance.

check out my newest guitar track WIP?
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Old 08-05-2009, 03:24 PM   #6
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Thanks for the crits guys.

pmeg, I appreciate your honesty and I agree with a lot of what you're saying after taking a look at what you addressed. I already shortened verse 3 and the outro, so that problem is fixed. I'm also considering your suggestion on the buildup part, but it might ruin the feel that I'm trying to get at, but I'll see where it goes. The first verse will be fixed. I'll change those 17/16 measures to 9/8 so it flows better.

As far as the "impossible" parts are concerned, they're all possible. If I can play them on a six string bass, then they're definitely possible.
Thanks a lot though. I'll get to yours a little later.
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Old 08-05-2009, 06:35 PM   #7
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Wow.
You must be a beast on the bass
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Old 08-06-2009, 04:15 PM   #8
Piano-Forte
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song 4:

measures 1-4:

didnt really like the melody, on the 2nd guitar, sounded awkward

5-22:

great riff, the constant 16th notes were a little disorienting, but it sounded good, it reminded me of a guilty gear song.

verse 1:

love it because of how incredibly smoothly the sig changes are and dont seem forced at all (like a lot of people do here cause "OMGF SO TECHNICAL")

bridge:

till slamming those 16th notes, still pretty rif***es

chorus:

uplifting and great melody, very through composed too for the most part which i respect

pre verse/synth riff:

a tiny bit of a rough transition, good conventional metal riffs here, on GP5 it kinda reminds me of chrono trigger or some other SNES music

verse 2:

cool piano... reminding me A LOT of guilty gear music

bridge:

a bit of an awkward melody, but i reckon thats what you were going for. im presonally not a fan of bouncy stretching interval melodies

build up:

well done, the whole thing's unpredictability and suddenly stopping notes reminded me of some crazed psycho mumbling to himself and the shouts were like the power chords. goes on a little long though

verse 3:

conventional metal riff, not good, not bad

continue verse:

sounds pretty good, but i, myself, dont like how the 9/8 confuses you n stuff

synth riff/verse 4:

more conventional metal riff ngnb

instrumental break:

again with jumpy intervals, but it was a bit more smooth and linear this time.

measures 198: rush.

this part was nice but a little too drawn out and repetitive. even though the riffs changed it was still the same kind of melody/style heavyness.

conform measure 242, let there be some build up without guitar wanking

nice resolution with the chorus at the end, i think it should end there on that high note...



**** that was a lot of song. ill crit the next one later, so double bump for you


p.s. the melody in my song was

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Old 08-06-2009, 06:37 PM   #9
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Thank you for the crit ^^
Here we go:

Song 3: Sounds good so far. Kinda reminds me of something Micheal Pinnella would write. I didn't really like the chord on Bar 3 though...

I like it when you finally stick to the 5/8 rhythm.

the Pizzicato strings add a lot... but you should maybe turn them down just a little. Make them part of the background instead? I put them at 7 and they still sound a little too loud and "in your face" for me.

When the actual strings come in is reminds me alot of some Shadow of the Collosus music.

Next track: I'm guessing this is the next song, so i'll go ahead and stop here xD

6.5/10... I didn't particularly enjoy it too much, honestly. It was good for what it was, but just that: good. Not amazing, or great... just average. I did like the transition though ;]

Song 4:

5: Oh my god xD So fast. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to play this cleanly. I like the chords you hold out over the main groove and stuff.

22: Your kinda verses. Good stuff. I like the melody over it a lot. It fits it nicely.

Bridge: I think the 16th rhythm is getting kinda stale at this point. Maybe hold out some notes longer before moving onto the next? If you understand.

Chorus: Just amazing. Your chorus' are amazing. You definitely know how to make atmosphere and epic chorus'.

Pre-verse: Very nice change. It was very sudden, but it still flowed very good.

Synth riff: I didn't really hear a synth anything until right before 75.

75: I really like the atmosphere you've brought here. Very haunting. The piano is a very nice touch. I like the guitars that ring out... and yes, it does sound familiar.

Bridge: Oh my god such a smooth transition xD I could never do a transition that smooth to such a different sound.

Buildup: Very nice. Really adds a lot of tension. The guitar rhythm is a lot better than earlier. It sounds really good... very good actually.

118: I like the kinda "Egyptian" sound. It reminds me of Pharaoh from Symphony X a lot, but not in a bad way at all.

135: I always suck at these kind of riffs xD You're very good at them. They make a very good verse, and I can't do them. I'm amazed you didn't put a melody over this one. Wait! There's a piano! Turn it up a little bit!

Continue Verse: Reminds me of some Tosin Abasi rif***e. Very nice touch to the song.

Return: It still sounds very haunting, and I still like it alot.

Verse 4: aldfa

Bridge: Again, very nice transition. You need to teach me how to transition like that.

Instrumental Break: Reminds me of Tosin Abasi again. I remember you talking about him in one of your "experiment" songs, and his influence definitely shows. The meloday at 211 is very good. I like the slight interplay between the synth and guitar. the change at 218 is a good place to go. I'm glad you did. It sounds very good. The continued interplay + layering was a very good idea.

Verse 5: You should put vocals over it! It's in desperate need of a melody... it sounds kinda bland without it.

Chorus: Again, amazing. I think it needs more repeats earlier in the song though... it's the highlight of the song; it needs to be at the front!

Outro: Nice to bring back that haunting atmosphere present every now and again. A good way to end the song... I could see it transitioning smoothly right into the next song.

I'll give it an 8.5/10. Definitely not your best, as you have done better, but it is pretty good. I dunno if I would buy the album or not; i'm still deciding. This song had a lot of good parts, but there was so much going on that it made it hard for anything to really stick in my head. The only thing I kind of remember is the chorus... and it needs more repeats throughout!

The album seems to be coming together; whether in a good way or bad way has yet to be decided. But keep it up. I would really like to hear the next songs. Just work on shortening them a little ;]
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Old 08-08-2009, 05:20 PM   #10
Progbass92
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Thanks for the crits, guys. I took some suggestions and shortened some parts of the song that dragged on a bit. I decided not to change the time sigs to the first verse because it flowed much better with the vocals, but I did take out the original first bridge and replaced it with a much better one. I also added vocal melodies to songs two and four, so now everything I have so far is completed.

I've attached the updates. Further thoughts on the songs are appreciated.
Thanks
Attached Files
File Type: zip Concept Song 2 (2).zip (30.4 KB, 60 views)
File Type: zip Concept song 4 (2).zip (40.7 KB, 74 views)
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Old 08-09-2009, 02:36 AM   #11
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Dude song 4 is a masterpiece!

Im not even gonna talk about everything cuz I'll keep repeating myself.

It all rocked!!!!

Best Composing Ive seen on here for a long time!

Solid 10/10, definetly keep song 4.
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Old 08-17-2009, 02:57 PM   #12
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dude, great stuff, yet again haha. I wish I had your skill for using those damn time sigs the way you do! They never sound forced or awkward. So yeah, on to my crit:

Verse 1 was a pretty cool riff, and I love the keyboards you had backing it. Some of the riff seemed like it was kinda impossible to play, so I don't know if that's because of the fingerings you put or what, but yeah, just a thought haha. Bridge was a nice linking riff to the chorus. The chorus was pretty great, it really reminded me of some of NovemberRain273's stuff. Great melodies there. Pre-verse and synth riff were great too, nice usage of 5/4 (my personal favorite time sig haha).

Verse 2 was awesome also, loved the piano behind it, it kinda had a slightly creepy vibe to it. And what was the lead thing at bar 91 about? Is it from some other song, cause it kinda reminded me of the great debate by DT haha.

Bridge was a nice little lead deal and the buildup was cool but I think you should have had a stronger arabic feel to it. Verse 3 was cool but once it got to the continue verse it kinda felt like the rif***e was sort of dragging on. So maybe try cutting down the length of some stuff. Return to synth riff, verse 4, and bridge repeat were also good. The instrumental break really had a cool btbam feel to it. Verse 5 was a nice buildup to the final chorus, and the outro was a good epic ending to quite an epic song.

Overall, this was another really great song, but there's one recurring qualm I have with most of your stuff. A lot of your songs are long, epic and chock full o great riffs and leads, but that's just the problem, there's hardly any one thing I remember from your stuff. If you recorded an album, I'd definitely buy it, but because I really admire the musicianship and the technical skill, not for memorable melodies or anything like that. It's kinda like how I feel about blotted science or dream theater, genius guitar work, and awesome riffs, but not really much sticks with me.

That's just my personal opinion though, I just think you could tone down some of the rif***e madness. You should try to create some strong themes in a song and bring them back throughout the song in different ways so that the listener remembers hearing it earlier in the song, but also so they don't preidict it to be just a repeat. Or maybe just try doing stuff in normal verse-prechorus-chorus style every once in a while. I don't want you to change your style or anything, I just feel you could switch it up a little now and then, so yeah. Keep up the great work man!

EDIT: weird, I wrote riffage and it censored it out

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Old 08-17-2009, 03:27 PM   #13
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Thanks for the return crit. The the idea from bar 91 was actually from song 2 in the concept. It's actually a part of the chorus.

So you see, I am trying to bring back recurring themes, but they come from other parts of the album instead of parts from within the individual songs (even though I tried to do that with the Bridge and the Instrumental Break, but I guess that never worked).

EDIT: And like I said before, the next song will be much more memorable, just like song 2, so I promise you will be able to remember at least one part of the song.
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Old 08-17-2009, 03:38 PM   #14
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I really like what you're doing, and I like some of the idea's you have but your music suffers from Dream Theater syndrome in that it gets boring really fast. Too much what I am at least interpreting as instrumental jams going on for far too long and it loses the listener IMO. Song 4 basically just continues that and I hate saying it because your compositional skills are insane. 5/10 for the work put into it and the composition but, minus for the fact it doesn't really hook me at all because it feels a little... self indulgent I guess.

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Old 08-17-2009, 03:53 PM   #15
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Oh, well I haven't listened to the other songs yet, so I'll definitely give em a look, and then I'll shutup haha
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Old 08-27-2009, 01:34 PM   #16
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I guess ima crit song 1 or 2 because everyone seems to be focusing on 3 / 4
Song 1a Intro is good just didnt like one thing bar 9 and 10 just didnt seem to fit with the flow I guess. Maybe make the piano an A# Octave I think that sounds better but still feels weird =/.
at bar 11 the intro just becomes gorgeous only crit is on bar 15 make the last 3 notes instead of tripleted 16th-16th-8th
the vocal melody was really sweet but i think you should shift it up 2 notes in the key.. or something lol i dont know how to explain it.. i mean i think it would sound better with a higher pitched singer.

Regardless really sweet idea for an album intro . 8/10 Write lyrics and msg me then pls
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