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Old 10-27-2009, 02:43 PM   #1
You know he straight
EddyPT's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Portugal

I donít like myself today
Iím not sure I wanna feel
I see you standing far away
I donít wanna know if youíre real

So I close my eyes and I let go
Let go of all my pains and fears
I ask them to leave but they say no
They live to strip me of my tears

And I really hate this place
Itís far from where I wanna be
Just one more glimpse of your face
Would cure me, oh, canít they see?

So I keep you close , youíre my
I scream for sanity
Canít you hear?

I donít like myself today
I have no one to live for
I make it through day by day
Hoping youíll come back for more

So come quick before they arrive
Just make sure that when you get through
I have time to memorize
Every little thing that makes you you

Hear me screaming
Iím calling you name
Yes, Iím falling
Yes, youíre to blame

So I keep you close , youíre my
I scream for sanity
Canít you hear?
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Old 10-31-2009, 11:42 AM   #2
UG's Redundant Redundancy
BringMeTheCalm's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: A wretched hive of scum and villany...Massachusetts...
I can imagine this working well as a rockish song or like a ballad. One thing that stuck out to me though was the double use of "you" in the line "Every little thing that makes you you". I know what you're trying to convey there, but it seems redundant to me. Perhaps you could find another way to word it. I dunno. Apart from that it seems pretty good.

Thanks for checking out mine, dude.
Originally Posted by Mike Birbiglia
I went to the doctor, and they found something in my bladder. And whenever they find something, it's never anything good like, "We found something in your bladder AND IT'S SEASON TICKETS TO THE YANKEES!!

Do you folks like folk?
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