10-20-2009, 06:44 AM
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#41 |
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Bam.
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Gainesville, Florida
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Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.
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10-20-2009, 06:48 AM
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#42 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Southsea
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Can I smell your vagina?
No! Well it must be your feet then...?
__________________
I have awesome hair 
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10-20-2009, 06:50 AM
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#43 | |
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Southsea
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Quote:
Amazingly funny - sorry for the double post but I had to applaud this 
__________________
I have awesome hair
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10-20-2009, 08:14 AM
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#44 | |
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Hound Of Hell
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Look Behind
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whats cooking good looking.
__________________
Quote:
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10-20-2009, 08:15 AM
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#45 | |
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<3
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Australia
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Quote:
How original |
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10-20-2009, 08:25 AM
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#46 |
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Est. 1966.
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Burnley, UK
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Hey bitch, wanna go halves on a bastard?
__________________
“Our life is what our thoughts make it.” ― Marcus Aurelius show
Slacker's Gallery Feel free to view my paintings and leave comments. |
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10-20-2009, 09:48 AM
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#47 | |
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UG's Suffragette
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: On top of a hill, Australia
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Not necessarily a dirty pick up line, but extremely bizarre and creepy situation I found myself in...
As we're waiting for my mum to pick us up, this guy comes over with a plastic shopping bag full of new bedsheets and toaster brochures. "Hi there, I'd like to talk to you girls about your faith." "Uh... we're kind of going..." "Do you believe in God?" "No." "Well, anyway... what do you know of the bible?" (My friend) "Well, I've taken some of the ten commandments. Don't kill people and don't f*** your neighbour's wife seemed pretty reasonable, anyhow that's the same as most other religions." "Okay, great, the ten commandments is a great place to start. The thing about adultery is really interesting too. You know, how most of the bible isn't meant to be taken literally. But what that means there, what the message is... you know it's worse for me to look at you and think about doing things to you, than it is if I were too actually touch you? Like, if I were to stand here and look at you and do things to you in my head, or imagine you doing things, that's worse than if I were to actually do things to you? Thinking about commiting a sin like adultery is a much greater sin because I'm allowing myself to think it, but if I were to act on it without a thought and regret it later, that's actually much better." Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. 
__________________
He likes Keats but she's into Yeats - it's a matter of Romance
E-Mistress to UG's Finest Gentleman Quote:
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10-20-2009, 09:51 AM
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#48 |
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...loading
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Hillwood Village
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Sooo...had any good dick lately
__________________
#25 for top 100 UGer of 2009 UG's 2nd Funniest UGer and 3rd most likely to be a Serial Killer of 2009, 2nd of 2011 THERE'S 10 YEAR OLD MEN AND 50 YEAR OLD KIDS |
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10-20-2009, 10:15 AM
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#49 |
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Professional Freeloader
Join Date: Aug 2009
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Q: What has 32 teeth and holds back the incredible Hulk?
A: My zipper. |
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10-20-2009, 10:16 AM
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#50 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Raleigh, NC
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I have the entire dictionary tattooed on my penis, how about we go back to my place and I can put some words in your mouth.
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10-20-2009, 10:23 AM
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#51 | |
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<3
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Australia
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Quote:
That one has class |
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10-20-2009, 10:29 AM
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#52 |
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White tie & straitjacket
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Maastricht, The Netherlands. (Previously of Eindhoven, Brussels, Großweil and The Hague)
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I'm rather intrigued by what's in your bra, mind if I take a look?
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10-20-2009, 10:37 AM
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#53 |
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Prozac Junkie
Join Date: May 2004
Location: London, Engaland.
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"Hi there, I saw you across the room and just had to come and introduce myself! Would you care to service complete strangers to fund my escalating drug habit?"
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10-20-2009, 10:38 AM
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#54 |
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Internet Dickhead.
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Birmingham, UK
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I lost my virginity can i have yours?
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10-20-2009, 10:39 AM
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#55 |
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Get N or Get Out
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Newfoundland
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Do you come here often?
... Do you wanna "come" here right now? 
__________________
Currently Looking For: NES: Zelda (Gold Cart), Mario 2, Ninja Turtles Series N64: Super Smash Bros, Star Fox, Mario 64 |
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10-20-2009, 10:42 AM
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#56 |
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UG dumbass
Join Date: Jun 2009
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Lets say we go for a pizza and a fuck??..... What, you dont like pizza?
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10-20-2009, 10:52 AM
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#57 |
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Professional Freeloader
Join Date: Aug 2009
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*singing like a gravely-voiced black guy* BAAABY BAAAABY! I WANNA PUT MAH PENIS IN YOUR VAGINA!
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10-20-2009, 10:52 AM
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#58 | |
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UG's big hairy bassist
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: That 60 mile gap between Newcastle and Scotland that no one cares about
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I find the most erotic part of a woman to be the boobies.
__________________
Quote:
Lyrics: Hello My Friend Lie To Me |
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10-20-2009, 10:53 AM
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#59 | |
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Sentry the Defiant
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: The Backend of Forever
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Quote:
I love this one. I'm remembering it for later.
__________________
Don't stop calling, You're the reason I love losing sleep. I bless the hour
that holds your fall <//////>~
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10-20-2009, 10:53 AM
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#60 |
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Endless Thrusting
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Northern Ireland, Co Down
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You go up to a girl and say "what is the best thing you can put behind your ears?"
They look all confused and ask "I dunno, earings?" Then you look at her with a dirty cheesy grin and say "Your ankels" 
__________________
─╔╦╗╔╦═╦═╦══╦═╦═╗ ╔╝║║║║═╣═╣║║║═║║║ ║║║╚╝║╔╣╔╣║║║║║║║ ╚═╩══╩╝╚╝╚╩╩╩╩╩╩╝ |
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