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Old 08-15-2010, 01:26 AM   #1
dyllpickle94
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Moonshine.

Moonshine

VERSE 1
Tonight the sky invited me
To dance in it's serenity
For the rest of life's eternity
So come on...
And as we sat in this brillent town
Oh how the stars and moon shown down
I think im finding out right now
Where I belong...

PRECHORUS
The waves pound harder
These stars are dancing in my head
The moon is calling
And sandy shores turn into beds

CHORUS
So strum a little faster
And hum a little louder
Tonight were gonna feel just fine
Dancing neath' the sky's moonshine
So smile a little harder
And breath a little softer
Hold on to your friends and ill hold mine
Were bound beneath the sky's moonshine

VERSE 2
The sand is soft so welcoming
So dip your toes and jump right in
Cause tonight the oceans ours to swim
Have no fear...
Leave your problems far behind
Well do some drugs and take some time
To realize just what were trying to find
Is right here...

PRECHORUS
The waves pound harder
These stars are dancing in my head
The moon is calling
And sandy shores turn into beds

CHORUS
So strum a little faster
And hum a little louder
Tonight were gonna feel just fine
Dancing neath' the sky's moonshine
So smile a little harder
And breath a little softer
Hold on to your friends and ill hold mine
Were bound beneath the sky's moonshine

BRIDGE
Beds of sand
And holding hands
I think the stars agree
That this is the only home for me...

PRECHORUS (softer)
The waves pound harder
These stars are dancing in my head
The moon is calling
And sandy shores turn into beds

CHORUS
So strum a little faster
And hum a little louder
Tonight were gonna feel just fine
Dancing neath' the sky's moonshine
So smile a little harder
And breath a little softer
Hold on to your friends and ill hold mine
Were bound beneath the sky's moonshine

OUTRO
Sandy beds and smiling heads
I think im right this time
I think im gonna like this new moonshine...

Last edited by dyllpickle94 : 08-15-2010 at 10:41 AM.
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Old 08-16-2010, 01:52 AM   #2
JordanZZ
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
this ain't bad. The theme reminds me of dave matthews, or bob dylan's tambourine man: "To dance beneath the diamond sky, with one hand waving free, silhouetted by the sea..."

I wonder about going further though. Surely, that feeling of freedom can't continue forever. Perhaps it might be good to try to work that in somewhere? The language/images are a little basic/cliche. It is a call to join hands and dance and celebrate, which is great, but I wonder what started it? You say the sky called down when they were sitting in town. Where were they in town and who is they and what were they doing? Also, you might want to reconsider that 2nd verse. It feels plain and blunt.

You may not want to or care to ask or answer these questions, which is fine, but I'm just trying to make things a little more complicated.

Hold on to your friends and ill hold mine
Were bound beneath the sky's moonshine

I like these two lines a lot.

Jordan

PS. Also, that final line makes me wonder if they're drinking moonshine and maybe that was the impetus to get them outside hootin and hollerin up at the sky.
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