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Old 11-22-2012, 05:55 AM   #11781
megano28
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Originally Posted by piratemetalhead
*sigh* I have got a dilemma :|


You want to weigh in on the options. If you feel fulfilled and are happy everywhere else, then why not stay? If sex is something that's that important to you however, it doesn't make you an asshole for wanting it and therefore questioning whether you should stay.

You best bet is to educate her thoroughly and make sure she's completely filled in with the appropriate information. The stigma is going to be close to impossible to remove, considering you don't want to make her feel like she's solely a warm hole to ****. Try throwing in the anal sex suggestion? That's a middle ground for people who want to remain "virgins" while still pleasing the urge for penetrative sex and virtually no pregnancy risk.

Or you don't bother and you break up with her. The last thing you want to do there is mention that you're dumping her because she won't put out, it'll ruin her self esteem
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Old 11-22-2012, 01:17 PM   #11782
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Alright guys here it is:

I'm probably going to be losing my virginity within the next few weeks (I'm 16). I'm kind of nervous though, and I'd like some general advice! Also, I'm kind of worried she'll be off-put or something because I have pearly penile papules. Anyone with PPP (it's kind of rare so I doubt it) got some advice or anything for me? I mean, it's kind of embarassing but it's a natural thing I guess right?
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Old 11-22-2012, 02:54 PM   #11783
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Originally Posted by Rancid Ivy
Alright guys here it is:

I'm probably going to be losing my virginity within the next few weeks (I'm 16). I'm kind of nervous though, and I'd like some general advice! Also, I'm kind of worried she'll be off-put or something because I have pearly penile papules. Anyone with PPP (it's kind of rare so I doubt it) got some advice or anything for me? I mean, it's kind of embarassing but it's a natural thing I guess right?

If I googled correctly than PPP is very similar to Fordyces spots in appearance and location. Harmless and natural. Having experience of both, it's likely she won't even notice. If she does, just tell her they're normal and harmless skin condition like a mole or birthmark. Thats all you can really do. Theres nothing to be embarrassed about, its more common than you think. All genitals in general look weird anyway :P
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Old 11-22-2012, 03:01 PM   #11784
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It's actually more common than you think. Depending on how experienced she is, she may not even think twice, but if you're worried about it you could always talk to her about it before you actually have sex. They look nothing like other STIs so you don't have to sweat it, but don't try to spring it on her right as you take your pants off. I stress that if you do want to talk about it, do it way before you have sex, there's no mood killer like a talk over medical conditions right before you hit the sack.

Now tips

Relax, everyone has a first time, you're not expected to be a porn star.

Try to be a bit giving, a good partner gives as much as they receive at the minimum.

Use protection. Seeing that you're 16, a condom would be best. Protects you from STIs and pregnancy, unlike the pill. Please don't trying pulling out the first time, you're destined to fail, trust me on that one.

Don't try to be in control the entire time, especially if you're not comfortable doing so. Some girls like to lead, nothing wrong with giving your partner the reigns for a bit.

Good luck man, be safe
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Old 11-22-2012, 03:28 PM   #11785
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Aha alright, thanks guys!
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Old 11-22-2012, 04:03 PM   #11786
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Quote:
Originally Posted by megano28
You want to weigh in on the options. If you feel fulfilled and are happy everywhere else, then why not stay? If sex is something that's that important to you however, it doesn't make you an asshole for wanting it and therefore questioning whether you should stay.

You best bet is to educate her thoroughly and make sure she's completely filled in with the appropriate information. The stigma is going to be close to impossible to remove, considering you don't want to make her feel like she's solely a warm hole to ****. Try throwing in the anal sex suggestion? That's a middle ground for people who want to remain "virgins" while still pleasing the urge for penetrative sex and virtually no pregnancy risk.

Or you don't bother and you break up with her. The last thing you want to do there is mention that you're dumping her because she won't put out, it'll ruin her self esteem

You would advise him to try talking her into anal sex? Wow.

Encourage masturbation instead, particular while you're there. Encourage her to explore the pleasurable side of sex that doesn't even require a partner.

Then decide if this is really a deal breaker for you. If you end the relationship, I'm willing to bet she has sex well before you do.
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Old 11-22-2012, 04:47 PM   #11787
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He's clearly mentioned that masturbation and oral sex have been options they've employed for ages. I don't see how suggesting masturbation when they're already engaging in mutual masturbation makes any sense.

If he's not satisfied with what's being given and she doesn't want to engage in traditional sex, what else can he do, besides leave?
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Old 11-22-2012, 05:04 PM   #11788
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Quote:
Originally Posted by megano28
He's clearly mentioned that masturbation and oral sex have been options they've employed for ages. I don't see how suggesting masturbation when they're already engaging in mutual masturbation makes any sense.

If he's not satisfied with what's being given and she doesn't want to engage in traditional sex, what else can he do, besides leave?


I said encourage masturbation, not do it. There's doing something, and then doing something to encourage a positive self image and a sexual response to your partner. The point you're reinforcing in her mind is that you want sex because you want the pleasure. It has to be mutual, and it has to be good. Focus on her. Overwhelm her with the pleasure of it all, and instead of being blatant about your want for sex, let her gain a curiosity of her own.

Just don't tell a girl who tries sex under duress only that she either takes it up the arse or it's over. Hey honey, you know that pain you felt? I bet this is worse. Let's get back to the old thing now.

For a woman to enjoy anal sex she needs two things: preparation and a the ability to relax when her body really doesn't want her to. She's unlikely to have either. There's no pleasure for her in it.
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Old 11-22-2012, 05:37 PM   #11789
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I never said to give her an ultimatum. If anything, I mentioned several times throughout the post that the last thing he wants to do is objectify here and make her believe that the moment she doesn't comply, he leaves.

The way I read his post, it seemed that she's already comfortable with fooling around, but it's the idea of vaginal sex that bothers her because of her parents and the pregnancy risk. He'd need to comment about how comfortable she is with masturbating, but from what I read, I saw it more as she has a block on the one act. Because of that, I suggested anal sex as it would provide an alternative without all the stigmas she grew up with. I never told him to tell her to bite the pillow while he gets his itch scratched, if anything, it was the opposite
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Old 11-22-2012, 06:19 PM   #11790
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Quote:
Originally Posted by megano28
I never said to give her an ultimatum. If anything, I mentioned several times throughout the post that the last thing he wants to do is objectify here and make her believe that the moment she doesn't comply, he leaves.

The way I read his post, it seemed that she's already comfortable with fooling around, but it's the idea of vaginal sex that bothers her because of her parents and the pregnancy risk. He'd need to comment about how comfortable she is with masturbating, but from what I read, I saw it more as she has a block on the one act. Because of that, I suggested anal sex as it would provide an alternative without all the stigmas she grew up with. I never told him to tell her to bite the pillow while he gets his itch scratched, if anything, it was the opposite


What he says and what she'll hear are two very different things. That's the problem. It works both ways.
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Old 11-22-2012, 06:53 PM   #11791
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Thanks for the replies guys. Many of you probably know this isn't the first time I came here with something like this haha

We've basically went through all we had to say about sex. I mean, we argued and talked for hours before about safe sex and blah blah blah and though she understands me, it still feels against her nature. It's just how she was raised and how her dad wants to keep her as a little girl. I've pressured her about it before and feel like an asshat, so I'm just accepting that she's not ready, and probably won't be for a very long time. And I appreciate the advice, but I don't think suggesting anal is a good idea with her (plus I'm not even comfortable with that LOL) I could try talking about masturbation with her, but I don't think she would totally understand where I'm coming from

Right now, she just wants me to forget about it, pretend sex doesn't exist and just live happily ever after with her. Okay, so I've dated her for about a year without sex, and have been more or less fine with it. But I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me. I'm trying to be conscious and sensible without letting my emotions get the best of me, but it bothers me much more than it should. I mean, how long can I repress myself? What the **** can I really do huh... we've still got some strong emotional attachment to each other.

Can any of you guys relate to this? Long term relationship with a girl who just won't "put out"?
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Old 11-22-2012, 07:09 PM   #11792
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That's really strange - usually when you're doing fingering and oral and stuff it will usually just escalate eventually, like obviously there will be a period when you're just doing 2nd/3rd base stuff and not progressing up - but with my current girlfriend, even though she was scared of sex (her vagina was really tight), I just waited, and after a couple of months I'd be fingering her and she'd just ask for sex.

So she must be really opposed to it if even she's horny and in the mood she won't do it. But if you're happy, who cares, it will probably happen eventually.
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Old 11-22-2012, 07:30 PM   #11793
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Yeah, she knows that many girls are open about sex, but you know, you'll always come across that one girl that just won't... and I happen to be dating that one haha. There's a bunch of things that contribute to it including just conservative Chinese attitude about sex.
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Old 11-22-2012, 07:42 PM   #11794
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colohue
What he says and what she'll hear are two very different things. That's the problem. It works both ways.


knowing what he's said, it doesn't seem like he can say anything at all without sounding like he is pushing for sex/has an agenda

asking someone to masturbate on their own, when they've been so sexually repressed, is going to be a job for her more than anything. It's not like his words are going to suddenly flip a switch, it's going to take much more time than he seems wiling to commit himself to

@pirate

If she wants to remain daddy's little girl, that tells me more than enough. She isn't remaining abstinent because of her own moral standpoint(she'd tell you to fuck off if she was). She's doing it to please her father, imo that's a huge red flag when it comes to relationships.
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Last edited by megano28 : 11-22-2012 at 07:45 PM.
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Old 11-22-2012, 07:51 PM   #11795
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Yeah. What she said yesterday was that she promised her parents she wouldn't have sex, so that's where the guilt stems from. :/
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Old 11-22-2012, 09:11 PM   #11796
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So this girl who gave me her number the other night totally just rejected me. Texted her for a bit, she added me on Facebook and removed me the next day. Feels bad, man.
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Old 11-24-2012, 12:13 PM   #11797
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Anal sex.

Condom, no condom? How much lube?
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Old 11-24-2012, 12:55 PM   #11798
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Anal sex.

Condom, no condom? How much lube?

Lots of lube because the anus produces no lubrication of its own. Condom to keep things cleaner and generally be on the safe side (especially if you're going to do other sexual acts afterwards, you don't want contamination in the vagina, it can really upset the natural balance and cause urinary tract infections like cystitis) and go slow.
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Old 11-24-2012, 02:21 PM   #11799
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The condom will also naturally streamline the shape of your penis.

But yeah, lots of lube. Also preparation. Don't just shove it in there. If you want to do it she has to be comfortable with smaller things first. One bad experience can result in an analless existence for you.
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Old 11-24-2012, 03:36 PM   #11800
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Yeah, I'm gonna let her do the moves. I have had my fingers there many times. Once she fainted(anal wasnt the reason) and she's still interested.

Thanks for the tips
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