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Old 02-06-2014, 01:46 AM   #1
travislausch
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News flash: beta nerd attracted to woman, turns to pit for advice

Not really much to know here. Girl I've mildly been attracted to for ages and I are becoming closer as friends just out of the blue lately. Don't want to jeopardize friendship or make things weird and awkward, but also have to admit to my heart skipping a beat whenever she's around. I kind of want to ask her out but I'm deathly afraid of rejection just enough to not do it unless I know it won't jeopardize the friendship. How would one even know if that were a possibility? Maybe I'm just desperate because I haven't really had much human contact lately, but the pit is usually great (read: hilarious) to go to with stuff like this so I welcome all comments, from the actually helpful to the outrageous. So, bring it on!
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Old 02-06-2014, 01:52 AM   #2
angusfan16
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fuck, old user alert.



Ask her if she wants to go get food sometime.
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Old 02-06-2014, 01:58 AM   #3
travislausch
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Originally Posted by angusfan16
fuck, old user alert.

And yet I'm trusting The Pit.

This can only end in tragedy

But seriously, yeah, I'm propositioning that next time I talk to her. There are at least six coffee shops within walking distance so there's literally no excuse to not go out.
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Old 02-06-2014, 02:00 AM   #4
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Unless you like dick you should ask her out to lunch/dinner/coffee/whatever cause no one else is gonna touch your wiener but you if you wuss out.

Friends usually make good partners anyway. You'll have a lot in common. And if you don't ask her out you'll nag yourself to death inside your head. If she says "no" and doesn't wanna be your friend after words then she's a lame friend.
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Old 02-06-2014, 02:00 AM   #5
Arthur Curry
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you know it's possible because you are male and she is a female and you are both presumably of the hetero persuasion. it's hard for me to give you advice not knowing either of you, but there must be a reason why you're getting closer, and it means that she's attracted to you on some level as a human being. the only advice i can give is not to come at it from a place of desperation or neediness. just play to your strengths, make her laugh, have fun with her...you'll know when the time comes
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Old 02-06-2014, 02:13 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by travislausch
Not really much to know here. Girl I've mildly been attracted to for ages and I are becoming closer as friends just out of the blue lately. Don't want to jeopardize friendship or make things weird and awkward, but also have to admit to my heart skipping a beat whenever she's around. I kind of want to ask her out but I'm deathly afraid of rejection just enough to not do it unless I know it won't jeopardize the friendship. How would one even know if that were a possibility? Maybe I'm just desperate because I haven't really had much human contact lately, but the pit is usually great (read: hilarious) to go to with stuff like this so I welcome all comments, from the actually helpful to the outrageous. So, bring it on!

some #realtalks

open up and talk to her about it. if she says no, don't make her feel bad about it or obsessively hang around her for the next month trying to get her to say yes after the fact. make an effort to remain her friend even if you're hurt. it will be awkward at first but you'll be glad you did it. you may have feelings for her at the moment but you two were friends at first and that's what matters. her friendship isn't a pretty bad consolation prize at the end of the day. who knows she'll prob say yes or something
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Old 02-06-2014, 02:18 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by travislausch
I kind of want to ask her out but I'm deathly afraid of rejection just enough to not do it unless I know it won't jeopardize the friendship. How would one even know if that were a possibility?

You have to risk it for the biscuit.



Quote:
Originally Posted by travislausch
but the pit is usually great (read: hilarious) to go to with stuff like this so I welcome all comments

Do I really need to spell it out for you?

Women are less than garbage. Buy some GHB from your local negro and slip it to her the next time you're together. Don't rape her! But slap a nicorette patch on her. Wake up with her (with out the nicorette patch on) looking into her eyes and quickly leave. Next time you're with her slip some nicotine into her drink. If she stays more than 12 hours give her another dose within 6 hours of the first dose. Rinse and repeat until she is good an hooked on you.
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Old 02-06-2014, 02:19 AM   #8
The Madcap
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Just keep escalating until you either get a yes or rejection. And by escalating I mean like, start out asking her to lunch or dinner. I've had platonic dinners with female friends before so if she says no it won't be a big deal. If she says yes, keep it up, escalating things. Maybe after that ask her to dinner and do something around town like see a show or something. Or after that, maybe try watching a movie with her at your place, and sit close to her or something.

Really you should just be able to get a good sense of if she likes you that way or not. In my experience when a girl likes a guy (or when a guy likes a girl for that matter) they make it obvious, and some of them kind of act stupid about it. But yeah, from tone and body language and shit you should just be able to tell after a while.
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Old 02-06-2014, 02:39 AM   #9
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Post in the relationship thread if you want advise.


Also, if you want to be better with women.. you can't be afraid to get rejected. Gotta put yourself out there man, or you will not be getting action
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Old 02-06-2014, 02:39 AM   #10
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whip your dick out and see what happens
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Old 02-06-2014, 02:41 AM   #11
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whip your dick out and see what happens

This is actually a good strategy.

she either starts sucking it, or leaves. Neither is the end of the world.
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Old 02-06-2014, 02:41 AM   #12
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step 1: stay calm

step 2: ask her out on a date. make sure it's clear that you have romantic intentions before she says yes or no. admitting you have a thing for her isn't off limits (she'll probably find it cute). don't be apologetic, that's annoying.

if she says yes: go on said date, act natural. if she likes you (let's be honest, she probably does) then you two will get flirty natural. if you already communicate well with her, you're pretty much done. so profit.

if she says no: accept it. shed a tear, maybe. if you decide to ask why, make sure you're clear that you want to know for curiosity's sake, not because you're going to try to fix everything she doesn't like about you. don't do that. it's creepy and unhealthy. your next task should be i stilling a vibe that you're totally cool with a rejection -- you'll get over it, you're not gonna dwell or ask a million more times. start focusing your future conversations on shared interests and mundane stuff like that to help you get over her. DO NOT give her the impression that you're going to keep trying. THAT is what ruins friendships.

in the case of rejection, which my oracle finds unlikely, it's okay to be explicit. go ahead and tell her that you really value the friendship you have and you're not gonna jeopardize it by continuing to pursue her romantically. include some compliments you'd give to friends (funny, smart, fun, etc) to make sure she understands that you find her friendship to be worth it without the chance of romance. this will be hard for you at first, but eventually you'll move on and you'll be glad to have her as a friend.

take my advice with a grain of salt. i'm actually terrible at this.
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Old 02-06-2014, 02:43 AM   #13
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D:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eastwinn
step 1: stay calm

is always the hardest part when
Quote:
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i'm actually terrible at this.

D:
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Old 02-06-2014, 03:17 AM   #14
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Some serious advice, if you don't know her that well, go for it, you've got nothing to lose. Some words of advice for all girls since your asking a guitar forum board for advice, just ask them out and don't hesitate, it's advice i wish i'd took in high school, even if it doesn't work out it's better to have tried and failed then not to have tried at all. Worst that happens is the night ends awkwardly because you have nothing in common.
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Old 02-06-2014, 03:21 AM   #15
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Ask her out for coffee.
If she says yes, ask her again in a week or so.
Then lunch maybe 2 or 3 times.
Then offer to MAKE HER DINNER at your place.
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Old 02-06-2014, 03:22 AM   #16
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how the hell can anyone stay friends with a girl they like?

maybe it's just me, but when I like a girl, I fall hard. And if i stay friends with her after it's been made clear that there's no chance between us, i will just keep seeing and being reminded of all the reasons i liked her in the first place. and it will never end. i have to get some space, not be rude or anything but not talk so much for awhile and not hang out until i kinda forget about her.... well, not so much forget about her, but not remember in such vivid detail why i liked her. then once i get over that i am okay with being friends once more--if that works out.
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Old 02-06-2014, 03:36 AM   #17
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It's hard to give advice without knowing the nature of your current relationship. It could very well be that she wants to just be friends, but you won't know that until you find out.

My advice is to ask her to go out and get coffee or something like everyone else said, but word it like it's more serious than 'just getting coffee'. I mean, don't be dramatic and make it a big deal, but have it be known that you want to 'try things out' with her or something along those lines. She'll probably say yes. If things are going as well as you say they are, then she probably likes you. It can be hard for us guys to see that sometimes (and girls will tell you that they did SO much to tell you that they liked you. We see almost none of it). Chances are, if your heart is fluttering, so is hers.

When you show up (because I know you'll pull this off), show up like you mean it. Clean up. Do that hair nice. Wear your coolest outfit. Spray on that cologne sample that came in the mail last week.

If you feel a romantic spark, then, as the man, you should say something. Maybe not at the coffee shop, but maybe over the phone or text (if that's her thing. phone is always better). If that doesn't feel right but you're still feeling like you want things to go further, plan a second date.

I also find that being up front so that everyone is on the same page is always the best way to go about it. You don't want her to misconstrue what's going on and then look like a deer in headlights when you ask her out and she thinks you two have just been hanging out. If you like her, tell her. The earlier the better (even before that date if you two are close). If she likes you back, it won't be weird. Just feel it out and do what you feel is right. Don't wuss out though. There's nothing worse than looking back a year from now and regretting not taking action.

Things may seem hazy and confused right now (does she like me? does she just want to be friends?) because you're in the heat of the battle, but if you're feeling a connection here, it's probably there.

Good luck, sir!
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Old 02-06-2014, 03:37 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CodeMonk
Ask her out for coffee.
If she says yes, ask her again in a week or so.
Then lunch maybe 2 or 3 times.
Then offer to MAKE HER DINNER at your place.

I think dinner at your place is appropriate after the second date, which I wouldnt wait a week to ask her out on.
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Old 02-06-2014, 03:57 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by metal4eva_22
Women are less than garbage. Buy some GHB from your local negro and slip it to her the next time you're together. Don't rape her! But slap a nicorette patch on her. Wake up with her (with out the nicorette patch on) looking into her eyes and quickly leave. Next time you're with her slip some nicotine into her drink. If she stays more than 12 hours give her another dose within 6 hours of the first dose. Rinse and repeat until she is good an hooked on you.


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Old 02-06-2014, 04:38 AM   #20
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Hmm, seems to me you really value her friendship, so you need to be careful not to make things awkward. Invite her over for a coffee or whatever and just try read what signals she sends out.
It's always good to think things through before making your move.
Then when she leaves, bury your nose into the cushion she was sitting on and choke that chicken until you feel remorse. Then cry yourself to sleep on said cushion.
That's how a normal person would handle this situation.
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