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Old 11-27-2010, 09:36 AM   #1
Shaharz
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Blinded By The Dimmest Light (Progressive Metal) [GP5 & MIDI] C4C

"When your eyes adapt to darkness, even the dimmest light can blind you" - Me.

Well, this thought just popped in my head while reading Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere (Which was awesome), and that thought led me into writing this 9:30 minute long Prog piece.

It's the longest thing I ever wrote and I really think it came out pretty awesome, except for a few parts I'm not so sure about ("Bright Lights", the second part of "Searching For The Light" & "Cry For Help").

The key board in the "Blinded By The Dimmest Light" section are supposed to sound like an angellic choir thing. They don't cause GP kinda sux, so just imagine they do.


C4C as always, and since it's pretty long I will make my best to return the fullest crit I possibly can :]

Hope you'll enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed writing it
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Last edited by Shaharz : 10-16-2011 at 09:16 AM.
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Old 11-27-2010, 09:58 AM   #2
julzius
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ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT! Can't wait to hear it recorded properly! I need to find myself a keyboardist just so i could have intro's as cool as that. Good syncopated guitar work, nice melodies and good scale choices.

Keep me posted!

Toodles!
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Old 11-27-2010, 10:47 AM   #3
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Man, I loved this! I find it better than lots of metal from famous artists out there.
You, sir, are a musical genius!
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Old 11-27-2010, 10:59 AM   #4
Knucklehead Dyl
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i'm not gonna lie, I absolutely HATE the way almost everything on gp5 sounds, it really puts me off,
but this song, even with the electronic sounding notes, is awesome.
good work
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Old 11-27-2010, 11:17 AM   #5
Shaharz
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Wow, guys. I expected pretty good comments but nothing like THAT.
Thanx a lot, you rule
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Old 11-27-2010, 02:05 PM   #6
Mean Mr Mustard
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Nice quote. Pretty hyped for this song.

The piano intro was really nice, but I found the run in bar 10 to be a little off, maybe it was too fast, or had one too many notes. The next short piano part was good too. The next part with the guitar riff and the harmony is great too.

One Last Flicker wasn't my thing until the lead came in, but there on it was good. The solo part at 79 wasnt really my thing though, im not a fan of the chromatic stuff.

The breakdown following it and the riff after it (Imagination...) both sound like the sorta metal that Dream Theater plays that Im not a huge fan of really. And the bends sounded a little weird there. The next part of this section sounded a lot better though.

Walking Blind was pretty good, not for the keyboard but because of the guitar solo, very well executed. Cry for Help was pretty generic...I mean that E5 powerchord with the G note after has been used quite too much. The 9/8 section/ prog section was sweet though.

Fear Sinks In wasnt really my thing either. Oh well, Im sure many people love the keyboard stuff though. Someone Is Approaching was much better in my opinion. And the next part was reallllly nice too. The harmony worked really well. The Door Opens was nice except for the lead that comes in from before, but it was nice at least that you worked it in.

The next section was great, the best part yet. It really sounds like im being blinded haha. Good job on that section. Sounds like a climax I guess. Next two parts were okay.

Oooo Walk Away was really nice, I liked it. The cross-fade was nice too. I think the ending chord would sound better without the strum but thats just me.

Overall, your song was very well-written and well-constructed. Obviously, my tastes are a little different, so I didnt enjoy some parts too much, but I still can say that you did a realyl good job with them. Also, I feel like although it seemed like it was a story, the parts kinda mushed together, especially all the proggy keyboard parts. But still, just my opinion. Good song anyways!
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Old 11-27-2010, 02:57 PM   #7
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Critting as I listen

Bright Lights : Generic piano intro, but well written nonetheless

Fading Into Blackness Part 1 : Same thing, but just more upbeat.

Fading into Blackness Part 2 : Good riff, but I didn't like the harmony

One Last Flicker : Awesome rhythm part, didn't really like the lead, felt a bit simplistic.

And the only thing left : Really good variation, loved the harmonies.

...Is Darkness : Pretty cool hectic-ness going, felt really chaotic

Imagination Populates the Black : Loved the techy-ness of the riff, just didn't like the keyboard and the guitar playing the same thing.

Searching for the Light : Rhythm was too boring, didn't complement the lead well. The second riff was strange, be I guess it fits.

Walking Blind/Eyes Adapt to Darkness : Nice solo, not too much to say.

Cry for Help : Really sweet, got my head bangin

Fear Sinks In : Much prefer the way you used the lead in this section

Someone is Approching : The slides sounded pretty bad in guitar pro, but I'm sure the would sound better on real guitar. Pretty cool other than that.

Friend or Foe? : Good harmonies. Could possibly be a good place for a keyboard solo.


The Door Opens : Good use of chromatics, felt very hectic/choatic again.

Blinded by the Dimmest Light : Probably my least favorite part of the song thus far. It felt like everything had been building up to this moment, and it was a big letdown.

A Moment of Confusion/Light Returns : Not too much to say, didn't love the lead.

Piano outro was very fitting, ggod end to the song.

Overall : Really great song, awesome riffs all over the place. Good layering of the instruments in some sections. Would definetily but it if it was properly recorded. 9/10.

C4C? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1384599
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Old 11-27-2010, 03:53 PM   #8
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I really, really enjoyed this. Awesome riffage throughout. Few quibbles though:

...Is Darkness: I hate, hate, hated the chugging going on underneath the keyboards. Very boring, clashed with the melody, and felt monotonous.

Walking Blind/Eyes Adapt to Darkness: I feel like your sense for melody is very strong and very catchy, but you aren't exploring and filling in the gaps of the music. Kinda like your titular blind man, you're stumbling through it safely, not pushing through and finding details and crevices to fill. Every melodic idea and phrase starts on beat 1 of the new bar except for one, there isn't much use of off-beats, there's lots of quarter note to 16th note runs, back to quarter notes to 8th notes, etc. Explore the rhythms, my man! Your rhythmic ideas with riffs are awesome, you just need to extend it to the rest of your writing.
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Old 11-28-2010, 05:52 AM   #9
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I really enjoyed this song. I like pretty much everything I'm hearing. Really nothing to critique here. The only thing I would change is maybe lay off the keyboard a little. It seems like the keys are everywhere in this song.

C4C? Links in sig.
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Old 11-28-2010, 12:40 PM   #10
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Good stuff here, a lot of good ideas. My only problem is that some of the sections just didn't fit in with the rest of the song, namely Walking Blind. I really like that one theme you had going, the one that you restated at The Door Opens, sounds kind of chaotic and fearful, I always love that emotion. I always try to convey it in my songs.

Drums are interesting at all times, bass could use a bit of work in some parts, but that's cool, just make it stray away from the guitar at some points at least.

The song is definitely cohesive, and i was REALLY happy when you brought that piano back at the end, nice crossfade there. That was what I was hoping you would do.

שיר טוב, אחי

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C4C? Mine's progressive as well, but in a different way than yours.

Last edited by Tarbosh : 11-28-2010 at 12:44 PM.
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Old 11-30-2010, 03:16 PM   #11
Shaharz
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Thanx for all the crits guys. You had some pretty good points there (and some that I didn't agree with that much) which I've taken into cosideration.

Also, I believe I returned every crit I owed, if I forgot someone please let me know.



Here's an updated version.

Things I did here:

Changed guitars 1 and 2 a bit on "Is Darkness".

Seperated the guitars and the keyboards halfway through "Imagination Populates The Black" + got rid of the bends that where kinda annoying.

Added a new idea I got to "Searching For The Light" (Bars 131-134).

Added guitars 2 and 3 as solo backing + harmonies to "Walking Blind" and "Eyes Adapt To Darkness"

Changed guitar 2 on "Blinded By The Dimmest Light" to make it sound more... Climaxy :P



Tell me what you think. And I don't mind critting another one of your songs for a re-crit here, just give me a link.

edit: most updated version is the one in the opening post, not this one

Last edited by Shaharz : 11-05-2011 at 07:10 AM.
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Old 12-01-2010, 11:08 AM   #12
SOADisdabest
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Critting as I go, sorry for the late reply.

Bright Lights - Wow. Really good work on the piano almost has a medievilish vibe to it.

Fading Into Blackness - Transition works well. The change in piano and the added bass builds up nicely. The heavy riff was good too. Although I thought the pads could have been a bit more interesting but I see how it works for the genre.

One Last Flicker - That riff builds up really nicely and the riff is pretty catchy. The groove that comes in at 'And The Only Thing Left' works really well. I thought the transition into '...Is Darkness' was a bit strange but I can see how it works with the theme since it grabs your attention. The riff itself wasn't too bad, but I'm not really too keen on the open string chugging. The melody was good though, and the riff at bar led up to pretty awesome transition.

Imagination Populates The Black - Awesome synth/guitar combo. And the riff that came in afterwards worked really well too. Not too sure about the riff in 'Searching For The Light' though. Wasn't too bad but it was sort of drawn out and I don't really feel like it added much to the song.

Walking Blind - Good synth melody and the leads in the next part which come in were really well done. The transition to 'Cry For Help' seemed strange and although the the following riff itself was pretty good it sort of felt strange at that point in the song.

Fear Sinks In - The riffs and melodies are cool but the transition to it seemed strange, the sliding in 'Someone Is Approaching' seemed strange in GP but I imagine it could sound pretty good if it were in a recording.

The Door Opens - Good build up sort of went on too long but the transition worked pretty well, it's a very refreshing change in mood. Sounds almost angelic.

Light Returns - I think reusing the riff here works quite well since it's so close to the end of the song and the previous section pretty much makes you forget it was in the same song. Or maybe I'm just forgetful. 'Walk Away' and the fade out to piano finishes the song quite nicely.

Overall really good stuff, all the ideas fit the theme quite nicely.
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Old 10-16-2011, 01:08 PM   #13
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Really enjoyed listening to that man! Good stuff Would love to hear a recorded version!!
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Old 10-16-2011, 08:21 PM   #14
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I loved how long it was and that I didnt get bored of it for one second because the riffs and piano just kept getting better. Great job man. A lot of times a when a song is too long it gets boring but that not the case with this song. 9/10
The only reason I dont give u a 10 because nothing is perfect even something this good has room for improvement.
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