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Old 06-23-2010, 08:32 AM   #1
denizenz
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Locke and Keynes

One day I saw a scarecrow covered in birds.
Few words can say
how it made me feel
to see them hover
over the fields
and slowly carry their crops away.
And as I watched in awe,
the farmer walked across
his rows of summer maize.
The crows cawed
then lumbered lazily away,
and the man grumbled,
then merely paid the straw its wage.

I saw a farmer with no farm today,
and I dared not rest the blame
as mourners came to bless his grave.
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Last edited by denizenz : 06-24-2010 at 08:54 AM.
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Old 06-23-2010, 03:02 PM   #2
miloh.core
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finally.
a song with maize.
life is complete.
well done.
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Old 06-23-2010, 06:41 PM   #3
Mutmoo
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This piece flowed extremely well without seeming sing-songy. There isn't anything I'd change in it (except for the little comma/line break error on line 10). This was very good.

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Old 06-23-2010, 06:45 PM   #4
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Great flow in it. I didn't think it was particularly 'good' until the last three lines. Turned it from some random observation writing to actually... making sense.

Great read!
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Old 06-23-2010, 07:19 PM   #5
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I agree with everyone above. The entire piece wouldn't have worked if not for the last 3 lines.
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Old 06-24-2010, 08:57 AM   #6
denizenz
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Thanks for the feedback. I wrestled with lines 10-13 as they were originally written, and now I think I've gotten them straightened out. It should keep the flow and the theme while clearing up some awkward grammar.

I'm surprised that everyone believes the piece to be lost without the final three lines.
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Old 06-24-2010, 10:22 AM   #7
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I really like that. Its a good idea for a piece. I'm really unsure about the flow though, I think it could be made better but then it could be just me and the way Im looking at it .
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Old 06-24-2010, 06:20 PM   #8
Mutmoo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by denizenz

I'm surprised that everyone believes the piece to be lost without the final three lines.

I don't.
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Old 06-24-2010, 07:17 PM   #9
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Brilliant piece. A commentary on taxation, the government taking away the money people worked for, etc. Great metaphor you used, I think a lot of the previous posters missed what you were actually saying.

Excellent, don't see anything I can really do tell you to improve upon.


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Old 06-25-2010, 01:43 PM   #10
denizenz
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JakdOnCrack
Brilliant piece. A commentary on taxation, the government taking away the money people worked for, etc. Great metaphor you used, I think a lot of the previous posters missed what you were actually saying.


Finally. I had figured the title would be a giveaway that the piece demands more than a literal reading. I like your interpretation, but it wasn't really what I had in mind. I wanted to contrast the functional economic laws of supply and demand against the Keynesian philosophy of government policy and regulation. At some point, labor laws and a regulated minimum wage begin damaging the economy rather than increasing living standards.

I mean, the scarecrow only has one job, and it can't even get it right
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