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Old 06-28-2010, 07:31 PM   #1
QAZAR
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Epic Piano Piece/Death Metal With Solo-Need Critique! GP5 C4C

So I've been working on this song for about a week and I need critique as to how well the riffs and shit go together. I worked for 10 minutes on the solo this morning so don't judge that part too hard haha. I am planning on playing this song with my band live... so if any of you ****ers even think of stealing any god damn riff in this song i will bite your ****ing nose off and spit AIDs into the hole where your nose used to be.

kidding.

or am i?

C4C
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File Type: gp5 LORD OF BEES.gp5 (84.9 KB, 212 views)
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Last edited by QAZAR : 06-28-2010 at 07:34 PM.
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Old 06-28-2010, 07:48 PM   #2
stratreynolds
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great solo a little showy for my taste but fantastic good luck playing it
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Old 06-28-2010, 07:49 PM   #3
Nameless742
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Sounds better with a metronome.
tick tick lml... brb with serious feedback

I like it.
your drummers gonna have some fun laying out all that double bass, but that's metal these days eh.
Gonna be hard to pull that off, hope your rhythm guitarist is good.
The problem I see with metal bands like yours live is, the solo never stands out.
How is that working out for you?
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Last edited by Nameless742 : 06-28-2010 at 07:56 PM.
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Old 06-28-2010, 10:47 PM   #4
lord_nosfuratu
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Yea great song man, loved it. The ending was pretty epic, but like someone else said, good luck playing it.
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Old 06-28-2010, 11:47 PM   #5
JazzDeath
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Well, onto the clits!

I mean, crit.

Well, the intro sounds... ambitious, has something that interests me but it all ends up getting lost in this muddiness, like it lacks focus on the low frequencies, such as the bass.

It sounds like it has potential but at the moment I really can't latch onto anything or any sort of leading melody so it leaves no impression.

First riff is efficient and sounds good, gives me this feeling of "Hey I've heard this before" but I haven't, so it's pretty cool, but it doesn't exactly stand out as like "Hey this is Qazar material!"

The riff at 23, now THIS is what I'm talking about. This really comes out at me like LORD OF BEESSSS, RUN FOR YOUR LIFEEEE! It's awesome, I love it.

The riff afterwards really is grim as hell and it sounds great ,I really liked that too, catchy and evil as all hell.

Part 38 makes me think of Black Dahlia's more evil sounding stuff, it's effective at what it does and I get what you tried to achieve - yet again, it lacks this, signature flavor to it.

Bar 49 for your solo - would be nice if you accentuate that triplet feel and really make it PUNCH OUT at the listener, include that into your solo, and it would really add a lot of dynamic to that section - the note just ringing out on guitar is lackluster compared to the rest.

Then starting bar 53 up to bar 56 -seems like you wrote solo lines, sure, but they are not cohesive together, and so just come off as a jumble of ideas and not a solid line - work on linking them together to bring them somewhere!

That bar 61 kind of sounds odd but... I wish you would have repeated a lead line on top of the rhythm section in the same pattern or something similar to make that off kilter, dissonant melody stick and really add to the unease of the piece, it would make it sound killer and give it more edge!

Interesting riff at 71 - would be cool if all your rhythmic sections accentuated when the lead does triplets though, again would link it all together better!

The piano thing you added on top was sweet but I would have liked to hear piano continue on top of your last riff and add like, big evil piano chords perhaps to back your riffing, finish it off on something grandiose and epic.


Well it really sounds like I have a lot of bitching and negative points on this song but, I wouldn't bother writing them and making a review if I didn't think it has _potential_! so really I hope you work on it because it could become really cool, your structure is down solid, you just need to make everything stick together better, and make it stand out as your own!

Care to C4C? Check out my Uber Folder and pick a song, I would appreciate it!
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Old 07-01-2010, 05:43 PM   #6
QAZAR
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alright changed some minor shit check it out.
Attached Files
File Type: gp5 LORD OF BEES.gp5 (74.5 KB, 32 views)
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The only logical solution is to Bury The ENTIRE POPULATION
HUNDREDS Of Feet Underground.


My Death Metal Band: www.facebook.com/Exylumofficial
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