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Old 05-24-2011, 07:22 PM   #1
guitar_jew
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Other PHxC piece (GP5/MIDI)

Inspired by the main riff to 'In Regards By Myself,' and then pieced together with bits I couldn't work in anywhere else. This one's actually finished.

My main concerns are flow- a lot of it doesn't, and I can't conceive of a way to fix it so that it does- and repetition- I feel the 'A' riff and the 'C' riff both come back too many times. I don't want to take them out of where they're repeated because without SOME repetition, the piece would have no direction. 5 totally different ideas in 4 minutes isn't easy to do effectively! So suggestions in those departments would be much appreciated.

C4C as always, just link your piece, and I'll give it a listen.

And again, 50 cool points for anyone who gets the (working) title.

EDIT: Updated. The file in this post is the most recent version.

Last edited by guitar_jew : 06-09-2011 at 01:43 AM.
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Old 05-24-2011, 08:25 PM   #2
JCAshworth247
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family guy?
I could be wrong but I have a faint memory of Peter saying that lol

Anyway I enjoyed the song a lot. The structure was well though-out and it kept the same tone throughout. I think you could have added on to the Br00T parts or progressed like the last 2 repeats with different drum patterns or something because that was my favorite.
I also think you used odd time signitures effectively for the most part and the drums helped it flow so good job.
Part D is my least favorite though, it sounds a little cheesy.

Last edited by JCAshworth247 : 05-24-2011 at 08:33 PM.
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Old 05-24-2011, 10:29 PM   #3
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Not Family Guy. The show this is from is still in its first season. That's the only hint you all get!

I like to keep the BR00TZ to a minimum so that it doesn't become overbearingly core. I don't have a problem with core, but it's been done before, and it doesn't feel to me like there's much left to pull out of the genre. But thanks for the crit!
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Old 05-24-2011, 10:52 PM   #4
JCAshworth247
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Arrow

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Originally Posted by guitar_jew
Not Family Guy. The show this is from is still in its first season. That's the only hint you all get!

I like to keep the BR00TZ to a minimum so that it doesn't become overbearingly core. I don't have a problem with core, but it's been done before, and it doesn't feel to me like there's much left to pull out of the genre. But thanks for the crit!


Workaholics?
the short guy said it right?
oh yeah now I remember haha, unless I'm wrong again but I think I'm right

Last edited by JCAshworth247 : 05-24-2011 at 10:53 PM.
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Old 05-24-2011, 10:53 PM   #5
Tarbosh
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It's sweet already. That intro riff is really cool, it has a driving feel with all that stuff going on, and it really pulls you in. I'm curious where you'll go with this.

That bass in B is awesome sounding. I have a bit of an issue with C, though, the chordal movement is a bid misleading, kind of sounds meandering, but it's not that much of a problem. The business of the song really makes it unnoticable.

****in' sweet chord changes at D. Especially 49-55.

Alright, this is my personal prefence here, but I hated E. I can't stand breakdowns, and this in my mind has to go. It completely kills the flow of the song, if you ask me, it just stops it dead in its tracks.

Sorry, but Brootz II sounds annoying. It's wayyyy too grating, and it's not just because it's a breakdown. It doesn't transition too well back into fast, either, so you might want to at least bridge that.

So, in conclusion, I really like the beginning up until the breakdowns. But it's your choice to include them of course.
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Old 05-25-2011, 12:47 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tarbosh
Sorry, but Brootz II sounds annoying. It's wayyyy too grating, and it's not just because it's a breakdown. It doesn't transition too well back into fast, either, so you might want to at least bridge that.


I can understand the complaint here, but it really does sound better through my amp setup than in MIDI. Although I can also definitely see how it's not everyone's cup of tea. Thanks for the crit!
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Old 05-25-2011, 05:15 PM   #7
JCAshworth247
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was I right? do I get 50 pts?
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Old 05-25-2011, 08:10 PM   #8
guitar_jew
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Yerr.
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Old 06-01-2011, 10:09 PM   #9
DiminishedFifth
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Thank you for the crit man! I'll preface by saying that I haven't listened/cared for music like this in years, so I might be a bit biased

A - Sounds like normal hardcore fare to me. Nothing unusual and will definitely be good with some hardcore vocals over it.

B - The bass is crazy! I've never seen awesome basslines in songs like these, so that makes me happy.

C - This is fine, but the 2/4 measure seems out of place. It completely ruins the whole flow of the song to me. The chord changes are really nice though. I would maybe have a drum fill over the entirety of the 2/4 measure to make it flow better, or just get rid of it entirely.

D - I enjoyed this a lot. A nice "melodic" section with clean vocals would be awesome here. You used the 11/8 awesomely as well. The chords you used are nice. I bet 51 - 52 sounds a lot better in real life though

E - This and the Br00TZ sections are probably the most generic. This one isn't that bad. But it's not very good either. Fits in a hardcore style song though haha. Especially when it slows down later.

Oh, and the transition to the C repeat was FANTASTIC. Loved it.

F - A good chant section. Better get the crowd ****ing PUMPED during this section!

BR00TZ II: no thank you... but that's personal opinion.

Finale: The transition here wasn't very good. Other than that it's fine. I think you should have everything stop on that final snare though, to give that final "power" to the ending.

Overall, it's not a bad song per se, but it's not my style. I don't want to rate it, cause I don't listen nor do I particularly care for music like this. At a show though, I'd be all up in that pit.
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Old 06-01-2011, 11:21 PM   #10
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I'm glad you referenced live performance- of the songs I've written recently that fit the 'post-hardcore' label, this one was very much intended as a crowd-mover.

I'm thinking of cutting out everything after that first repeat of 'D,' and using that pre-br00tz for a separate work. Good idea?
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Old 06-02-2011, 09:59 PM   #11
Mean Mr Mustard
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Yeah, I could definitely see the Underoath influence in that first riff (which was great by the way, I could see some vocals coming in on the second time through that would really highlight this section). I didnt really enjoy the bass much in part B, but I suppose that if you get the tone just right, then it could sound pretty sweet. Those tripelts just dont fit well in my opinion, while the sixteenth notes sounded better. :/

I thought C was a pretty nice section, although I do agree that the 2/4 bar really throws me off, and not in a good way, it disrupts the flow, that part could be much better. The repeat of A was perfect, dont question that. I wouldn't put C back in though, it seems so sudden. Personally, I would place a new section after A and before this C. This C just comes too quickly after the last one.

Section D was pretty sweet and heavy. The last two bars sound a bit muddy though, and perhaps you could put a nice sweet little lead line over top of the chords? That could sound quite pretty. The repeat of A sounds good again. E was good, no complaints really. B's repeat was good as well. E Brootz isn't a bad section, but its just that the transition into it and the transition out of it arent great, so maybe consider cutting this part, or placing it after that second D repeat. Thats personally what I would do since I wasnt a fan of the Pre-Brootz section. So to answer the question in your last post, yes, cutting that would work, but I would still suggest rearranging the sections, Ive told you what I thought my perferred order would be.

Overall, its quite enjoyable, it reminded me of Underoath sometimes, other times it seemed like a quite original piece. Basically, and you were right, the organization is dragging it down. Mainly towards the end, it seems to drag. So yeah, I would say cut out the stuff after the repeat of D, maybe have E Brootz at the end there, I dont know. The sections themselves are all really nice though, so great job on that.

If you don't mind, maybe a C4C on a few songs here? Im trying to get plenty of opinions.
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Old 06-09-2011, 01:44 AM   #12
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I think I've updated this one sufficiently to warrant a post.

Due to the mostly negative response to The Revengencing (apparently, T & C isn't fond of revengeance :P) I've just cut the whole thing off, leaving the song a minute shorter, and I think I'd agree, better for it.

I figured out why that 2/4 bar in C feels so weird- when I actually play the song on the geetar, I don't think it's there. I can't figure out what exactly it is that I AM doing, but once I take care of that, I can call this one done.

Heeding DF's suggestion, I've written a vocal line, harmonies and all. The 'x'es are the hardcore vocals- presumably they aren't going to be just quarter notes, they're put in that way just to be a placeholder, and a note to self that 'this section's vocals are hardcore vocals.'

Also updated 'A,' because it wasn't an accurate representation of the riff as I wrote it on guitar.

I also painstakingly copied, one note at a time, the drum line I wrote in TuxGuitar, which opens in GP5 as a piano, and causes all sorts of problems trying to edit the damn thing.

Thoughts on the vocal melody and lyrics would be appreciated. Are the harmonies effective, or even necessary?

I don't think I'm gonna post any new material until I finish writing this album. The next step after that is going to be getting a band together and recording it.

Last edited by guitar_jew : 06-09-2011 at 01:48 AM.
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Old 06-09-2011, 09:30 AM   #13
Seb1uk
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Cheers for the crit on mine mate.

Really sick intro riff man, can definitely hear the 'In Regards To Myself' influence. Liking the bass here. The transition into D was really nice, I liked the chord sequences but I don't think the chord in bar 52 sounded quite right, or I think the bass sounds a bit funny on the first beat.

The drum roll into the brootz bit was sick, but I was a little disappointed with the brootz section itself. The first two bars of it were a bit weak. To be honest I don't think you should've used those octaves in the first bar, and I didn't like the rhythm of the second bar.

I'm not sure how I feel about the rest of the song, I kinda think there needs to be more variation coming towards the end. Almost feels like it's dragged out a little, maybe you could make the final D section a little more dramatic? Well like, put something kinda fancy in it, change the drums up a bit or something.

Good piece though, really got me in the mood with the intro riff and there's some nice chord sequences. Vocals were alright throughout but I don't think they really added to it, maybe it's just because it's midi. Really depends on the voice actually singing it too. Nice one!
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