Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > Music > Songwriting & Lyrics
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old 08-27-2010, 04:06 PM   #1
24WildRovers
The Wild Hippy Rover
 
24WildRovers's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Untitled (Cubicle Work)

Beep, beep, beep, beep
Six a.m.
Beep, beep, beep
Six Thirty
Beep, beep
Seven a.m.
Beep
Oh shit! I'm late

As you get out of bed
Put on your pants
And grab your shoes
It's a new day all over again

Now your late to work
And your boss is yelling
Grab another cup of coffee
There's another paper to redo

Memorandums and filling sheets
The printer's broke again
And there's no coffee left
Now the boss is calling for you

Now you work just hard enough
That you won't get fired
But now you've had enough
It's time you packed your stuff

And you return again tomorrow

c4c, just leave a link and I will critique on my next chance
__________________
Comments or Suggestions
Omit or Change
Suggested Changes


I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
:

Last edited by 24WildRovers : 08-27-2010 at 10:41 PM.
24WildRovers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-27-2010, 05:47 PM   #2
LandingLight
Registered User
 
LandingLight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
"The printer's broke again
And there's no coffee left
Now the boss is calling for you"

Nothing worse than this!!! I feel your pain.

I really enjoyed this, you've clearly put a lot of thought into it. It reads like a poem- which I assume was your purpose?

I enjoy reading work about every day things that most people would just overlook and deem unworthy of poetry. This is an excellent example of this- only mild crit would be the fourth stanza with 5 lines, I felt the rhythm was slightly thrown off with it. Other than that, excellent job. Thanks for sharing

LL
LandingLight is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-27-2010, 10:40 PM   #3
24WildRovers
The Wild Hippy Rover
 
24WildRovers's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by LandingLight
"The printer's broke again
And there's no coffee left
Now the boss is calling for you"

Nothing worse than this!!! I feel your pain.

I really enjoyed this, you've clearly put a lot of thought into it. It reads like a poem- which I assume was your purpose?

I enjoy reading work about every day things that most people would just overlook and deem unworthy of poetry. This is an excellent example of this- only mild crit would be the fourth stanza with 5 lines, I felt the rhythm was slightly thrown off with it. Other than that, excellent job. Thanks for sharing

LL

Thanks As for the rhyme, I wasn't really going for any rhyme in particular. And thanks for the notice that one stanza had five lines, I can't believe I missed that.

Actually, I have never been in a cubicle before. I wrote this after watching "Office Space'' the movie. And after you see it, you'll notice the simularities
__________________
Comments or Suggestions
Omit or Change
Suggested Changes


I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
:
24WildRovers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-27-2010, 11:14 PM   #4
Aeolian Harmony
Registered User
 
Aeolian Harmony's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
I really can't think of anything to say about your piece at the moment, but Office Space is awesome.... "I believe you have my stapler."
Aeolian Harmony is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-28-2010, 03:38 PM   #5
24WildRovers
The Wild Hippy Rover
 
24WildRovers's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aeolian Harmony
I really can't think of anything to say about your piece at the moment, but Office Space is awesome.... "I believe you have my stapler."

Thank you so much Actually the whole first part and the first stanza I wrote before Office Space, and then everything after I wrote after Office Space. And I think that movie is in my top three favorite movies ever.
__________________
Comments or Suggestions
Omit or Change
Suggested Changes


I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
:
24WildRovers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-29-2010, 07:48 AM   #6
levymonroe
Registered User
 
levymonroe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
the 1st part is really cool. nice work!
levymonroe is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:09 PM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.