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Old 07-24-2011, 02:50 AM   #61
due 07
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Originally Posted by abdulalhazred
Is little girl who walks through the forest to visit sick grandmother. Her cape is red like blood of fallen comrade. Capitalist wolf stops her, "Little girl, I come to profit from your labor." Girl flees corrupt Western canine. Girl makes it to grandmother's hovel. Girl kills sick grandmother for refusing to work for the beloved Motherland.
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Old 07-24-2011, 02:50 AM   #62
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Photo taker killed by Skinny Comrade for let child use slide twice in row and not share equally. In Soviet Russia, you scare Skinny Comrade.
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Old 07-24-2011, 02:51 AM   #63
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Old 07-24-2011, 02:52 AM   #64
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How many comrades do take to screw in light bulb?

One.
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i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

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Old 07-24-2011, 02:53 AM   #65
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In mother russia, every man slender due to malnourishment and constant workings.
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Old 07-24-2011, 02:53 AM   #66
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Originally Posted by SeveralSpecies
In mother russia, every man slender due to malnourishment and constant workings.

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Old 07-24-2011, 02:55 AM   #67
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Legend tell of Skinny Comrade who appear before capitalist children and herd them away. Parents of corrupt spawn never see again, for the skinny comrade has taken them to work for the Motherland, and learn Soviet values.


That was shit.
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Old 07-24-2011, 02:56 AM   #68
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Originally Posted by UntilISleep
Legend tell of Skinny Comrade who appear before capitalist children and herd them away. Parents of corrupt spawn never see again, for the skinny comrade has taken them to work for the Motherland, and learn Soviet values.


That was shit.




Candle Jakov?
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Old 07-24-2011, 02:57 AM   #69
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Originally Posted by SeveralSpecies
In mother russia, every man slender due to malnourishment and constant workings.


lmao!!
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Old 07-24-2011, 03:03 AM   #70
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Russian scientist, brings great honor to Mother Russia, and an American scientist is talking about great space ships. American scientist say "We plan to goes to moon." Russian scientist question how accomplish this. American scientist say "Our corporations to pay for it."

American space ships crash and kill everybody. Russian scientist are executed for betraying Mother Russia.

Such is life in Soviet Russia.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
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Old 07-24-2011, 03:07 AM   #71
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After celebrate Bolshevik victory, family drive back to house. Wake up to find husband asleep instead of work. He look scared, as the West will be scared when victory is ours. I hear someone at work. It is tall, naked man by bed. Almost like husky dog. It run to hallway. Go to childrens' room and find daughter Dee Dee Dostovei bleeds. I tell her this is day when she is no longer girl; she is now woman and can work in factory alongside family for grain. She utter last words, "He is Rake." I say, "No fool. He is Boris. We are all rake leaves for good of motherland."
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Old 07-24-2011, 03:09 AM   #72
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Why does chicken cross road?

To take place at assembly line, making products for advancement of Mother Russia.



PS: I realize this is probably only funny to me.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
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Old 07-24-2011, 03:21 AM   #73
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spiroth10
My name is borik stanslovski and I have a terrible confession to make. Many years ago, in my homeland of Russia under the U.S.S.R. I made a terrible mistake out of my own foolish and pitiful arrogance.

you see I come from a family of humble farmers, but at a young age I excelled at stacking things in perfectly straight lines -- I could do this with a number of odd shapes, even some most people would find impossible.

it was because of this that our leader at the time, Joseph Stalin, decided that I would train to be a contractor in the traditional Russian style of stacking blocks into perfectly straight lines. After such our secret technology (one not known to the US to this date) allowed the blocks to either disappear entirely or be compacted into a smaller form we could use at a later date. We call this "Tetris" in the mother land, and it gave us a competitive edge against the construction methods of other countries.

I trained for years in the art, and was so revered that I stayed as head constructionist in all of the USSR. In my later years is when tragedy struck -- Under Gorbachev, I was put in charge of a top secret project to restructure the entirety of the soviet union -- should I have finished it wouldve been a paradise for us all -- all the resources, food, and supplies we'd have ever needed wouldve been easily supplied. our secret "tetris" technology would've allowed us to do this from a small point. The core of the system is nuclear, however, and failure to stack up the blocks in a perfectly straight line before reaching a height equal to the critical mass of the reactor core would cause massive destruction, this is why I was assigned the duty.

it was at this point, however, I became arrogant with my work, believing myself to be master of the art; I quickly became cocky, and decided it would be faster to stack blocks up on one side, and wait until I could be supplied with a straight piece to easily fill the remaining hole. I ignored how dangerously close I was getting to critical mass, and forsook the training in patience I had undergone since my youth.

I never did get the last straight block, and because of this, we went past critical mass, and though almost everyone was warned in time and escaped to fallout shelters, the soviet union itself collapsed.

Thats right, I Borik Stanslovski, am responsible for the collapse of the soviet union, and me alone.



This was posted in the pit in December 2008. I feel it belongs here.
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that'd be slightly creepy if i didn't find it so amusing.
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Old 07-24-2011, 03:25 AM   #74
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Quote:
Originally Posted by abdulalhazred
This was posted in the pit in December 2008. I feel it belongs here.

That would have been awesome if it was talking about Chernobyl, but that's still pretty ace regardless
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K'Nuckles
Butts are where you keep sin. Buttsex would be like ploughing pure sin.
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Old 07-24-2011, 03:31 AM   #75
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Quote:
Originally Posted by element4433
Why does chicken cross road?

To take place at assembly line, making products for advancement of Mother Russia.



PS: I realize this is probably only funny to me.


I chortled.
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Old 07-24-2011, 04:59 AM   #76
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Old 07-24-2011, 05:19 AM   #77
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These are hilarious when you've read the originals
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Old 07-24-2011, 06:34 AM   #78
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posting in epic thread for mother russia
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Old 07-24-2011, 07:03 AM   #79
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Parents use caretaker to protect weak children. Caretaker calls parents later, asking permission to cover frightening statue of clown. Parents say "Foolish caretaker, we have no statue."

Children and caretaker found dead. Parents rejoice. Frightened children and weak caretaker not true Soviets.
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Old 07-24-2011, 07:07 AM   #80
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Soviet comrade and wife travel back from labour to shack. Car runs out of gass, so wife walks to nearest house of comrade for gass. Man sits in car, drinking vodka, for many hours. He drunk and fall sleep.
Next morning, he wakes op from scratching on top of car. He step out to watch what this noise is. It was branch of tree. Man was parked in garden of Kremlin, he and wife were send to Siberia for more labour.

So is life in Soviet Union.
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maybe it's because of your description, or the fact that it's 1:30am here, or both, i can't stop giggling.


Sometimes girls say that too...
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