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Old 08-13-2010, 08:43 PM   #1
Ramblin'_Man
UG's Reggae fanatic
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Pot Set the World on Fire

Here's a bluesy acoustic song I wrote yesterday. C4C


Sometimes I just want to set the world on fire,
Sometimes I want to set the whole world aflame


When I pay my taxes, when I fail my classes,
When I donít pass the test

When Iíve lost my motivation, because of self deprivation,
When I canít find a job

When I owe the court, because of my criminal report
My P.O. called I got to meet him, in downtown Waukegan.
When Uncle Samís on my back


Sometimes I just want to set the world on fire,
Sometimes I want to set the whole world aflame


When Iím all alone, with no girl to call my own
When Iím sexually frustrated

When the bills pile up, and my creditís a bust
When I donít got a bed of my own


Sometimes I just want to set the world on fire,
Sometimes I want to set the whole world aflame
When lifeís not going your way, just set the world a blaze.
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Old 08-14-2010, 09:17 PM   #2
SomeoneYouKnew
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Sometimes I just want to set the world on fire,
Sometimes I want to set the whole world aflame
There is a medium amount of repetition from the first line into the second.
Medium is BAD. Medium is weak.
It would be stronger is you kept the second line identical until the last word.
Or go a different way, completely.
"And watch it all go up in flames" or smth.


When I pay my taxes, when I fail my classes,
When I donít pass the test

When Iíve lost my motivation, because of self deprivation,
"because" hurts more than it helps. Both here and in the next section.
consider spinning this a different way.

When I canít find a job

When I owe the court, because of my criminal report
My P.O. called I got to meet him, in downtown Waukegan.
When Uncle Samís on my back


Sometimes I just want to set the world on fire,
Sometimes I want to set the whole world aflame


When Iím all alone, with no girl to call my own
When Iím sexually frustrated
Ya mean when your hormones moan? lol

When the bills pile up, and my creditís a bust
When I donít got a bed of my own


Sometimes I just want to set the world on fire,
Sometimes I want to set the whole world aflame
When lifeís not going your way, just set the world a blaze.



It's kinda angsty, but imho that's not really enough.
I'd like to see more descriptive imagery and/or a hook.



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Old 08-15-2010, 02:35 AM   #3
Ramblin'_Man
UG's Reggae fanatic
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Thanks for your help. I'm tired, but I'll crit yours tomorrow. I see what you're saying about those "becauses", but I have found something that I like better yet.


Sometimes I just want to set the world on fire,
Sometimes I want to see the skies in flames


When I pay my taxes, when I fail my classes,
When I donít pass the test

When Iíve lost my motivation, because of self deprivation,
When I canít find a job

When I owe the court, because of my criminal report
My P.O. called I got to meet him, in downtown Waukegan.
When Uncle Samís on my back


Sometimes I just want to set the world on fire,
Sometimes I want to see the skies in flames


When Iím all alone, with no girl to call my own
When Iím sexually frustrated

When the bills pile up, and my creditís a bust
When I donít got a bed of my own


Sometimes I just want to set the world on fire,
Sometimes I want to see the skies in flames


When I mumble every night, cigarette burn on my thigh
When I just fall asleep

When I canít read the Gospel, never seen a miracle
When God wonít talk to me


Sometimes I just want to set the world on fire,
Sometimes I want to see the skies in flames
When lifeís not going your way, just set the world a blaze.

Last edited by Ramblin'_Man : 08-15-2010 at 03:54 AM.
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