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Old 03-25-2015, 12:50 AM   #1
hippieboy444
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Join Date: Apr 2006
i once was like them

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i search; what falls, the cold sweeps over and renders inert. crude glass stretched over uneven portions of sidewalk reflects the monoliths which slumber and align themselves down the street, endlessly/ i, too, align myself in deep disquiet between the cragged mouths of the dark wooden branches that shatter the sky, i make out the pointillism of the blueprints for our world like small spheres of ash settling on canvas, giving their final light exhausted.
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Old 03-25-2015, 02:49 AM   #2
brokencoastline
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There's a sense of clarity and straightforwardness in this. It's still grave and has some distance, though. The third stanza is where I feel a tension between the directness and the distance, mostly with "monoliths" which is somehow specific and vague at once.
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