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Old 12-08-2010, 08:35 AM   #1
Tarbosh
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The Merger (Progressive metal) [C4C, GP5]

Hey guys, here's an older song I wrote last year. At that point I was very into Opeth and just about everything I did sounded like them, I've been moving away from that for sure, but Opeth is still my favorite band. I definitely owe a lot of my songwriting skills to them for inspiration. Anyway, as for the song, it's pretty long, not SUPER long, but definitely longer than average. It focuses on texture and atmosphere more than riffs. There are definitely some cool ones in there, though, don't get me wrong. I plan to record this song when I get home from college in July, and it has been sitting around a LONG time.

Anyway, just want to know what your guys' two cents are on the song. All comments greatly appreciated, and of course, C4C.

Also, ignore the muted track. Unfinished vox.
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Last edited by Tarbosh : 12-08-2010 at 08:37 AM.
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Old 12-08-2010, 06:00 PM   #2
Mean Mr Mustard
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Well I like texture and atmosphere more than riffs.

Nice intro. The riff at bar 6 sounds just like Opeth! Really nice Interesting take on vocals with the gunshots haha...The next few riffs continued the Opeth feel...and I think that the acoustic break was perfect. I think that bar 40 could use a better solo even if it is just a short one. A nice high jazzy solo would sound nice there. The riff after is very Opethy as well, in fact Id like something different going on, since in my opinion it sounds similar to how the first two were.

The guitar solo at 69 was good but it reminded of a solo form an Opeth, almost like exactly...maybe its Leper Affinity, or something...Anyways, I liked the solo starting at 68 with that riff in the background. The acoustic break was good, sounded really Opethy. I think itd be pretty sweet to have some simple drums during the clean guitar parts at 98. 119 sounded Opethy as well :/ however it sounded really good. In my opinion, you should look over it and try to stop being an Opeth cover band. Theres some great sections, such as the one at 119 with that guitar solo. Most of its really good, but Im sure you could trim it down a bit and add different stuff to give it more of your own style.

But back to the song. 114 was a nice riff, sitll continuing the Opeth vibe. 175 sounds a lot like an Opeth song too. but then again, its sorta generic. 187 was nice though. Guitar solo 2 was pretty nice, kinda melodic, it was enjoyable. Acoustic break at 219 was nice. I think that after bar 226, it would be sweet if you had led it into a melodic guitar solo with heavy chords behind it. But instead you ended it. Oh well, the outro here was okay.

Overall, like I said, try to write like yourself more instead of like Opeth. Now I admire Opeth quite a lot, and at times im fascinated at their work, but when I listen to some parts of this, they sound like they just want to be copies. Other parts were really good though. I guess just work on it because it can be a great song.

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Old 12-08-2010, 06:13 PM   #3
Tarbosh
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Yeah, as I said, this is kind of an old song, and I have definitely moved away from blatantly copying Opeth, this was only the third song I ever wrote, you know. I recognize the similarities.

Anyway, thanks for the crit and I will crit yours.
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Old 12-09-2010, 01:58 AM   #4
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I was a bit taken aback by it's simplistic nature, but that happens to be part of it's charm. I can certainly see the Opeth comparison*. Yet, I feel that the reliance on textures and repetition gave it more of a post-metal vibe.

I do like all the little intricacies here and there, without it ever divulging into wankery.
The silence at 107 was brilliant. You certainly have an ear for song structure, as opposed to my style of making cool little sections. I certainly will use this as reference material.

Also, the length is only really relative to how much you enjoy the song. If you were entertained the whole way through (as I was, with few missteps here and there), you won't find a song to be all that "lengthy". But if you bore the audience, well, that certainly doesn't work.

I did say there were a few missteps, which I can't really place on specific bars. I can, but I'm feeling lazy. The intro is a bit too jarring. There are too many directions that it could have gone. I do like disorientation, but I felt it to be overwhelming.
And the vocals in the 1st section were a bit over the top. I suggest toning it down a bit either volume-wise, or making it less intrusive harmonically.
Which is what you do well in once the vocals resurface.

Outside of that, I don't really have any real issues with the song. The transitions are nice, musicianship is outstanding, and the pacing/structure is very strong. These are the types of songs that I wanna write. Not specifically in this style, more that I want create songs that are this consistent in their quality.

Awesome ending man. It really made the piece for me (although I already liked it beforehand anyways).

I wouldn't mind seeing more of your work, especially if it's this good.




*I see that Mr. Mustard states that it's a bit too close to their style. I personally can't say anything myself, as I've only heard the odd song here and there.


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Last edited by huevos : 12-09-2010 at 06:57 PM.
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Old 12-09-2010, 11:09 PM   #5
amonamarthmetal
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hey man i loved what you did with my little arpeggio thing, here is a retun crit.

first 4 bars were good but the tremolo part where it transistes doesnt sound to good, it probably just cause of midi though. the chord progression at bar 6 sounds good. you have a good sense of layering and harmony, to me anyways. bar 36 is good but midi clean sounds like poo, use a jazz guitar instead. i reallyed liked the part after that at bar 44. the solo was good and tastful.
bar 86 was cool.
the prog bit at 187 wasnt to my liking much.
the second solo was good.
bar 200 was good but i think it could have been better somehow
the ending was amazing. but the clean guitar midi sound makes to sounds like poop
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Old 12-10-2010, 08:32 AM   #6
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Hey man thx for your crit on my song , cinda see why you dont like it , same reason i dont like your music i quess , its just not my thing , and i f*ing hate MIDI , its even more far away from a real sound than RSE , allthough you know your music and everything sounds pretty solid , its just not my thing.
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Old 12-11-2010, 11:55 AM   #7
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Reminds me of Black Rose Immortal...

Still, I don't care if some riffs sound very similar or not the important thing is how the song sounds.

Some things to point out:

The first thing I noticed is the terrific bass line that even though it stands out from the rest of the instruments, it still blends perfectly as a cool riff.

The blast beat at the intro seems a little strong to start after a clean intro. I got thrown away from the mood. but after a few measures it began to kick in

Bars 36-43 is cool. It balanced things out after the previous section

My favorite part of the song was bar 83-143 especially 119 onwards though I thought that 98-101 was a little repetitive.

Some instruments are a little inaudible in some parts because of the unbalanced volume mixing that bury important lines like the some lead guitar parts (or is it intentional? i dunno)

Other than those minor flaws I liked the song very much. Solos were great especially the second one. The way you manipulated the acoustic steel guitar MIDI was incredible and of course the highlight of the song for me is the bass guitar.

Don't stop writing these kind of songs even though some say you copied them from some band (Opeth to be specific) or sounds very similar. Just explore more types of music and eventually you'll find a way to incorporate other styles from other bands and make a sound of your own.

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Old 12-11-2010, 05:30 PM   #8
RedDeath9
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The clean intro reminds me a bit of Alarum, I like it. And when the distortion kicks in... Amazing. But I'm not sure how necessary Guitar 2 is at this point... I mean, the only times you can hear it are at bars 9, 13, etc., but that riff could easily be played by the third guitar. Meh, I guess it's not a big deal though - I can understand if it adds a bit of atmosphere.

The transition into the clean at 36 was really good, and the section itself... Brilliant.

Riff starting at 46 was alright, but I see there will be vocals over it, so that's good. Solo was good for what it was, I especially liked bar 63. Post-solo riff was pretty good as well.

... Another clean section. I can definitely see the early-Opeth influence in the structure of the song However, I can't say the riffs themselves sound TOO much like them - besides maybe the use of 6/8. I'm loving the lead at bar 98.

Nice change at 118, both concerning the key and the timing. I know it's still 6/8, but the snare pulse is occurring in a different place now... So you know... Nice change... Haha, another solo. Definitely an Opeth influence in the structure, which is to say - There is hardly a coherent structure at all, but that's fine because it's fun to listen to. Section at 136 is awkward as hell, I love it.

I swear, 149-150 is an actual Opeth riff...

Holy shit... 167... Gets heavy as **** here (at least compared to the previous section). Sounds really epic too. At 179, I thought a solo was going to start, and was a little disappointed when one didn't. But it's alright I guess. 187-218 gets a bit repetitive... And the riffs themselves aren't too interesting to me... I love the clean outro though.

Overall, really good, I just think 187-218 needs to be vamped up a bit, if not entirely taken out. Then again, maybe vocals will help with the repetitiveness of it.
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Old 12-12-2010, 07:15 AM   #9
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very opeth, really nice use of chords too
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Old 12-13-2010, 12:28 PM   #10
RedDeath9
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Actually, I take back what I said about bars 187-218. It's just 200-206 I don't really like.
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Old 12-13-2010, 12:59 PM   #11
Tarbosh
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Haha, yeah, that makes a bit more sense, I was like "THANKS FOR HATING THE WHOLE BUILDUP AND RELEASE OF THE SONG BRO"

Interesting though, I actually really like that part, those arpeggios. What's the problem for you?
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Old 12-14-2010, 01:14 AM   #12
RedDeath9
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I'm not sure... I guess it's just... I don't really find the chord progression that interesting. Of course, that's fine by itself, but I absolutely HATE it when people put sweeps over uninteresting chord progressions.

Yeah, that's just my opinion though. I'm sure that that part has a lot of fans. And I think it's one of those things that'll grow on me, or that I'll just get used to eventually.
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Old 12-14-2010, 02:46 PM   #13
Tarbosh
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Well, at least in that case, I don't sweep them, I just pick every note, but I see what you mean anyway. I agree about sweeps over boring chord progressions, though, but in this case it's not THAT boring in my opinion, i.e. just following the progression note for note and being something like i, VI VII, i. Bottom line is it's not a standard chord progression and I disagree. The purpose of the section is to contrast with the faster section, but honestly, it's not that great of a solo compared to what I can write now since I'm more mature both as a composer and as a guitarist.
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Old 12-14-2010, 03:30 PM   #14
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*listens to it again*

It's not really even that bad. Like, it'd definitely grow on me... And I like how it transitions into the next tremolo picked section.
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Old 12-14-2010, 11:07 PM   #15
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Intro is kinda of boring but I like the fade in. It fits well wit the next part.
Picks up at bar 6
Bar 9 has a cool harmony
I like this section (Bars 6- 21) but the drums gets repetitive. You used the same fill every time.
The nest section (bars 21-34) reminds me of Amon Amarth...very vikingish feel to it. Awesome.
Loving the clean break XD Great chord progression
Solo is great too except bar 66, it seems dull.
The leads at bar 69. Superb. Again I think Amon Amarth.
The second clean section is very nice too. I would have had the drums going still though. Maybe some cymbol work or chims, its sounds empty at parts.
i love bars 136 - 143. Eerie, love it.
Bar 155 - the bass is awesome here, good stuff.
Solo 2 is good especially the tremolo picking at bar 208
didnt much like the crazy string bend at 207 though lol, its too hell crazy.
Rest of the song is good.

Over all I'd say its 8.5/10
I liked most of the song, however, I didn't really go "Woah Awesome". There's was nothing extraordinary about it. On the other hand there wasn't anything that made me want to rip my ears off and burn them.
Cool song though man, XD

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http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1389647
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