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Old 10-20-2009, 06:44 AM   #41
dhutton
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Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.
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Old 10-20-2009, 06:48 AM   #42
Zeppfreak170
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Can I smell your vagina?

No!

Well it must be your feet then...?
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Old 10-20-2009, 06:50 AM   #43
Zeppfreak170
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dhutton
Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.



Amazingly funny - sorry for the double post but I had to applaud this
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Old 10-20-2009, 08:14 AM   #44
GrayFoxz
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whats cooking good looking.
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Old 10-20-2009, 08:15 AM   #45
ShallowEndings
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GrayFoxz
whats cooking good looking.


How original
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Old 10-20-2009, 08:25 AM   #46
SlackerBabbath
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Hey bitch, wanna go halves on a bastard?
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Old 10-20-2009, 09:48 AM   #47
miss_muso~
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Location: On top of a hill, Australia
Not necessarily a dirty pick up line, but extremely bizarre and creepy situation I found myself in...

As we're waiting for my mum to pick us up, this guy comes over with a plastic shopping bag full of new bedsheets and toaster brochures.

"Hi there, I'd like to talk to you girls about your faith."

"Uh... we're kind of going..."

"Do you believe in God?"

"No."

"Well, anyway... what do you know of the bible?"

(My friend) "Well, I've taken some of the ten commandments. Don't kill people and don't f*** your neighbour's wife seemed pretty reasonable, anyhow that's the same as most other religions."

"Okay, great, the ten commandments is a great place to start. The thing about adultery is really interesting too. You know, how most of the bible isn't meant to be taken literally. But what that means there, what the message is... you know it's worse for me to look at you and think about doing things to you, than it is if I were too actually touch you? Like, if I were to stand here and look at you and do things to you in my head, or imagine you doing things, that's worse than if I were to actually do things to you? Thinking about commiting a sin like adultery is a much greater sin because I'm allowing myself to think it, but if I were to act on it without a thought and regret it later, that's actually much better."

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.


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Old 10-20-2009, 09:51 AM   #48
SpanishYanez
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Sooo...had any good dick lately
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Old 10-20-2009, 10:15 AM   #49
ThorMagneson
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Q: What has 32 teeth and holds back the incredible Hulk?

A: My zipper.
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Old 10-20-2009, 10:16 AM   #50
Freebird69
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I have the entire dictionary tattooed on my penis, how about we go back to my place and I can put some words in your mouth.
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Old 10-20-2009, 10:23 AM   #51
ShallowEndings
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Freebird69
I have the entire dictionary tattooed on my penis, how about we go back to my place and I can put some words in your mouth.


That one has class
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Old 10-20-2009, 10:29 AM   #52
The_Casinator
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Location: Maastricht, The Netherlands. (Previously of Eindhoven, Brussels, Großweil and The Hague)
I'm rather intrigued by what's in your bra, mind if I take a look?
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Old 10-20-2009, 10:37 AM   #53
BrianApocalypse
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"Hi there, I saw you across the room and just had to come and introduce myself! Would you care to service complete strangers to fund my escalating drug habit?"
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Old 10-20-2009, 10:38 AM   #54
josh999x
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I lost my virginity can i have yours?
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Old 10-20-2009, 10:39 AM   #55
_T_H_R_I_C_E_
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Location: Newfoundland
Do you come here often?

...

Do you wanna "come" here right now?
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Old 10-20-2009, 10:42 AM   #56
So-Cal
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Lets say we go for a pizza and a fuck??..... What, you dont like pizza?
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Old 10-20-2009, 10:52 AM   #57
ThorMagneson
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*singing like a gravely-voiced black guy* BAAABY BAAAABY! I WANNA PUT MAH PENIS IN YOUR VAGINA!
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Old 10-20-2009, 10:52 AM   #58
Wednesday Bass
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I find the most erotic part of a woman to be the boobies.
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Old 10-20-2009, 10:53 AM   #59
happytimeharry
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Originally Posted by hide_the_beer
I wish you were my homework so I could slam you on my desk and do you all night long




I love this one. I'm remembering it for later.
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Old 10-20-2009, 10:53 AM   #60
Duffman123
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You go up to a girl and say "what is the best thing you can put behind your ears?"

They look all confused and ask "I dunno, earings?"

Then you look at her with a dirty cheesy grin and say "Your ankels"
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