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Old 12-31-2009, 01:51 PM   #1
champayne
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Talking Into the Sparta Pit (Melodeath\Metalcore\Melodic Metal) [GP5\GP4\Midi] [C4C]

A song that I made in two days (a new record). I spent pretty much all of yesterday writing it, and today I put some finishing touches on. This is pretty much a sequel to "The Butter Knife Massacre", except its a little more sad. Like Spiderman 3. I think I'm getting a little better with solos, correct me if I'm wrong and still ****ing suck at them. This song is kinda short (about 3:20), which isn't bad, but I was hoping for about 4:00. Whatev. Crit 4 Crit if you post a link. Consider this my New Year's Contribution!

P.S.: I Think I've actually succeeded in not using the low B throughout the entire song. Surely a first for me in any case, I don't remember a song where I didn't use the open bottom note.

**** MY LIFE I FORGOT TO POST THE FILES! GODDAMN!
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Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


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Last edited by champayne : 12-31-2009 at 01:56 PM.
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Old 12-31-2009, 02:18 PM   #2
leotus
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The intro is good. However, I felt as though bar 4 could probably be different from bar 3 to make the transition into bar 5 more pronounced.

The verse riff isn't very good. I think you should work on that, it just sounds rushed, boring and pretty uninspired. It's almost as if you're just going up and down the minor scale.

The chorus is good but a little variety could help it.

The bridge is great but from bar 97 to the solo it's pretty repetitive.

The first solo goes out of key quite often and resorts to just ascending a scale and then descending and then repeating.

The second solo is nicer but also goes out of key alot.

The post-solo part is nice and from there onwards it's ok.

I love the ending.

You have alot of talent in you and I can see that with more understanding of theory and how to write songs you could go far. Keep it up.

Oh and also I included an example of what I meant in this review.
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Old 12-31-2009, 02:22 PM   #3
champayne
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Quote:
Originally Posted by leotus
The intro is good. However, I felt as though bar 4 could probably be different from bar 3 to make the transition into bar 5 more pronounced.

The verse riff isn't very good. I think you should work on that, it just sounds rushed, boring and pretty uninspired. It's almost as if you're just going up and down the minor scale.

The chorus is good but a little variety could help it.

The bridge is great but from bar 97 to the solo it's pretty repetitive.

The first solo goes out of key quite often and resorts to just ascending a scale and then descending and then repeating.

The second solo is nicer but also goes out of key alot.

The post-solo part is nice and from there onwards it's ok.

I love the ending.

You have alot of talent in you and I can see that with more understanding of theory and how to write songs you could go far. Keep it up.

Oh and also I included an example of what I meant in this review.


I wrote the verse riff a while ago for another song but the song was scrapped, but the riff fit this song a little better. It was originally longer than the minor scale part, it went up it and then went to the top string (forgot how it went), but ya. I'll work on that. I'm not really a key and scale person, I just try to write what sounds good. I'll work on that. Thanks for the crit!


I like where you went with the intro, but the change to the chorus sounded really dissonant to me. Thanks again for the suggestions, they'll come in handy.
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Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


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Old 12-31-2009, 02:27 PM   #4
leotus
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It's ok man. I hope I didn't seem like I was being too negative, I just wanted you to notice the flaws so you could improve. As I said you really have got talent.

C4C? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...42#post22775742
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Old 12-31-2009, 03:35 PM   #5
DiminishedFifth
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Critting as I listen:

Intro - Very epic so far. I like the way the drums introed into the Verse I. I think it could have been smoother transition in the guitars though..

Verse I - the verse doesn't have that flair that the Intro had. It seems so empty...

Chorus I guess? - This sounds like... more of a build-up than a chrus to me. But, it was alright. Could be more... dramatic?

The little bridge riff... - I'm liking it. I like the chords you're using. It seemed so much fuller when the chord was being held out under it though. When it started going unison I got sad...

"sigh" - It's not bad. Teh second run at bas like... 119 seemed out of place for me.

"an even deeper sigh" - I like this one more. It has more "flair", and the out of key notes fit to me. Good on this one.

... - Good post-solo riff that leads very well into the next part.

Ze end - I'm liking lots. It's very epic sounding. I like how it seems like it takes that feel from the intro. I like.

Overall, it's pretty good. some minor qualms here and there (mainly teh chorus and verse's). Other than those it was good.

8.5

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Old 12-31-2009, 04:54 PM   #6
Burning_Angel
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Critting as I listen:

I really like the chords in the beginning. They were nicely used. Nothing else to say on the intro.

The change to the verse riff was... not effective. It kinda did a complete 180 for me. The riff itself was just kinda generic and not great. Not bad, but nothing too special.

The chorus I actually think might have fit better after the beginning. And I like it. But I think it could be a lot better with more going on in the bass and drums.

I liked the bridge riff a lot. The lead shouldn't have been that good, but it was just... awesome. One of those parts that is simple but fantastic. Both of the sigh/solo sections were also really, really nice. Loved the note choice.

All of this would be so much better though, if the drums and bass were better. Seems like the whole song is just drums pounding away at the double bass, when it'd be better served with a tight beat, building up maybe into double bass later in the section. And there isnt some rule that says the bass can only do root notes to chords/follow the guitars. It needs some flair, man.

But then ... is a bit underwhelming and not great. Not bad just... nothing special.

The ending was pretty good as well.

So eh. It has parts I quite enjoyed, and some that just aren't really my style, but overall, everything would be better with better bass/drums.

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Old 12-31-2009, 05:38 PM   #7
champayne
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Burning_Angel
Critting as I listen:

I really like the chords in the beginning. They were nicely used. Nothing else to say on the intro.

The change to the verse riff was... not effective. It kinda did a complete 180 for me. The riff itself was just kinda generic and not great. Not bad, but nothing too special.

The chorus I actually think might have fit better after the beginning. And I like it. But I think it could be a lot better with more going on in the bass and drums.

I liked the bridge riff a lot. The lead shouldn't have been that good, but it was just... awesome. One of those parts that is simple but fantastic. Both of the sigh/solo sections were also really, really nice. Loved the note choice.

All of this would be so much better though, if the drums and bass were better. Seems like the whole song is just drums pounding away at the double bass, when it'd be better served with a tight beat, building up maybe into double bass later in the section. And there isnt some rule that says the bass can only do root notes to chords/follow the guitars. It needs some flair, man.

But then ... is a bit underwhelming and not great. Not bad just... nothing special.

The ending was pretty good as well.

So eh. It has parts I quite enjoyed, and some that just aren't really my style, but overall, everything would be better with better bass/drums.

C4C [In my sig]?


Ya, I was gonna put something in the thread about how this song would be like a bass-break. I tried to set it to the riffs, but it didn't sound that good.
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