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Old 11-13-2010, 08:40 PM   #1
benonbass1
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Every time I see her I fall in love with you all over again

The full title is "Every time I see her I fall in love with you all over again (but if only you felt the same way)". It only really applies to the lyrics in my own mind, so I'm sorry about that :shrugs:

This song is about everything that's wrong with everyone who will ever listen to it. The music is Progressive metal. I've posted it before, but added a hell of a lot since. Will gladly match your crit in C4C.


Alzheimer. Outsider.
The floodgates have opened
But I haven't the Foggiest.

Sun cracking through the clouds,
Germinating seeds of doubt.
All old is same old, that's what they say.
Yesterdays skies are always grey.

Hey guys, check out this new...
Gosh!
MY EARS BLEED MY EARS BLEED

The sun shines brightest just before the storm.
Now the well is dry.
Murky drizzle soups become the norm,
A humourless reply.

"That is so last year"


This was so last year,
But so were last years cheers and fears.

Grinding down my patience...
Grinding down my patience...
Grinding down my patience...
Sparking, setting Fire.

Your shit has poisoned the well.
Drink your fill,
Taste so bitter.
Out with the old, in with the new.
Drink your fill,
Tastes like cold.

We don't claim to be
Riding on our pride.
Just as Hip hop laughed when disco died
We are worthlessness defined.

The well runs dry,
Thick and deep.
The well runs dry,
Thick and deep.
The well runs dry,
Thick and deep.
The well runs dry,
Thick and deep.

The Well Runs Dry.
These Blind eyes.

See how the flock runs from your dogs
Listen to the Pigs squeal.
Squeal all you like,
I still ****ing love bacon.

Yum,

Last edited by benonbass1 : 11-13-2010 at 08:47 PM.
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Old 11-13-2010, 10:48 PM   #2
dynamitejack
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Well I don't listen to prog soooo I may be out of my element here... but anyway.

If your goal was to put groups of sentences together that have no relation to each other, then you succeeded! I like most of what you wrote, but to me it just doesn't make any sense all together in a song.

Please and thanks: http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1380392
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Old 11-14-2010, 09:13 AM   #3
benonbass1
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Fair enough.
The theme is music elitism, and unfortunately, since the song is composed of lots of different parts it quite scatty. I tried to relate it all back to the theme, I just couldn't think of a consistent semantic theme (I think that's the word).
Any advice on that? Your song seems really good at it
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Old 11-14-2010, 04:27 PM   #4
dynamitejack
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Oh musical elitism. Ok, well it makes a lot more sense now.

When I am trying to convey a theme it happens in the first line or stanza, maybe you want to generalize your theme to just elitism. It is something nearly everyone can relate to. Elitism is an easy theme to convey because it can be symbolized in so many ways I.E. fat pigs, towering trees or floods (like what you started with)

Even if the theme is a little more general than you intended you already have musical elitism undertones that will come through.

I would probably be a bigger help if I was more knowledgeable in the genre you're writing.
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Old 11-14-2010, 07:09 PM   #5
shanchu
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The song's is definitley more on the impressionist side of things. I do think you are equally valid in writing down the words that you feel.

c4c
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...83#post25721083
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