rd93

We left our future behind tonight
but took everything else - bright
stars are pictures worth
several thousand words
and each cloud
has its own poem -
backs to the Earth,
eyes to Heaven:
echos of the constellations but
the universe, she
is a mystery, so
I prefer to simply
gaze
shift my gravity, move
your mentality as you
speak my thoughts
whisper universal truths and
unstoppable forces while
trees fall; we don't
hear them, but
we know it to be true
as our roots embrace.
for once, the sun waits
for us.

AngryGoldfish

This was a fantastic read. I love when a piece seems to step through the next line, as if it were a spiral staircase with perfectly engineered spacings and texture.

I really liked how you compared the stars to words, as if our own language and abilities to communicate with each other was as important, if not more than the stars that only serve us as eye-candy in the sky.

Then the imagery of lying down on briskly cold grass staring at the sky demonstrated your clear ability to design something pretty. I can imagine myself - or anyone, really - just lying there with a pen and paper, hoping to find some form of inspiration. Then, of course, you make the personal point that the universe is just too magnificent to quantify into words, even beautiful poetry - which this piece is, exemplified with the internal rhyming and excellent demonstrations of words being utilized for two separate meanings.

The idea of accepting things as they are, as being beyond our means of understanding is a very untouched area and something I believe firmly in. I believe that there are things we are not meant to understand; and that is why they are so untamably beautiful.

It becomes quite intricate at the end, almost tripping over itself, but I really feel like you've captured something extremely special and surprisingly detailed (relating back to the detail of the sky, maybe?).

I'm not quite sure what you're referring to, though, when you say "speak my thoughts". Are you talking about God or some otherworldly force being in control of you whilst in this state of awe and inspiration? That would make sense, as you then start to talk about the truth and how, somehow, deep down, we may know it as the truth, that there is something else out there, something different to us in some way.

But then, with the last line "the sun waits for us", I get the impression you feel, even if you believe in something else, that we're more important and more powerful than it, because we understand each other, we know we are capable of great (and terrible) things. Knowledge of the truth, no matter how weak it is, can be more powerful than the potential of believing something as more powerful.

__________________

Brigadier of the 7-String Legion ▪ 2nd Best Mod ▪ Wtlt ▪ Best Large Board 2012
Gas ▪ Rig ▪ Words

rd93

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it. The words are most important (of course) but I spend almost as much time arranging it as I do writing it. My favorite poems are the ones that appear to be free form but are arranged perfectly.

I meant "echos" as referring to eyes, not the sky, so that might change your perception of it but that's the beauty of poetry; you found a lot of things that I didn't intentionally imply but they make sense anyway.

"Speak my thoughts" is kind of referring to how the person I'm with is on the same page as me, but it probably would have made more sense had I left the poem as I wrote it, because instead of "move your mentality" I had "lips to your forehead". But I didn't like "lips"

By "the sun waits for us" I actually only meant that the whole mood of the situation was as if we had all the time in the world. But once again that's why poetry is great.

Also, I'm glad you like those first few lines because everything from "but took everything else" to "has its own poem" was included last, hahaha. Thanks for reading it

Commandodan

I really like this, goldfish pretty much said everything needed to be said. I like many other people gather inspiration to write from natures beauty. It is simply amazing to lay down and look toward the sky. Great read!

__________________

"Remember, remember the 5th of November. The gunpowder, treason and plot. I know of no good reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot"

AngryGoldfish

Well, then, I now like it even more.

__________________

Brigadier of the 7-String Legion ▪ 2nd Best Mod ▪ Wtlt ▪ Best Large Board 2012
Gas ▪ Rig ▪ Words

alaskan_ninja

This is well-deserved. The line breaks are absolutely perfect and make it so much better.

rd93

WotW is greatly appreciated. Thanks guys