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Old 12-28-2014, 10:59 PM   #1
hippieboy444
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WotW: rorschach test

Code:
dismantled. the heart, receding below, thrown over, quiet. slow &nearly deliberate. speeds up then slows back down. this ache, purple, bruised upon my neck like the month of October. you take, &declare/ &declare/ &declare/ &declare/ &declare/ &declare/ &articulate this slope of thought, convinced; asymmetry conveying future. maybe, wrong- this, one of several. casual need(s), emptied of ____. (to feel)supplant, abandon, shaken from two hands, as always. &nothing remains, &nor good enough. could be said other way(s), toward; loss(ing), built within )water and with light. (possibility_ but) not. of what discarded. brittle thoughts, abject absence forced in repeatingly: i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing i am nothing (-ness)
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Old 12-29-2014, 09:35 PM   #2
culex-knight
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Location: In the bucket at the end of time.
<3
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マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching
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Old 01-01-2015, 11:44 AM   #3
doubtfulsalmon
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Your writing is so on point at this minute. This is good and I always enjoy this kind of experimentation/exploration.
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Old 01-01-2015, 11:59 AM   #4
hippieboy444
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thanks guys, doubtful i'm mailing your zine tomorrow. not sure how long it'll take to get to britain.
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Old 01-02-2015, 01:02 PM   #5
brokencoastline
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I think what's most successful about this is that the language feels very deft and smooth. It's felt much better than it's understood, which is good.

Quote:
&nothing remains, &nor good enough. could be said
other way(s), toward; loss(ing), built within
)water and with light. (possibility_ but) not.


It does get a little shaky in these lines. "&nor good enough" sticks out to me, and the whole first line is syntactically harsh. I think it's worth tinkering there.
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waking amnesia / receding nostalgia
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Old 01-05-2015, 01:49 PM   #6
hippieboy444
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thanks for WotW (or more accurately, writer of the next 3-5 weeks )
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