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Old 02-02-2011, 10:34 PM   #1
guitar_jew
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Fusion/tech-death/prog WIP (GP5/4)

EDIT: Piece is updated to near-finished status, check post #6.

Please keep in mind while listening that this is still in its embryonic form. I know that certain transitions don't exist where one is badly needed. I know the drums are ******ed repetitive for each section.

I'm asking for crits on the ideas themselves, and suggestions on improving them or making the piece better overall.

It's also not finished; I want to return to Theme I (Gmadd9-Emadd9) without repeating the riff itself until the ending. Transitioning out of the 'no ride bell' breakdown into that, though- I'm coming up blank.

C4C as always, just ask and link.

Thanks for your time.
Attached Files
File Type: gp4 ambient fusion death metal embryo.gp4 (29.7 KB, 55 views)
File Type: gp5 ambient fusion death metal embryo.gp5 (50.3 KB, 173 views)

Last edited by guitar_jew : 02-12-2011 at 06:37 PM.
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Old 02-02-2011, 11:04 PM   #2
Diebymyhand
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pretty cool, not a big fan of the tech death interlude riff though... could be improved. solo has some interesting ideas but i think it could be better too
that "groove" part is awesome, same with the second chord theme.
also, bars 47-52 seem kinda ackward with the guitar
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Old 02-02-2011, 11:32 PM   #3
slayerfrk
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i liked the intro quite a bit. i think at groove the strums dont work well, but it is midi so it might sound better with real guitars. anyways the voicing of the chords throughout this song are quite nice and ambient. i love when that electric piano comes in, it sounds beautiful. the 10/8 time signature was quite unique. it sounded very natural though. the same with the 7/8 . i thought the solo was a bit lame though. the transition at 76-77 wasnt to great. but again the electric piano really added a nice touch in this section. 85 wasnt really my cup of tea. im sure other people might like it though. its a good work in progress so keep at it, i look forward to seeing what it sounds like when its finished.
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Old 02-09-2011, 09:28 PM   #4
DiminishedFifth
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Hey man, thanks for the crit! I finished my song if you'd like to take another gander

Onto yours:

Intro/Main Chord Motif: I'm not a big fan of the main chord progression. Though, that could be cause of the drums. They just kind of... stop in the middle of the thing. It just seems so... not what needs to happen. I would at least keep the blast beat consistent throughout so as to keep it smooth.

Short Tech Death: It's not really Tech Death... just metalcorey. But, for what it is, it's pretty good. I REALLY liked the transition back into the chord theme. It sounded really Faceless-y and good.

Groove: I don't sense much groove, but for the time signatures it's hard. I have to say though... the riff by itself is great, and the bass is AWESOME.

Chord theme II: I love it. It needs to come back. it's much better than the first.

Theme II Interlude: Haunting. Favorite part. The progression on the piano is veyr Faceless like. Akeldama era. The solo fits though. Michael Keene it sounds like haha. Some weird phrasing at Bar 69 though. Everything after is fine.

Distraction: Alright... I like it. But it ends too quick. At this point your just kind of jumping from idea to idea. Bringing it back to something else would be prefect instead of the lackluster "No ride bell" section (maybe with drums and a proper backing it would be better).

As a start, it's got lots of Tech Death potential. I could see this as something Michael Keene was writing before he made the Faceless and got super beast at guitar (with no pinky!). All you need to do is bring something back, expand on it, and increase the heavy/diminished/Theme II ( ).

As it's not finished, I won't rate it yet.
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Old 02-12-2011, 02:05 PM   #5
Life Is Brutal
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Intro has a cool feel, and the Tech Death interlude was cool. The groove section is pretty sick, although I don't know about the half-steps that are there.

Chord Theme II gave me a kind of Exivious feel, which is a good thing. Them II Interlude was awesome with the Keyboard and guitar. Solo was interesting, although I think it should try to carry a slightly different feel.

Distraction was awesome with the keboard and chords, although the transition and breakdown outro are too abrupt, although I understand thats what you were going for.

Overall, a really cool piece.
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Old 02-12-2011, 06:36 PM   #6
guitar_jew
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Thanks for all the crits. I'm posting an updated version, almost finished, just need to work out a couple transitions.

Slayerfrk:If I'm not mistaken, the transition you mentioned not being great got pushed back past a Theme I repeat, so hopefully, that's better. I've kept 85, because I feel like the extreme dissonance nicely sets up the breakdown.

DiminishedFifth: I don't know. I think the abrupt pause in the drums adds energy to the intro. Writing that section, I was thinking about live performance mostly. Although in the return of the first chord theme after the second, I kept the blast consistent. Also, I personally derive a lot of groove from odd time signatures, especially changes where only one half of a beat is lost (such as the alternating 5/4, 9/8 I used here). I'm glad you point out The Faceless a couple times in your crit; Michael Keene is second only to Guthrie Govan in terms of influencing my (recent) lead playing and writing. In consideration of your comments on 'Distraction' and 'No ride bell,' I pushed both of those back behind the return of the first theme.

Anyway, here's the updated piece. Still not completely finished; as I said above, I still want to fix up some transitions.
Attached Files
File Type: gp5 ambient fusion death metal embryo.gp5 (79.5 KB, 41 views)
File Type: gp4 ambient fusion death metal embryo.gp4 (47.5 KB, 15 views)
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Old 03-27-2011, 02:31 PM   #7
MorbidAngel1989
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First of all thank you for critting my piece. Overall this is pretty good for a prog piece. A lot of this does remind me a lot of The Faceless, just less intense/crazy. And I also agree when DiminishedFifth said that the tech death interlude sounds more like metalcore. If you want to make it more tech death have more intensity to it. Though I don't think that would fit as this is really suppose to be an intense, crazy aggressive piece. I also really liked how you changed time signatures throughout the piece. They never felt unnatural or awkward. I liked the distraction part. You can try making it longer by having more different types of chords in there. The no ride bell is kinda lacking. Maybe try making it the most craziest/aggressive/intense part of the piece and than move it into the second part of the groove part like you already have it. IMO that way the whole distraction/no ride bell section has a big impact on the listener in general. The ending was pretty cool. Has a nice creepy vibe to it. Also I don't know whether you intend on doing this or not but I am curious as to how you are going to implement vocals onto that song. But yeah overall I see this as a more prog/ambient than tech death. Tech death requires a lot more intensity(yeah I know I said this word 10000 times during this crit.)
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Old 03-27-2011, 03:49 PM   #8
JazzDeath
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Interesting ideas in this piece, seems like it has some promising basis to it.

I really like the intro riff, I think your drums could use a little variety (coming from a drummer) but I really enjoy the riffing style of it and on second listening, when I know what's coming, I feel that the entire beginning section sounds very cohesive and interesting from bar 1 to 42 it all sounds like a solid, tight entity, it all weaves in and out of different themes and forms and it feels very progressive to me, I enjoy it very much. I think your solo is very tasteful also, it has a nice groove to it and the rhythmic behind it is very well constructed. I like the fact the solo is simple, it sounds really good in contrast to the rest of the sections beforehand.

I find your last riff is rather weak *your last idea without drums or bass), not sure where you'll go with the instrumentation with that but I think it's a bit bland, like there are dissonances in it that feel bland and it seems to have no drive to it.

The first beat on drums, I think your cymbal accentuations could be better and I think you could add some cymbals in there to add color between your lower register "punches" on the guitar.

There could be little transitional touches and flourishes throughout that would make the transitions better, but as you said that's still in progress so I expect it to be different when it's finished.

I particularly like the section at bar 35, the drums are awesome and it seems like a good vocal spot, the chords are really cool.

Your distraction, as you must know already, is currently entirely uncalled for both harmonically and structure wise, so I imagine you need a proper entire bridge section to fix the gap between the previous riff and that one.

Cool ideas man, I dig the style! Keep working on it!

Oh and if you would be so kind, tell me what you think of this song -
Descant of Derision

I might also steal your description for a song title (Embryonic form! that's a cool name!) Unless you want to keep it for yourself

Edit- **** I didn't check the latest file! Let me check that and give you my thoughts on the update!

Last edited by JazzDeath : 03-27-2011 at 03:54 PM.
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Old 03-27-2011, 03:59 PM   #9
JazzDeath
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Dude your rhodes lead is ****ing bombtastic, I love it! I just think there should be a note fading on the first measure of the riff that comes after it, to make it linger a bit and to release the tension properly.

Your distraction is still a bit off putting, by itself it sounds cool but that second chord and the progression is really a stretch from where you were coming from, I don't know if you could find a way to transition and anticipate that feel change better.

The Fadeout is ****ing amazing, I love that, really cool shit, I love drawn out atmospheres like that, it turns me on .

I get the feeling you wanted for your No Ride Bell riff now, but perhaps some sort of Rhodes or atmosphere in back to accentuate that downtempo, crushing mood would be cool, and at the same time anticipate the ending a bit. Might be interesting.

And yeah, your polytonal chords at the end (stacked chords) sound amazing, really well done and tasteful.

I like the piece though, cool stuff!

Last edited by JazzDeath : 03-27-2011 at 04:01 PM.
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