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Old 09-18-2010, 07:24 AM   #1
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Thumbs up In-Toxine (punkish, pop-punk) C4C

well i wish some crits C4C

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File Type: gp5 Eat Your Toxine.gp5 (25.6 KB, 111 views)

Last edited by Rossielle : 09-23-2011 at 04:54 PM.
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Old 09-26-2010, 10:11 AM   #2
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the bass intro thing, probably sounds 923840234 times better on a real bass. but in the GP file, it just sounds weird. you might even be better off having that done on a guitar, normally in this kind of stuff, the bass just follows what the rhythm guitar is doing.

i don't really have many issues with this piece. it's quite simplistic, which i think has it's ups and downs. it's great to see a piece on here that isn't some insane ''progressive melodic neo math doom metal''. although, as you know, every song in the world sounds better recorded than through standard MIDI sounds. especially simple songs such as this, so judging it through this, isn't really doing it justice.

bar 17, you definantly want the bass just doing root notes here. infact, that lead parts goes on for most of the song, and i wont lie, it gets a little boring. just to give t a chunkier sound. not overly keen on the drums, but i tend to forgive that as not everyone on this forum is a drummer.

you should label the verses and choruses and such in the file. it's hard to tell where a section begins and another ends really.

overall, i've heard a lot of stuff that's worse. but it needs work. 6/10
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Old 04-22-2011, 01:47 PM   #3
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You should really put your updated versions in the original post; I almost opened the wrong one.

I liked the intro, but in the part from 18-21, you really should try a different drum beat.

Also, you really over-use that main riff; it needs some variation.

39-54 was just boring, to be honest. Also, enough with the quarter notes on the snare; find a different beat.

I had high expectations when I heard the intro, and I really liked the main riff, but it's overused, and the song as a whole is honestly pretty bland and repetitive. Also, you need to work on your drum beats.

C4C? The link is in my sig.
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Old 04-22-2011, 02:56 PM   #4
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Intro - Well, I feel like the guitar part is a little weird, and slightly hard to play, itll sound better if you let those root notes ring out I think, and have the higher two notes as a hammer- on; this also makes it easier to play. Also, a bass fill to lead in to the next part would be nice (Ill add one in to show you.)

18-21 - These bars were nice, very energetic, gets me pumped up. Id stray away from the repeat signs though; they limit your options greatly. For example, you could have a sweet drum fill at the end of the second and fourth times, thatd be nice for some variety.

22-37 - Much more energetic, very "fun" sounding, would kick ass with vocals. Bar 36 - I didnt like that transition, how about a drum fill or something (Ill write one in).

39-54 - A repeat again, needs some vocals to keep it fresh in my opinion. In bar 55, Id have that A5 hang out for a whole note, when it cuts out, it sounds weird.

Bar 56-63 - This is also a repeat, sounds like a chorus, where as the previous section would make a nice verse. I think that the fact that you only have one riff in the song actually works out nicely, because this section is much heavier than the verse section. To really seal the deal, youd need some quieter vocals in the verse, with some perhaps yelling or screaming, or just heavy vocals in the chorus, maybe some overdubbed vocal lines.

Overall, it was pretty enjoyable. If it went on for any longer, Id have grown tired of it, but the length it has is nice right now. The driving drum rhythms really made the song for me. Nice job, something I would rock out to.

You wanna C4C my thread? Its pop-punk, so maybe youll like it, theres a bunch of songs to look at if you want to. Its here , so hopefully, youll look at a few songs.

EDIT: Forgot, my slight edits to your song
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File Type: gp5 In-Toxine-1 EDIT.gp5 (24.6 KB, 43 views)
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Last edited by Mean Mr Mustard : 04-22-2011 at 02:57 PM.
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Old 04-30-2011, 07:07 PM   #5
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thanx for crits. I will look your tabs and I'll give an opinion. Check my updated version of the song,please
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Old 07-30-2011, 01:38 PM   #6
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I did like the intro, but that riff was starting to get repetitive. It could really use some variation. The drumming wasn't the best either. I'm glad that you finally added some variation at bar 39 with a different riff, but that didn't really last long.

I really recommend adding in some different sections, because as it is now it is kind of boring and repetitive. Sorry if this critic sounded rude, by the way.
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Old 08-19-2011, 07:29 AM   #7
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thanks for your crit!
this song is nice, it has a good build up, but still it is very repetitive...i think that you shouldn't repeat the intro progression that much! insert a different progression here and there...
good luck!
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Old 08-19-2011, 07:45 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by tiammetadeth
thanks for your crit!
this song is nice, it has a good build up, but still it is very repetitive...i think that you shouldn't repeat the intro progression that much! insert a different progression here and there...
good luck!

thanx for the crit,man,i will review the song
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