denizenz

The way you linger,
like a vapor, on my skin
it makes me sick.
And, as I breath you in,
the sin of it abhors me
and leaves my
moral sensibilities
undone.
Am I the only one
of us
still feeling all alone
because
I don’t think I can take more solitude.
I can’t fake this squalid love for you -
who’d let your veins
for moments in the sun.
And even as it set
once and for all,
while playwrights screamed
for curtain call,
I’m certain
that you’d fail to glean
the meaning from it all.

Still I need to feel
that burning in my lungs -
it keeps me young.
I know I'll miss this
once it's gone.
I've learned to suffer
from
your culture of
pretentiousness.
Though trite,
the lesson always was that
ignorance is bliss.

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canvasDude

The five words I highlighted in red are to commend you on your craftiness with the way you rhymed them, and used line breaks to emphasize the similarity of otherwise unrelated words. Very nice, and a very enjoyable read.

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DigUpHerBones

The line that starts with 'can't' might perhaps be stronger if it started with an 'I'. It feels a bit like a pop punk song otherwise. And the last line could be said much better. I like this. Especially the start and the burning lungs.

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philmalone666

I rather enjoyed this, although I have to be honest, there's parts of this I don't quite get the meaning of/don't understand the context you use them in:
"who'd let.....moments in the sun" and "I've learned to suffer.....pretentiousness" for example, but that's probably because I'm just not the brightest guy out there :P
Over-all though, it's very good.

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Sexy Librarian

Does the word "let" in "Who'd let your veins for moments in the sun" refer to bloodletting? Does she mutilate herself? If so (which it's prolaby not) then why do so to be in the sun? Good read btw. Very commendable. I just don't understand the part mentioned above

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denizenz

You're correct that to let ones veins is to bleed them. The moments in the sun was meant to refer to fame, which explains, or is explained by, the line, "culture of pretentiousness".

Thanks for the feedback everyone!

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Leader of the Sarcasm Gestapo. PM me to be laughed at and denied admission.


Recent Writing:
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Locke and Keynes
Love like a morning mist
Wearing our souls
The fourth

culex-knight

Opinion mirrors that of Miss Dig.

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