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Old 01-13-2012, 07:23 PM   #1
~Flounder~
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A Dark Alliance (Melodeath - LoG/Darkest Hour/stuff)

Edited heavily since OP

The song is pretty close to being finished arrangement/riff wise, although I still haven't gotten around to writing much of the synth stuff for it (there's going to be alot eventually haha) I just want to get some feedback / criticism on how it sounds as it is now. by all means, tear it apart!

LISTEN IN RSE FIRST!!!
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File Type: gp4 A Dark Alliance.gp4 (69.4 KB, 85 views)
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Last edited by ~Flounder~ : 01-23-2012 at 04:16 PM.
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Old 01-13-2012, 07:36 PM   #2
Tarbosh
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I like this quite a bit. It definitely has a kind of early In Flames-y feel to it, totally melodeath. I can hear the gristly vocals on top of it, haha.

Intro- I think the bird sounds are a bit cliche, honestly, but in a recording it's probably different. I dunno. The acoustic stuff you have going in is cool, and going into the "Metuhlz" section it transitions nicely.

Verse- Pretty standard melodeath riffage, it really does need a bass part though.

Prechorus- Makes sense, but I think for the bass part it should do something other than just follow the guitar. Same goes for the rest of the song, really, it pretty much all just follows the guitar. Don't be afraid to branch out and put flourishes here and there, bass is really great at cutting through the texture. Get creative with it. Anyway, moving on.

Chorus- This is kickass. The synth part at 75 sounds awesome. I think it could get a bit thicker, though, a lot of the voices drop out really quickly, and you could add way more padding to get a bigger sound.

102 is a cool tempo change. The breakdown is alright, I just don't like breakdowns in general because they really do limit you to just palm muted open strings most of the time. It's your prerogative to keep it, though.

Transition at 122 is really iffy. It doesn't really sound natural, so work on that. Not sure how you'd go about it, though.

I like the chords at the Extended Build section, I think this part could REALLY benefit from some big keys, I really like the "String ensemble 1" patch layered with the "Rain" patch. Idunno, give it a shot if you want.

Rounding it all out, the outro is a ****ing awesome riff. The best in the song, if you ask me. I would love to hear that more extended. I think the song ends a bit abruptly, so if you cycle that outro riff through some more changes, it could even it out a bit. In all, quite a well-written song with a few issues. Just address those and you're good to go.

Think you could take a look at Garden of Sighs in my sig?
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Old 01-14-2012, 11:49 PM   #3
HaydenHohns
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Honestly there isn't much wrong with this piece, I just have a few ideas that might make it more interesting. Thanks for the crit BTW!

At bar 76/7 I think the ascending guitar harmonies need to be emphasised, perhaps a quick scale run or arpeggiation. Guitar or keyboard will do.

At bar 83/84 I think there should be a choke on the crash along with the guitars following in suite with the main riff still playing.

I think there should be a transition between bar 101 --> 102. Listen to the triplet fills in "Holy Wars... The Punishment Due" by Megadeth... That should give you a good idea.

At bar 117 where the chromatic run begins should be the start of a solo. Something along the lines of Children of Bodom or Symphony X would be appropriate. Then bar 121 could be a guitar cadenza and then the Percussion can do a fill/solo in the last two beats of said cadenza.

Bars 139-141 could have guitar chords ringing (Still a distorted guitar) as a transition into the next section.

I also think a final guitar solo would work in the final riff. Think "Finally Free" by Dream Theater at 5:26.

Hope that helps or gives you some new ideas.
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Old 01-16-2012, 06:41 PM   #4
~Flounder~
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Hayden- I think all of your suggestions are spot on and I am in the process of working in some of those ideas. I uploaded a new GP that has some changes in it (added chorus keyboard harmonies, cymbal choke) but was wondering if you could clarify the "holy wars" triplet fills, what exactly do you means by that, or where in the megadeth song is that part?

I really like your idea of throwing in a quick solo with cadenzas, a "finally free" type solo at the end, and some ringing chords, but have yet to come up with anything exceptional so we'll see where it goes....thanks for the crit
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Old 01-16-2012, 07:28 PM   #5
HaydenHohns
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It happens around 0:24 (I actually used dotted notes in the attachments but it was triplets in the Megadeth song). I've uploaded the changes I made anyway to make things a little clearer. Take them as you will. You can keep the changes or abandon them completely.
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File Type: gp4 A Dark Alliance.gp4 (68.1 KB, 30 views)
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Old 01-20-2012, 04:54 PM   #6
Ometh
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Doing a bunch of these in a row, so lets rooowl.
Liking the intro with the seashore and birds singing, before a acoustic guitar enters with a nice melodic riff. The transition at 45 to the distorted part is adequate. The "Metulz" riff is generic, but does the job nicely, so no complaints there. The "verse" riff is a nice variation, still does the job nicely. Liking the riff in the pre-Chorus part, and I really dig the synth acentuating the riff at 73. The following riff is pretty sweet, but the synth seem way too high, even with RSE on. Don't really dig the synth usage at 88. Repetition of the verse, and pre-chorus, doesn't sounds boring. The drummong at 110 is interesting, but I don't dig the breakdown at all. I also don't dig the LAMB OF GOD PART, but that's me, I can't stand them. It also breaks the flow of the song, it doesn't add anything to it. The drum transition is quite poor. The riff at 130 is a reptition, but doesn't sound forced. Chorus II comes in, and although it doesn't sound boring, I was hoping for something new to come up. Then a reintro comes in. Really digging it, sweet drumming. The Extended Build up is quite nice, liking the chords at 180 and 181. The following synth part is quite nice, although I don't really dig the run at 190. The synth arpegios at 137 are sweet. Digging the phc outro. It ends with a nice ring out.
Overall, this was good but there's room for improvement: the breakdown and the groove riff don't add anything to the song and break it's flow. This song would benefit alot more with more melodic riffing usage and some tighter transitions. The drumming is top notch though, I'll give you that. 7/10.
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