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Old 10-27-2009, 02:43 PM   #1
EddyPT
You know he straight
 
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Portugal
Souvenir

I donít like myself today
Iím not sure I wanna feel
I see you standing far away
I donít wanna know if youíre real

So I close my eyes and I let go
Let go of all my pains and fears
I ask them to leave but they say no
They live to strip me of my tears

And I really hate this place
Itís far from where I wanna be
Just one more glimpse of your face
Would cure me, oh, canít they see?

So I keep you close , youíre my
Souvenir
I scream for sanity
Canít you hear?

I donít like myself today
I have no one to live for
I make it through day by day
Hoping youíll come back for more

So come quick before they arrive
Just make sure that when you get through
I have time to memorize
Every little thing that makes you you

Hear me screaming
Iím calling you name
Yes, Iím falling
Yes, youíre to blame

So I keep you close , youíre my
Souvenir
I scream for sanity
Canít you hear?
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Old 10-31-2009, 11:42 AM   #2
BringMeTheCalm
UG's Redundant Redundancy
 
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villany...Massachusetts...
I can imagine this working well as a rockish song or like a ballad. One thing that stuck out to me though was the double use of "you" in the line "Every little thing that makes you you". I know what you're trying to convey there, but it seems redundant to me. Perhaps you could find another way to word it. I dunno. Apart from that it seems pretty good.

Thanks for checking out mine, dude.
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Do you folks like folk?
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