Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > UG Community > The Pit
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old 11-21-2012, 08:48 AM   #11781
N_J_B_B
Nicko.
 
N_J_B_B's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: South Australia
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colohue
Then enhance your penal fitness. If it doesn't last at least an hour, why bother?

I don't understand what you're saying... We were having sex for an hour and a half and I'm sore.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by SlackerBabbath
My ideal woman would be a grossly overweight woman who would happy go jogging, come home all sweaty and let me put my dick under her armpit while she shuffles a pack of cards.

Stay classy, pit.
N_J_B_B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-21-2012, 12:25 PM   #11782
TSmitty6
In the traphouse
 
TSmitty6's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: L-o-c-a-t-o-i-n. Location. *ding*
Having sex for more than 30mins doesnt sound appealing to me. I have homework to do.
__________________
11-5 NFL Thread Pick Em.
TSmitty6 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-21-2012, 12:29 PM   #11783
primusfan
Conspiracy Music Theorist
 
primusfan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: LOLville, KY
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colohue
Then enhance your penal fitness. If it doesn't last at least an hour, why bother?


um, i hope you're including foreplay. and by that i mean, 53 minutes of foreplay.

__________________
#DTWD
primusfan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2012, 12:57 AM   #11784
piratemetalhead
madjurstic
 
piratemetalhead's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: The Shaolin Slums
*sigh* I have got a dilemma :|

So me and my girlfriend have been dating just two weeks shy of one year (11 and a half months...), we've fooled around in bed a lot (fingering, blowjobs), but we've had some tension and arguments about sex. Her family basically taught her that sex is wrong and unnatural (unless you're married of course! *facepalm*... they're not even religious..), she's been convinced of tons of scary info about teen pregnancy, and basically she feels like she's not ready yet. I'm 18 and she's 17.

We've had our disagreements and twice she's given in and tried it (and changed her mind shortly...), but both times ended up with her obviously being uncomfortable with it and me not even being able to keep it up >.> The past two months I've been busy and haven't been seeing her much, and didn't ask her about sex.

It wasn't until today when she told me that when she tried it, it wasn't because she was ready or had really changed her mind, but because she was only scared of losing me and tired of arguing. She said realistically, she won't be ready for at least another year, and that she just can't handle the guilt that she would feel if she actually did it. There wasn't really much left to say after that... I told her she can't expect me to wait forever, but that I love her, and I had to leave after that.

So, from this point, I'm not really sure what's happening. I'm not angry, or particularly upset, or even frustrated. But I don't think I'm staying with her long. For myself, being alone is going to be different (she's my first girlfriend), but I can handle it. To be honest, she does love me more than I love her, so I'm scared of breaking up with her because of the misery and pain she's going to feel. Her first boyfriend dumped her after a month because she wouldn't put out, so that lead to a lot of trust and sex issues. I care about her enough that I don't want to do something to **** her up or damage her character.

Should I tough it out past the one year mark? Her birthday is the day before that as well. ****. I can't let my emotions drive the way I act or talk this time, I need to really do something.

TLDR: First girlfriend that I've been dating for 11 months isn't ready for sex, this time I'm like "okay", but not sure what to do.
__________________
Last.fm
piratemetalhead is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2012, 05:32 AM   #11785
OddOneOut
UG's Essex Girl
 
OddOneOut's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Essex, England innit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by piratemetalhead
*sigh* I have got a dilemma :|

So me and my girlfriend have been dating just two weeks shy of one year (11 and a half months...), we've fooled around in bed a lot (fingering, blowjobs), but we've had some tension and arguments about sex. Her family basically taught her that sex is wrong and unnatural (unless you're married of course! *facepalm*... they're not even religious..), she's been convinced of tons of scary info about teen pregnancy, and basically she feels like she's not ready yet. I'm 18 and she's 17.

We've had our disagreements and twice she's given in and tried it (and changed her mind shortly...), but both times ended up with her obviously being uncomfortable with it and me not even being able to keep it up >.> The past two months I've been busy and haven't been seeing her much, and didn't ask her about sex.

It wasn't until today when she told me that when she tried it, it wasn't because she was ready or had really changed her mind, but because she was only scared of losing me and tired of arguing. She said realistically, she won't be ready for at least another year, and that she just can't handle the guilt that she would feel if she actually did it. There wasn't really much left to say after that... I told her she can't expect me to wait forever, but that I love her, and I had to leave after that.

So, from this point, I'm not really sure what's happening. I'm not angry, or particularly upset, or even frustrated. But I don't think I'm staying with her long. For myself, being alone is going to be different (she's my first girlfriend), but I can handle it. To be honest, she does love me more than I love her, so I'm scared of breaking up with her because of the misery and pain she's going to feel. Her first boyfriend dumped her after a month because she wouldn't put out, so that lead to a lot of trust and sex issues. I care about her enough that I don't want to do something to **** her up or damage her character.

Should I tough it out past the one year mark? Her birthday is the day before that as well. ****. I can't let my emotions drive the way I act or talk this time, I need to really do something.

TLDR: First girlfriend that I've been dating for 11 months isn't ready for sex, this time I'm like "okay", but not sure what to do.

So you're breaking up with her for the exact same reasons as her first boyfriend and therefore adding to her sex and trust issues.

You're a twat and by pressuring her into sex you've already hurt her feelings and further knocked her impression that sex is bad, especially if your attempts were painful. How can she trust someone who doesn't respect her views on sex? So far the only thing she's learned from relationships is that the only thing men want is sex and that if she wants their affection she has to do something painful that she isn't comfortable with. If she's not ok with sex and therefore not in the mood for it, then sex will be uncomfortable or painful.

The ideal solution to your initial problem was to educate yourselves about sex and contraception so she could see why sex before marriage is not immoral and can be beneficial, then let her decide for herself if she was willing to try it.
If someone isn't ready for sex you should always respect that. Putting pressure on sex is never a good idea ,no matter how experienced a person is. If you're not going to relax on the issue then you should do her a favour and step away now.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Renka
OddOneOut is an Essex S&M mistress and not a pirate or a computer program.


Last edited by OddOneOut : 11-22-2012 at 05:35 AM.
OddOneOut is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2012, 05:55 AM   #11786
megano28
Inspiring Multi's
 
megano28's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by piratemetalhead
*sigh* I have got a dilemma :|


You want to weigh in on the options. If you feel fulfilled and are happy everywhere else, then why not stay? If sex is something that's that important to you however, it doesn't make you an asshole for wanting it and therefore questioning whether you should stay.

You best bet is to educate her thoroughly and make sure she's completely filled in with the appropriate information. The stigma is going to be close to impossible to remove, considering you don't want to make her feel like she's solely a warm hole to ****. Try throwing in the anal sex suggestion? That's a middle ground for people who want to remain "virgins" while still pleasing the urge for penetrative sex and virtually no pregnancy risk.

Or you don't bother and you break up with her. The last thing you want to do there is mention that you're dumping her because she won't put out, it'll ruin her self esteem
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tanglewoodguit
I'm against hatred


Quote:
Originally Posted by EndTheRapture51
Because if I par myself enough maybe everyone else will stop.
megano28 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2012, 01:17 PM   #11787
Rancid Ivy
connard de canard
 
Rancid Ivy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Montréal
Alright guys here it is:

I'm probably going to be losing my virginity within the next few weeks (I'm 16). I'm kind of nervous though, and I'd like some general advice! Also, I'm kind of worried she'll be off-put or something because I have pearly penile papules. Anyone with PPP (it's kind of rare so I doubt it) got some advice or anything for me? I mean, it's kind of embarassing but it's a natural thing I guess right?
__________________
"You have brains in your head,
You have feet in your shoes,
You can steer yourself,
any direction you choose,
You're on your own,
And you know what you know,
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go."

- Dr. Seuss
Rancid Ivy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2012, 02:54 PM   #11788
OddOneOut
UG's Essex Girl
 
OddOneOut's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Essex, England innit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rancid Ivy
Alright guys here it is:

I'm probably going to be losing my virginity within the next few weeks (I'm 16). I'm kind of nervous though, and I'd like some general advice! Also, I'm kind of worried she'll be off-put or something because I have pearly penile papules. Anyone with PPP (it's kind of rare so I doubt it) got some advice or anything for me? I mean, it's kind of embarassing but it's a natural thing I guess right?

If I googled correctly than PPP is very similar to Fordyces spots in appearance and location. Harmless and natural. Having experience of both, it's likely she won't even notice. If she does, just tell her they're normal and harmless skin condition like a mole or birthmark. Thats all you can really do. Theres nothing to be embarrassed about, its more common than you think. All genitals in general look weird anyway :P
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Renka
OddOneOut is an Essex S&M mistress and not a pirate or a computer program.

OddOneOut is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2012, 03:01 PM   #11789
megano28
Inspiring Multi's
 
megano28's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
It's actually more common than you think. Depending on how experienced she is, she may not even think twice, but if you're worried about it you could always talk to her about it before you actually have sex. They look nothing like other STIs so you don't have to sweat it, but don't try to spring it on her right as you take your pants off. I stress that if you do want to talk about it, do it way before you have sex, there's no mood killer like a talk over medical conditions right before you hit the sack.

Now tips

Relax, everyone has a first time, you're not expected to be a porn star.

Try to be a bit giving, a good partner gives as much as they receive at the minimum.

Use protection. Seeing that you're 16, a condom would be best. Protects you from STIs and pregnancy, unlike the pill. Please don't trying pulling out the first time, you're destined to fail, trust me on that one.

Don't try to be in control the entire time, especially if you're not comfortable doing so. Some girls like to lead, nothing wrong with giving your partner the reigns for a bit.

Good luck man, be safe
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tanglewoodguit
I'm against hatred


Quote:
Originally Posted by EndTheRapture51
Because if I par myself enough maybe everyone else will stop.
megano28 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2012, 03:28 PM   #11790
Rancid Ivy
connard de canard
 
Rancid Ivy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Montréal
Aha alright, thanks guys!
__________________
"You have brains in your head,
You have feet in your shoes,
You can steer yourself,
any direction you choose,
You're on your own,
And you know what you know,
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go."

- Dr. Seuss
Rancid Ivy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2012, 04:03 PM   #11791
Colohue
UG Writer
 
Colohue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Blackpool, England
Quote:
Originally Posted by megano28
You want to weigh in on the options. If you feel fulfilled and are happy everywhere else, then why not stay? If sex is something that's that important to you however, it doesn't make you an asshole for wanting it and therefore questioning whether you should stay.

You best bet is to educate her thoroughly and make sure she's completely filled in with the appropriate information. The stigma is going to be close to impossible to remove, considering you don't want to make her feel like she's solely a warm hole to ****. Try throwing in the anal sex suggestion? That's a middle ground for people who want to remain "virgins" while still pleasing the urge for penetrative sex and virtually no pregnancy risk.

Or you don't bother and you break up with her. The last thing you want to do there is mention that you're dumping her because she won't put out, it'll ruin her self esteem

You would advise him to try talking her into anal sex? Wow.

Encourage masturbation instead, particular while you're there. Encourage her to explore the pleasurable side of sex that doesn't even require a partner.

Then decide if this is really a deal breaker for you. If you end the relationship, I'm willing to bet she has sex well before you do.
__________________
Tom Colohue is a writer from Blackpool, England, recognisable for his integrative descriptive work and his cynical textual mannerisms.

Facebook Fan Page

Twitter feed

I have the most profile views on UG.
Colohue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2012, 04:47 PM   #11792
megano28
Inspiring Multi's
 
megano28's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
He's clearly mentioned that masturbation and oral sex have been options they've employed for ages. I don't see how suggesting masturbation when they're already engaging in mutual masturbation makes any sense.

If he's not satisfied with what's being given and she doesn't want to engage in traditional sex, what else can he do, besides leave?
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tanglewoodguit
I'm against hatred


Quote:
Originally Posted by EndTheRapture51
Because if I par myself enough maybe everyone else will stop.
megano28 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2012, 05:04 PM   #11793
Colohue
UG Writer
 
Colohue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Blackpool, England
Quote:
Originally Posted by megano28
He's clearly mentioned that masturbation and oral sex have been options they've employed for ages. I don't see how suggesting masturbation when they're already engaging in mutual masturbation makes any sense.

If he's not satisfied with what's being given and she doesn't want to engage in traditional sex, what else can he do, besides leave?


I said encourage masturbation, not do it. There's doing something, and then doing something to encourage a positive self image and a sexual response to your partner. The point you're reinforcing in her mind is that you want sex because you want the pleasure. It has to be mutual, and it has to be good. Focus on her. Overwhelm her with the pleasure of it all, and instead of being blatant about your want for sex, let her gain a curiosity of her own.

Just don't tell a girl who tries sex under duress only that she either takes it up the arse or it's over. Hey honey, you know that pain you felt? I bet this is worse. Let's get back to the old thing now.

For a woman to enjoy anal sex she needs two things: preparation and a the ability to relax when her body really doesn't want her to. She's unlikely to have either. There's no pleasure for her in it.
__________________
Tom Colohue is a writer from Blackpool, England, recognisable for his integrative descriptive work and his cynical textual mannerisms.

Facebook Fan Page

Twitter feed

I have the most profile views on UG.
Colohue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2012, 05:37 PM   #11794
megano28
Inspiring Multi's
 
megano28's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
I never said to give her an ultimatum. If anything, I mentioned several times throughout the post that the last thing he wants to do is objectify here and make her believe that the moment she doesn't comply, he leaves.

The way I read his post, it seemed that she's already comfortable with fooling around, but it's the idea of vaginal sex that bothers her because of her parents and the pregnancy risk. He'd need to comment about how comfortable she is with masturbating, but from what I read, I saw it more as she has a block on the one act. Because of that, I suggested anal sex as it would provide an alternative without all the stigmas she grew up with. I never told him to tell her to bite the pillow while he gets his itch scratched, if anything, it was the opposite
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tanglewoodguit
I'm against hatred


Quote:
Originally Posted by EndTheRapture51
Because if I par myself enough maybe everyone else will stop.
megano28 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2012, 06:19 PM   #11795
Colohue
UG Writer
 
Colohue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Blackpool, England
Quote:
Originally Posted by megano28
I never said to give her an ultimatum. If anything, I mentioned several times throughout the post that the last thing he wants to do is objectify here and make her believe that the moment she doesn't comply, he leaves.

The way I read his post, it seemed that she's already comfortable with fooling around, but it's the idea of vaginal sex that bothers her because of her parents and the pregnancy risk. He'd need to comment about how comfortable she is with masturbating, but from what I read, I saw it more as she has a block on the one act. Because of that, I suggested anal sex as it would provide an alternative without all the stigmas she grew up with. I never told him to tell her to bite the pillow while he gets his itch scratched, if anything, it was the opposite


What he says and what she'll hear are two very different things. That's the problem. It works both ways.
__________________
Tom Colohue is a writer from Blackpool, England, recognisable for his integrative descriptive work and his cynical textual mannerisms.

Facebook Fan Page

Twitter feed

I have the most profile views on UG.
Colohue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2012, 06:53 PM   #11796
piratemetalhead
madjurstic
 
piratemetalhead's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: The Shaolin Slums
Thanks for the replies guys. Many of you probably know this isn't the first time I came here with something like this haha

We've basically went through all we had to say about sex. I mean, we argued and talked for hours before about safe sex and blah blah blah and though she understands me, it still feels against her nature. It's just how she was raised and how her dad wants to keep her as a little girl. I've pressured her about it before and feel like an asshat, so I'm just accepting that she's not ready, and probably won't be for a very long time. And I appreciate the advice, but I don't think suggesting anal is a good idea with her (plus I'm not even comfortable with that LOL) I could try talking about masturbation with her, but I don't think she would totally understand where I'm coming from

Right now, she just wants me to forget about it, pretend sex doesn't exist and just live happily ever after with her. Okay, so I've dated her for about a year without sex, and have been more or less fine with it. But I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me. I'm trying to be conscious and sensible without letting my emotions get the best of me, but it bothers me much more than it should. I mean, how long can I repress myself? What the **** can I really do huh... we've still got some strong emotional attachment to each other.

Can any of you guys relate to this? Long term relationship with a girl who just won't "put out"?
__________________
Last.fm
piratemetalhead is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2012, 07:09 PM   #11797
EndTheRapture51
The Pit's Official Sexist
 
EndTheRapture51's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: UK
That's really strange - usually when you're doing fingering and oral and stuff it will usually just escalate eventually, like obviously there will be a period when you're just doing 2nd/3rd base stuff and not progressing up - but with my current girlfriend, even though she was scared of sex (her vagina was really tight), I just waited, and after a couple of months I'd be fingering her and she'd just ask for sex.

So she must be really opposed to it if even she's horny and in the mood she won't do it. But if you're happy, who cares, it will probably happen eventually.
__________________
#WengerOut #SexistAndProud

Quote:
Originally Posted by ali.guitarkid7
You want me to back up that you're a sexist? I'm using your posts as evidence.
EndTheRapture51 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2012, 07:30 PM   #11798
piratemetalhead
madjurstic
 
piratemetalhead's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: The Shaolin Slums
Yeah, she knows that many girls are open about sex, but you know, you'll always come across that one girl that just won't... and I happen to be dating that one haha. There's a bunch of things that contribute to it including just conservative Chinese attitude about sex.
__________________
Last.fm
piratemetalhead is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2012, 07:42 PM   #11799
megano28
Inspiring Multi's
 
megano28's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colohue
What he says and what she'll hear are two very different things. That's the problem. It works both ways.


knowing what he's said, it doesn't seem like he can say anything at all without sounding like he is pushing for sex/has an agenda

asking someone to masturbate on their own, when they've been so sexually repressed, is going to be a job for her more than anything. It's not like his words are going to suddenly flip a switch, it's going to take much more time than he seems wiling to commit himself to

@pirate

If she wants to remain daddy's little girl, that tells me more than enough. She isn't remaining abstinent because of her own moral standpoint(she'd tell you to fuck off if she was). She's doing it to please her father, imo that's a huge red flag when it comes to relationships.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tanglewoodguit
I'm against hatred


Quote:
Originally Posted by EndTheRapture51
Because if I par myself enough maybe everyone else will stop.

Last edited by megano28 : 11-22-2012 at 07:45 PM.
megano28 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2012, 07:51 PM   #11800
piratemetalhead
madjurstic
 
piratemetalhead's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: The Shaolin Slums
Yeah. What she said yesterday was that she promised her parents she wouldn't have sex, so that's where the guilt stems from. :/
__________________
Last.fm
piratemetalhead is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:43 AM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.