24WildRovers

Well, heres another atempt a poetry. In my fifty-one style thing I'm doing, I just noticed that the next two are basically the same; ballad, and ballade. It just says in one of them that it should include a repeating line or something and the other one says to have some sort of 'moral' to the story at the end.

Oh I'm a prisoner, I'm a prisoner, I'm married to these chains
I'm a prisoner, now I'm here to be hanged

I was born in the luscious town of York
Later to flee to go fight
In the Eight Year War
And became deft with this sword,
But now those days are behind me
But now I'm a prisoner, I'm a prisoner, I'm married to my chains
I'm a prisoner, I'm a prisoner, Here's the end to my reign

Now Robert and my friend Wintourm
Travel with me back to London,
To help fight for the freedom to belive;
But we were just beat and yelled at,
"Recusants" they called us
So now I'm a prisoner, I'm a prisoner, I'm married to these chains
I'm a prisoner, I'm a prisoner, and now I am detained

One day when home for my morning meal,
Some guards came and took me away!
I was taken to Westminister
And tortured for treason
And attempted murder of the King!
And I'm a prisoner, I'm a prisoner, I'm married to these chains
I'm a prisoner, I'm a prisoner, now I'm here to be hanged

So when you hear theres thirty-six barrels
Of gunpowder beneath the houses,
Remember those painful days
Ending on January thirty-first
And think of the man that didn't go that far

Now I am an American and have little to no knowledge of English history so do not to take this the wrong way, I do believe Guy (Guidos) Fawkes did try to blow up Parliament. Though if I lived there to support him I would. I believe there should be complete freedom of beliefs, speech, and freedom to choose who tells you what to do. But in no way am I a supporter to the Catholics either, nor the Jews or Muslims. I support no one. I believe that taking sides in a never ending war just seems retro-active.

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skylerjames13

I agree on the religious stand dude. Same way here.

Anyways, I like the repeated phrase
And I'm a prisoner, I'm a prisoner, I'm married to these chains
I'm a prisoner, I'm a prisoner, __________________ <- Insert varied line.
I'm not American, so I don't really know anything about the history, but I can see that this poem is made with emotion and beliefs which is very good.

Sorry if this is a crappy crit. I don't know American History very well, so I don't have much to say. I thought I should try as you critted my Empty Heart.
Anyways, excellent dude, keep writing.

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24WildRovers

This isn't American history :p This is English history

A man named Guy (Guidos) Fawkes was caught with thirty-six barrels of gunpowder under the Houses of Parlaiment and were ready to take down the houses for religious freedom. Though on the early morning of November 5, 1604 he was caught and taken to toture until he confessed and hanged January 31, 1605. A newer movie called ''V for Vendetta" talks about how sometimes it takes a little bit of a snarl to get the freedom granted to all of us at birth by the law of free-agency.

And it was when Guidos was caught that King James IV or I coïncidently made November 5 a day of Fireworks to celebrate the day when the King was proven unstopable

Thanks for comment though, I'm glad to hear someone here liked it

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skylerjames13

Hahha, I should have read the bottom more carefully. My bad

Anyways, I don't know ENGLISH History too well either, so I like it overall. I feel like a fool

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24WildRovers

Don't worry, I'm sure a lot of people out there don't know much about history. Really this is the only thing in English history I know, besides the England used to be spelt Ingland

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skylerjames13

Lol I know a little bit, as I live in Canada... But it's more Canadian history then it is England.. I'm just going to stop making a fool about myself. xD

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BloodCold

"I'm a prisoner,I'm a prisoner,I'm married to these chains"
^^This ticks me off for some reason,I just dont like this, re word it to something better if possible...

Rest everything I really liked and I'll be reading 'bout english history when I get time:p

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fallor ergo sum

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fenderdude06

I loved this.

Half because of your way with words, the other half because I love Guy Fawkes, tales of violent and anti-government history, and V for Vendetta.

It's late, but I'll edit this soon and give a full crit.

24WildRovers

Well thank you very much Fenderdude06, this was one of the few I wrote that I enjoyed

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kindadumb

This would be very cool even as a song, like in a Decemberists style.

Arthur Curry

i don't like this, and i'll tell you why.

you take the liberty of speaking from another man's position, but merely present a cursory recounting of the same story we've been told already... if guy fawkes could speak from beyond the grave, do you think he would recite the same old story? would he sound as pathetic and lame as you've made him out to be?

moreover, the moral lesson you've provided reads something like this: next time you think you want to revolt against established forms of institutional power, just remember what happened to guy fawkes, and what a sorry sack that guy was.

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kindadumb

I disagree on both counts - the second more so than the other. The moral lesson I draw from this is that established forms of institutional power are ruthless and will punish those who are merely standing up for justice. As for his story...why wouldn't Guy Fawkes recite it? Let's not assume that everybody already knows the details about him - I actually didn't know a lot of the content included in this piece.

24WildRovers

Well thank you very much Arthur for you opinion. I like to see that you took the time to give me such a critique. And I would say that after reading this, that I agree with you on some parts. This is definitly not a piece I would continue with chords and start play it on the stage, but I think this piece was a good piece in trying to tell the story of a very peculiar person. And as it comes to the moral, I purposefull did not try to make it too obvious or definite in any way. I tried to make to where people can read this and find lessons of their own.

Thank you again for your comment

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