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Old 08-28-2010, 10:28 AM   #1
OhtotheNoes
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Monster Killer - Folk

Hello everyone, I decided to register so I could get some feedback on these lyrics! I know they're not perfect, but I've already got the chords down and I know they will fit in to the progression I've got.

It's quite a short song, and only has four chords, but I'd quite like to add a bridge or an alternating chorus, I just haven't been able to accomplish the same flow the rest of the song has.

Anyway tell me what you think!

Monster Killer
Well, my sea legs they abandoned me,
On a boat, while out at sea,

I recall that I once said, that If you cannot keep your legs
then you'll never sail again

And so we docked on to the shore,
We were greeted with applause, from sailor out the bars

They said, ''You've killed that which brought fear to our seas,
Now we can sail again, in complete safety''

Oh boy you're a monster killer,
No man has returned, from his adventure and we have learned

That you must be a monster killer,
You have such a heroic like demeanor

''Sailor, sir yeah you must got me wrong, I am weak to the core,
I only look like I'm strong''

I said ''I'm no monster slayer, I'm just telling the truth, I couldn't tell
you straighter''

They looked at me, in complete disbelieve, this man had roamed
and had returned alive & free

What happened next, you could not expect, they ignored my words
and gave unrequited respect

Oh boy, you must be a monster killer
No man has returned, from his adventure and we have learned

That you must be a monster killer,
There is no other way to validate your endevours
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Old 08-28-2010, 10:48 AM   #2
Caboose911
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this piece seems to end very very briefly, I get it's premise though. its a clever piece that is kinda catchy. overall I like it, I don't have time to do a full crit right now, but if I remember, I'll do it when I have time.
ill just give a rating for now 7/10
C4C?
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Old 08-28-2010, 10:51 AM   #3
OhtotheNoes
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Thanks man, I guess that's just my style. I seem to get writers block after the second chorus, I'm working on it though.
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Old 08-29-2010, 05:07 AM   #4
PurpleBear102
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These are pretty trippy lyrics... what style is the instruments? But, I liked it. I just think it could use an extra verse for an outro, just dosn't seem done to me. but it's good work!
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Old 08-29-2010, 08:16 AM   #5
OhtotheNoes
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At moment it's just me ''singing'' loudly with an acoustic guitar, I'd like to have the chance to experiment using different instruments and layering it, but I dont have access to a lot of stuff (mainly drums).

Edit: Which piece of yours would you like me to crit?

Doubleedit: Just realised I already critted yours haha

Last edited by OhtotheNoes : 08-29-2010 at 11:11 AM.
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