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Old 01-01-2010, 05:53 PM   #1
fearofthemark
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The small tricks of life. (The UG Bible)

This thread is about little things you can do in life to improve it. These hints can range from how to make a better first impressions on an interview, to how to make fapping more fun. If everyone posts small things they've discovered over the course of their lifetime, this can become a truly epic thread to help out the lives of every single UGer, a UG bible, if you will.

THE WIKI PAGE:
http://theugbible.wikidot.com/

Note: When the suggestions become too numerous for my three puny reserve posts to hold, i will upload a .txt file with the old ones, and post the more recent ones. This page will keep updating.




Red text = dangerous. Do at your own risk.



Here's the list, I'll start with two, and I'll keep it updated:



1. If you get an erection, just tuck it up under the waistband of your shorts and pants, this will keep it hidden. Most of you might already know this, but it has helped me many a time. (fearofthemark)

2. Before you take a shower, bring a glass of cold water (or beer?) with you, and drink it while in the hot shower. It feels amazing. (fearofthemark)

3. Jerking off to youtube videos is sometimes more gratifying than real porn (BlitzkriegAir)

4. Get a cough drop and a cube of ice, place them in your mouth, enjoy the awesomeness. (BlitzkriegAir)

5. Try having a cold glass of water after brushing your teeth. (chaoticfables)

6. Eat a ripe mango, then smoke weed one hour later. you will get HIIIIGGGHHHH (poopsmith666)

7. Thin-style hotdog bun + banana + peanut butter + nutella + honey = worlds best stoned food (poopsmith666)

8. loosen grip and increase speed just before ejaculation, then tighten grip during. (sylphin)

9. If you find the right spot, you can stick a nail or any other long thin object in your nose (like 4 inches in) and it's completely safe. Pretty cool party trick if you get it down. (El Hilliario)

10. Before getting dressed in the morning, put your underwear on the radiator for 10 minutes. Then put them on. (TheLukeMaxfield)

11. When you tie your shoes, also knot the loops. Double knots ftw, they wont ever slip, and they are as easy to open as normal knots. (Gakbez)

12. If you suck at rolling joints, roll the paper around a pencil giving it the proper form. Lick the glue and place it over the pencil sealing it and move the paper down to the end of the pencil where the lead is and twist the loose paper to close it there. Put your mashed up weed in a bowl and just use the joint to shovel the weed inside it, using the same pencil to compact the weed in the joint. (true_bacon22)

13. Orange Juice + Gingerale = Magical cure for allergy and cold symptoms. (rootbeerjuice)

14. When you play FPS shout and curse like crazy! It makes the headshots so satisfying. (R0B0_Ninja)

15. Get some coffee at a reasonable temperature (Not boiling hot, but not cool either) and put some ice cubes in the cup, when you put the cup to your lips, your lips will feel cool, but then you get to enjoy the sweet (or bitter, it's all up to you) warm coffee within. Also great with tea! (osXtiger)

16. Bananas are a good remedy for hangovers, and drinking a lot of water before you fall asleep may even prevent them. Weed is also a good hangover cure. So is drinking when you wake up (TheTortured, Ecliptica24, metal_al73 & maidenfan15)

17. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you have no toilet paper in a public restroom, use your socks. It may sound disgusting, but they are not a very valuable/noticeable article of clothing, and can be worn like a puppet, allowing you to really get in there and wipe. (JacobLampman)

18. Replace the regular butter you usually put in your hot pasta with a generous portion of peanut butter. You can then proceed to enjoy the pure awesomeness. (Astyan)

19. Before a party where you know you'll drink a lot, take an aspirin along with your dinner, even if you don't have any headache or pain. (Astyan) FALSE.

20. Get "A Real Diamond in the Rough" or "Electric Tears" by Buckethead, then play it in the background when you go to sleep. (Astyan & maidenfan15)

21. When fapping, Grab 4 or so pieces of Kleenex and make them into a type of condom. Just screw the kleenex and when the time comes to ejaculate all the mess will stay in the Kleenex. (Ssargentslayer)

22. Never ever drink orange soda with nachos. They taste like puke together. (Data Helmet)

23. If you like a girl, don't tell her, show her. Telling a girl you like them makes you seem desperate and vulnerable, which is a turn off for almost every girl. (maidenfan15)

24. Never ask somebody that was in the armed services if they have ever killed somebody. (maidenfan15)

25. If you write lyrics, always carry around some type of way to write down any lyrics that may come in your head. (maidenfan15)

26. If you get high, listen to a Pink Floyd album all the way through. (Dark Side of the Moon is my personal favorite). It's a lot more fun if you do it with friends. (maidenfan15)

27. Get some peppermint and crush it with your teeth, but do not swallow it. When it's all crushed, take a shot of vodka and swallow it all. Feel the pain. (basilbrush)

28. When you have troubles peeling your banana try opening it from the bottom. Use your nail to split the end and pull the two sides apart. (frankv)

29. When you're drinking Bacardi try mixing it with Spa & Fruit Lemon. I call it Spacardi. I've heard any lemon flavoured sodas taste amazing mixed with Bacardi though. (frankv)

30. When you're playing guitar, put your phone in your back pocket instead of your right or left pocket. If it's too close to your guitar the pick-ups will pick up signals causing little bleep sounds. (frankv)

31. Don't eat before you go drinking if you want get drunk REALLY easily. (batman187)

32. If you get into an argument with someone and they start yelling don't yell back or you'll just end up with two really pissed off people. (batman187)

33. Pulling it out is not a valid method of birth control. (Dreaminmusic)

34. buy a tin to store your picks. it will save you in the long term (blankoff)

35. Don't write test answers on your hand. Write them on your leg, then during the test, put the leg with the answers on top of your other thigh, and roll up your pants. (migueltherocker)

36. At least once in your life, sleep with your window open during the winter. (biga29)

37. Always sleep with the window open during the summer. (biga29)

38. Pour Baileys Irish Cream in your hot chocolate. It's like a warm White Russian. (AngryGoldfish)

39. Or soak marshmellows in Baileys Irish Cream, then freeze with an ice-lolley stick wedged inside. Wait a few hours and serve to the kids. (AngryGoldfish)

40. Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store. If you leave them connected at the stem, they will ripen faster. (blankoff)

41. If you hold your thumbs down with your fingers and press then down as hard as you can you will never gag. (ryan_nadon)

42. If you want fresh, hot fries from fast food places every time, ask for them without salt (say youre on a low-salt diet if you need to). most places salt all their fries as soon as they remove the batch from the fryer. if you ask for fries without salt, they'll make a small batch on the spot for you. sure you have to wait a few minutes, but it beats cold, soggy fries. (NoLaurelTree000)

43. When you are producing massive doo-doo logs, put a few pieces of toilet paper on top of the toilet water to prevent a splash. (indie_prep)

44. Get as many people into a movie for the price of two.
1) Just buy two tickets for you and a friend while your other friends wait outside.
2) During the trailers, one of you walks out of the theater with your ticket and your friend's.
3) Make sure the usher at the door gets to know your face as you walk out (tell him you'll be right back).
4) Give your friend's ticket to one of the friends waiting outside.
5) Both of you can walk into the theater with no problem because the two of you have tickets.
6) Once again, make sure the usher gets to know your friend's face.
7) Repeat steps 2-6 as many times necessary. Always mix up who goes in and out so that the ushers don't get suspicious. Steps 3 and 6 are important in case they check everyone inside for tickets; the usher will skip you and your friends because he recognizes your faces as people with tickets.
(sticksause)

45. Coke + Rum + A bit of lemon = Cuba Libre. Best drink I've ever had. (migueltherocker)

46. At McDonalds, get a junior chicken but ask for Southwest sauce on it, it costs like 14 cents or something, but that means you get a little southwest chicken sandwich for like $1.50 instead of like $5 for a slightly smaller version. (poopsmith666)

47. Put some lemon juice, like the squeezable bottled type, into your bongwater, makes the blowing out of smoke taste like a lemon drop candy (poopsmith666)

48.Listening to lateralus while sleeping will produce the most radical dreams you will ever experience. (louddog93)

49. if your going out with some friends dont hold back and be quiet, if they're good friends they wont care or they'll do it too and any strangers you see you will there is a 97% chance you'll never see them again so have fun. (speedy1330)

50. If you have a cold and can't breathe through your nose, eat some Trebor Extra strong mints (Or something similar) and drink a glass of cold water (CTFOD)
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Last edited by fearofthemark : 01-02-2010 at 11:15 PM.
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Old 01-01-2010, 05:53 PM   #2
fearofthemark
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51. Lick the roof of your mouth really fast to get rid of brain freeze. Also, thumb to the roof of your mouth.

52. 2. If you cut a grape in half and have the skin between the halfs then put it in the microwave (in an upside down cup) you can make plasma. If your microwave has a spinny thing on it, take it out. WARNING. MAY DESTROY MICROWAVE.

53. Before you go to bed, and before you wake up, stretch. Touch your toes, etc. It will help you get a better night's sleep, and prepare you for the day ahead. (Todd Hart)

54. The key to singing is having overwhelming confidence. Thats why Kurt Cobain and Jim Morrison are famous. (gengisghandi)

55. Learn to play chess. It impresses some people a lot. (gengisghandi)

55. if you order pizza while drinking at a house always save a few slices and eat them in the morning. Nothing tastes better. (metal_al73)

56. if at a gig never jump around or go in a mosh/circle pit directly after or during drinking beer.(metal_al73)

57. sign up to any bands website that you like, best way to get into presale tickets, same goes for festivals.(metal_al73)

58. if you dont like head rushes cough before you stand up. this should prevent them, works for me anyway.(metal_al73)

59. More hiccup curing techniques: Take a deep breath and then start talking. Doesn't matter what you say, just gibberish will do the trick, but make sure it is a constant flow of sound. Don't take any breaths, use up all the air you can. Repeat a few times if necessary, but it usually does it first time round for me. (entity0009)

60. When watching any sporting event, yell. Loudly. It makes me feel much better. (jld8111)

61. If youre running late, brush your teeth in the shower (jld8111)

62. The most vivid dreams happen just when you get to sleep or just when you're about to wake up. So feel free to attach yourself to that pillow a little more and dream like a motherflocker. (Xodah)

63. Salt. Baileys shot. Lime. Tastes like ice cream cake. (Xodah)

64. Everyone can learn to sing. (Xodah)

65. When you get hiccups, lick the roof of your mouth from side to side. It cures it. (Todd Hart)

66. Try sleeping naked. Always such a free feeling, and the warm feeling of a bed is augmented. (DashBlaster)

67. A good mood is made better by simply smiling at somebody. Don't say anything, just smile. (DashBlaster)

68. got teh hiccups? Have a little sip of lemon juice. Goneinstantly. Also works with vinegar. (sglover34479)

69 (lololol). Learn to play pool (or darts) really well. Procede to make bar bets (this could be dangerous if you hustle, but the pay off would be larger). (genghisgandhi)

70. If at band rehearsal, you want the whole band to listen to a song on your iPod, you could place the earphones near (on) your guitar's pickup and play the song through your guitar amp. Use the clean channel and roll down the tone knob on your guitar to keep it from being too bright. (sashki)

72. If you have a headache, apply pressure to your forehead, numbs that pain for several minutes (autumnfallsbest)

73. get two metal forks and stick them into either ends of a pickle, attach the other ends of the forks to a battery, creating a circuit. the pickle will light up. A Battery won't work, you need at least 20 volts. (cwl)

74. To fart silently, pull your asscheeks apart with your hands. (muffinbrain)

75. Never drink coke after eating chocolate. It will taste horrible (muffinbrain)

76. f you want to tell someone the truth, make them laugh. otherwise they'll hate or kill you. (catursly)

77. if you're depressed, buy a cat. they remind you that not everything in life nature has a purpose. (catursly)

78. Bulbasaur sucks, Squirtle is the best and Charmander will become a ****ing dragon once fully evolved. (JacobLampman)

79. If you get depressed, go for a long walk outside; don't just go to bed. (blue_strat)

80. Make shopping lists. They save you from buying unnecessary things. (blue_strat)

81. When shaving with a razor, use hot water when shaving (to soften the hairs) and cold water when rinsing (to close pores and stop any bleeding). (blue_strat)

82. If you ever get bored and have some old, unusable celluloid picks lying around, you can burn them. (SlayingDragons)

83. Instead of using sugar to sweeten your coffee, use instant hot chocolate. (SlayingDragons)

84. If you ever get bored of fapping with your hand, take a regular latex glove, and cut off one of the fingers. The thumb and middle work the best. Lube up the inside with baby oil, shaving gel, shampoo, or something like that, slip it on, and fap like you normally would. (SlayingDragons)

85. Do 5-10 sit-ups every day before going to bed. You will sleep nicely and eventually, you will see a difference in your body build. (thedefrockednun)

86. Dont carry on with education for the sake of partying or just getting a degree; only do it if you know the subject you are studying and enjoy it alot. (the666thmessiah)

87. Wanna get past your comfort zone of cliche guitar playing? Learn music theory ....NOW! (bobsam3)

88. If your struggling in school try teaching yourself the subject from books rather than a teacher you gain a much better non-spoonfed understanding (bobsam3)

89. If you get a splinter then put glue on it, when it dries you should be able to peel the glue and splinter away. (mattman93)

90. If you're worried about a gig, practice with a harder instrument. For example, if you're playing a gig with an electric guitar, practice with an acoustic. The end result will be much easier. (Rock_Rebel)

91. If you ever have blue balls and they aren't going to get fixed through the proper means, stress your body by pushing against a heavy object or something similar. Your entire body doing hard work causes your blood vessels to open up. Fixing the problem. (C/ruel)

92. On most water meters theres a rubber ring on the connection, if you take it out and put a clothes hanger there, the water meter wont register. (bass-man9712)

93. To impress others with your guitar playing, play things that everyone will know. It won't work with people that play guitar, but with everyone else it will work. (chaoticfables)

94. When in a crowded elevator, hold your floor number and the "close doors" button together. Keep holding them in and it will take you straight to your floor whilst skipping all the others. The reason for this is it is a safety thingy for emergency services. (benjibum2nd)

95. Guys, learn to dance! No matter how uncomfortable you may feel about it, a lot of girls find this irresistible. Don't be the guy who sits down with a glass of punch the whole time. Start dancing, act like you're having fun, and soon you will be. (Samdroid)

96. Talk to people on public transport. It's insane that you see hundreds of people a day and just walk by. (benjibum2nd)

97. When fapping, turn your hand so your pinkie is facing the tip of your wang. It's much more fulfilling that way. (2 15/16)

98. When you get assignments/homework etc, try completing it the day/or week that you get it (depending on how long you have until its due). It will save you a headache and most likely help you get a better mark by taking a more relaxed approach. (splamron)

99. Don't ever get anything with bacon at mcdonalds because its usually VERY old. (batman187)

100. When opening a can of beer. tap the part that rips open a couple of times. and it won't splash all over. (MangoStarr)

101. Eating chocolate immediately after brushing your teeth tastes like win. (breadstick)

102. if you pop the lid off most conventional bic lighters with the flame-size things on them, you can pust the stick further to get a much higher flame. But dont rip it off because you'll break it. (bass-man9712)

103. Doritos are flammable as hell. (barden1069)

104. Bacon, green olives, and lemon juice are a WTF match made in heaven try eating. all three at the same time. (velocigecko)

105. For the trippiest dreams, have a bit of cinnamon right before sleep. This can either be cinnamon gum or candy. The resulting dreams will make you trip. Hard. (izzygomez)

106. If you need to sneeze but you need to hold it in (for example, during a test), simply press on the tip of your nose and the urge should go away. (cxrlxscr)

107. When studying for an exam, play a song you like. During the test, think about the song you were listening to in your head, and you should remember everything easier. (cxrlxscr)

108. To open a beer bottle with a lighter, grab the bottle by its neck, wrapping your left hand around it just underneath the cap. place the butt of a lighter directly ontop of the knuckle on your left thumb, and push up hard with the knuckle, pinning it against the bottom edge of the bottle's cap. with your right hand, press down on the lighter using it like a lever and the top should pop right off. (NoLaurelTree000 and Mangostarr)

109. To make your shampoo last longer, when it gets 3/4-1/2 full refill the rest of the bottle with water. now instead of pouring the shampoo into your hand, just squirt some into your hair and mix it around. the shorter your hair is, the more you will be able to dilute the shampoo without seeing a decrease in cleaning ability. (NoLaurelTree000)

110. to cook potatoes more quickly, microwave them before beforehand. microwave for 10-15 minutes if baking a whole potato and less if youve diced them. the normal cook times are significantly cut down but most importantly you'll never eat potatoes with crunchy centers again. (NoLaurelTree000)

111. If you want to go sledding but dont have a sled, wax up the outside of a cardboard box. this works best on a cold day when the snow isnt wet and melting. (NoLaurelTree000)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by guitarxo
I had a dream about your avatar once, so yes of course.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bladez22


every time i see that twirling electrode avatar of yours I know that the post is worth reading or the link is worth clicking



Last edited by fearofthemark : 01-02-2010 at 11:00 PM.
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Old 01-01-2010, 05:54 PM   #3
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112. When buying fruit and veg from the local supermarket, get stuff from the back/bottom because if the employees are doing their jobs properly, the fruit there will usually be the newest (halvies)

113. When taking a girl out to eat, never tip less than 20% UNLESS the waitress flirts with you in which case you only lay down like three dollars or some other small amount. (stealer42)

114. When approaching a girl (or group of) at a bar; Never approach from behind (Creepy), and never approach directly in front (confrontational) -- Approach instead, from an angle. (Rising)

115. Your body builds muscle when it's at rest, so right before you go to sleep eat a couple spoonfuls of peanut butter to get some protein into your system. (suckmahnuts)

116. Curing acne takes months and months. Dont expect results the next day and bitch when it doesnt work. And drink assloads of water. Make it your point to pee clear at least once every day. And try not eating dairy for two months. Dairy causes many people to break out without knowing it. (Benjibum2nd and fearofthemark)

117. When tuning a guitar with a Floyd Rose, instead of tuning repeatedly from the low E to each of the other strings, tune in this order:

Code:
1 4 6 5 3 2 E A D G b e

This way takes much less time and few tries to get the tuning right. (subzero364)

117. If you've got a really bad zit, drink green tea, take some ibuprofen (or some other blood thinner) and apply ice wrapped in a paper towel directly to the zit. Works wonders. (CL/\SH)

118. When pouring a drink with a combo of one thing fizzy, one not (Jack & Coke, Fresh Orange & Lemonade) pour the fizzy in first! (voodoochild13)

119. Try out and learn at least a couple of cocktails, made from readily available things. At parties you can rustle up a nice drink for the girl that deserves it. (voodoochild13)

120. Drink lots of water. It's an easy and worthwile habit to get into-just carry a bottle around the house with you or at work and refill it when it gets empty. It's hard not to drink a bottle of water if it's right there in front of you. Does more for your skin than clearasil ever could too! (PLOP)

121. If you spill red wine on the carpet, pour liberal amounts of white wine on it immediately, and rub it into the carpet. Then, 10 minutes later, pour water on it and rub it into the carpet (the water isn't as important.) Might sound like rubbish but it works wonders. And if you ever spill red wine and have your doubts, do it anyway. If it works (which it will), no stain! If it doesn't (this will not happen! haha)-there still would have been a stain anyway so who cares? (PLOP)

122. To clear your stuffed nose, alternate thrusting your tongue against the roof of your mouth, then pressing between your eyebrows with one finger. The motion loosens congestion; after 20 seconds, you'll feel your sinuses start to drain. (ZAxel)

123. Daytripper75 is a terrible drunk

124. Do crazy or adventurous stuff. It'll make sure you dont bore your kids to death when you are older. (oxymorcide)

125. At least once a year go outside for a walk before 7 in the morning. Its pretty cool. (cejis33)
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by guitarxo
I had a dream about your avatar once, so yes of course.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bladez22


every time i see that twirling electrode avatar of yours I know that the post is worth reading or the link is worth clicking



Last edited by fearofthemark : 01-02-2010 at 11:13 PM.
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Old 01-01-2010, 05:54 PM   #4
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that number 2 sounds interesting, i'll try that....
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Old 01-01-2010, 05:55 PM   #5
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Wow.
This could be rather useful.
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Old 01-01-2010, 05:56 PM   #6
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Sounds interesting. I'll try and think of some things.
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Old 01-01-2010, 05:56 PM   #7
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This should be good.
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Old 01-01-2010, 05:56 PM   #8
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1. Jerking off to youtube videos is sometimes more gratifying than real porn
2. Get a cough drop and a cube of ice, place them in your mouth, enjoy the awesomeness
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Old 01-01-2010, 05:56 PM   #9
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Ive got one. NEVER look in the Pit for advice.
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Old 01-01-2010, 05:57 PM   #10
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I'll reserve this for later. It sounds interesting.
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Old 01-01-2010, 05:57 PM   #11
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this is useful, especially for wrapping gifts.
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Old 01-01-2010, 05:58 PM   #12
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Try having a cold glass of water after brushing your teeth.
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Old 01-01-2010, 05:58 PM   #13
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this thread is sounding epic

-eat a ripe mango, then smoke weed one hour later. you will get HIIIIGGGHHHH

-Thin-style hotdog bun + banana + peanut butter + nutella + honey = worlds best stoned food
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Old 01-01-2010, 06:00 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by fearofthemark
2. Before you take a shower, bring a glass of cold water with you, and drink it while in the hot shower. It feels amazing. (fearofthemark)


Replace the cold water with a frosty beer of your choice. Reap the benefits.
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Old 01-01-2010, 06:00 PM   #15
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Number 1 and your signature made me lol.

I guess I'll try and add something. If you find the right spot, you can stick a nail or any other long thin object in your nose (like 4 inches in) and it's completely safe. Pretty cool party trick if you get it down.

EDIT: Since this has been marked as dangerous I figured I'd find a video telling you how to do it just in case anybody wants to try it and it ends badly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBdFF05n7HU
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Old 01-01-2010, 06:01 PM   #16
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pfft BIBLE? this bible will be full of lies and such.
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I don't want to go into detail but it involves my girlfriend, a condom and 10 seconds.

If anyone sigs that I shall be most irritated
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Old 01-01-2010, 06:02 PM   #17
fearofthemark
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Quote:
Originally Posted by El Hilliaro
Number 1 and your signature made me lol.

I guess I'll try and add something. If you find the right spot, you can stick a nail or any other long thin object in your nose (like 4 inches in) and it's completely safe. Pretty cool party trick if you get it down.




that sounds like reaaaaally bad advice.

edit: looks at El Hilliaro's avatar

it all makes sense now.
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Last edited by fearofthemark : 01-01-2010 at 06:04 PM.
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Old 01-01-2010, 06:02 PM   #18
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loosen grip and increase speed just before ejaculation, then tighten grip during XD tis good
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Old 01-01-2010, 06:03 PM   #19
bellamy_morello
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whammy without a whammy bar, sounds like dam good advice to me
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Old 01-01-2010, 06:04 PM   #20
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