Welcome to the one and only Relationship Thread!



Ultimate-Guitar.com is an enormous website with hundreds and hundreds of thousands of registered users from all over the world. Whatever your problem is, if it's with your girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, a friend, a family member, a classmate, a teacher, a coworker, you name it, there's a good chance that somebody here has had the exact same problem and somebody can offer some good advice.

This thread is dedicated to those seeking advice on whatever interpersonal or relational issue they might have. There are some bright folks that frequent this thread and are always willing to offer some helpful words.

First things first: if your question is about sex, it does not belong here. It goes here, yeah baby, yeah!

If you are just here to vent or complain about life or whine, direct it to the Hugging Thread. We can't help you here if there's no question being asked. Capiche?

Do remember that we offer advice and help for dealing with issues in relationships of all manner. A wall of text that amounts to complaining will get a response approximately 0 out of 10 times, and it's not being mean, we just cannot offer advice if we dont know what sort you're seeking.

Now that that's out of the way, there are some frequent posters who know what they're talking about--the thread regulars. Some have been around since the first incarnation of the Relationship Thread, some are newer but just as good. They offer an uncommonly high level of intuition and most possess the ability to pull a lot more information from a post than is posted. When these guys offer advice, it is absolutely in your best interest to listen to them and let it sink in:

blake1221
FreezerBurn
Vad Hamster
chev311e
Colohue
20Tigers
megano28
willT08
element4433/lolmnt

The Relationship Thread Rules and Guidelines
If you dont follow these simple rules, we'll savagely kill you and devour your soul. Not really, but it would save us all some trouble

1. Read the Frequently Asked Questions on the first page.

The reason they're called Frequently Asked Questions is because we get them A LOT. Save some time and effort by carefully going through the FAQ to check if your question hasn't already been answered on the first page.

2. Please try to keep your posts coherent.

I understand that the internet isn't the most formal forum, but regarding the fact that we're trying to offer a service in this thread, it'd behoove you to lighten the work on our end by proofreading your post a bit. A little punctuation goes a long way, and correct grammar is also appreciated, especially in the wordier posts. Paragraphs and sentence structure are greatly appreciated as well. Walls of text suck to read, break it up into paragraphs if you wouldn't mind

3. No bashing other users' advice.

People disagree sometimes. It happens. What one person thinks would be best does not always sit well with another. When this happens, it should never dissolve into flaming and harassing. If you should disagree with a particular piece of advice, kindly bring it to attention in a respectable way, and be sure to back it up with why it'd be wrong and alternative advice, as well.

4. Absolutely no spamming, flaming, or general stupidity.

This thread may be in The Pit, but treat it as if it were in any of the "serious" subforums. Posts like "how do i get laid", "how do i get a girlfriend", "i got laid last night", and general dumbness like that have no place here, just as they wouldn't in other areas of UG. Several moderators are regulars here and any garbage will be taken out accordingly. We are here to help you, and we would appreciate it if you keep that in mind and keep it respectful.

5. Please don't argue with the advice given.

It's fine to clarify information, but we take time out of our busy schedules to offer help and advice. It's super annoying and disrespectful to start arguing about whether the one giving advice is right or wrong. If it was wrong, and you have all the answers, why'd you come here in the first place?

Now, onto the glorious Frequently Asked Questions section!

Please note that this section has been meticulously worked on by several posters over many versions of this thread spanning nearly a decade. Impressive! The gentleman responsible: Freezer Burn, thedefrockednun, rigiddigits, Våd Hamster, blake1221, and now myself have all worked on it.

Using Våd's previous format, this FAQ is more or less in chronological order, dealing with before, during and after the relationship.

What do I do if I like a girl?
Listen, and listen well: Do not tell the girl you like her. Relationships are like poetry. A good poet does not tell their audience, they show them. You must do the same. Show her how you feel with flirting and body language. Then see how she responds.

How do I get her to like me back?
You know how when you like a girl, you think about them all the time, and replay what little interaction you've shared over again in your head? Yeah, you've got to do that for them. You have to get in her head. You have to be the one she's thinking about when you're not around. To do so, keep her on her toes. Girls like a chase, and offering yourself up on a platter most times will eventually bore them. If she knows 100% that you like her, she's not wondering whether or not you like her. If she's not wondering, she doesn't CARE. You have to get her to care what you think of her. Then she'll put the effort in.
Ultimately, of course, there is no way to force anyone to like you. But if you do these things, you'll stand a much better chance.

Uhh...so how do I flirt?
Have fun. That's all flirting really is. Tease her, get a little bit closer, make some physical contact, show her some attention in a way that lets on that you're interested. Best I can tell you is this: keep her smiling. She'll remember it.

And how can I tell if she likes me?
Staring, smiling, laughing, teasing, shyness, fidgeting with clothes and hair... Does her behavior change when you're there? Or if you start showing her a bit of interest?
In general, you give attention and time to the things you like. If she gives those things to you, that's a good sign.

I'd like to date, but I think I'm ugly.
You're not that ugly. Don't think that way. Confidence in yourself is one of the most important things in relationships, I cannot stress this enough. That "douchebag" that gets all the girls? They like him because he's confident. If you want to be more confident as well, one of the easiest ways is taking care of your physical appearance. Don't kid yourself, looks are important. Take care of yourself, it pays off. Your hair, your skin, your teeth, your personal hygiene, your level of physical fitness, your clothes...can all be changed easily. When you're happy, your confidence soars. And that's when people start getting interested in you. If you believe you are ugly, then that will be broadcast very loudly to the opposite sex. If you believe that you're attractive (and you dont have to be Adonis handsome to be attractive--not even close), then other people will too. Self-worth is so important to perception and attraction.

I like a girl who's unavailable.
Then she's off limits. It's generally regarded as a dick move to hit on taken girls. Shit happens, but ehhh, not the best look for your record. There are far more single girls out there for you. Leave another guy's girl alone, unless of course you plan on being a supreme douche.

This girl I like has a boy friend, yet tells me she likes me more. I don't get it?
If she wanted to be with you, she'd be with you. Simple as. Don't pay attention to her lies, she's just desperate for attention.

I'm in love with my best friend
You have a decision. Risk hurting your friendship and making a move, or directing your attention on other things and people, and moving along.

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I love this girl at school/work/wherever. Wat do?
Whoaaaa, ease up there turbo. Love is something that is grown and nurtured over time. If you dont know a girl, you do not love her. Know the difference between infatuation, lust, and love. Thinking about a girl constantly and fantasizing about being with her is infatuation. It is perfectly normal, especially in the teenage years, but do not make the fatal mistake of believing it is love. Lust is simply when you see a girl and you just want her sexually. Love, as i mentioned, is the product of time spent together and recognizing parts of her personality that you enjoy and appreciate.

What's the friendzone?
The friendzone is a "place" where all the guys that are just friends to the girls go when they are too sensitive and overly-nice to a girl. Usually, these guys bear the name of emotional tampon. You don't want to be in the friend zone if you are looking for a relationship because once you're in it, the odds of you getting out are unlikely.

Another opinion is that there is no such thing as "the friendzone." It is a place that guys use to make themselves feel better about rejection. You can't get every girl you have your eye on, not even the most suave and "best" get all the girls they want. Don't blame her for not liking you the way you want her to by accusing her of putting you in the friendzone. There is no shame in rejection. A girl didn't respond the way you were hoping? Big deal! Her loss, she never knew what she was passing up anyways. Instead of moping about it, improve yourself. Read more books to improve your tongue. Work out to improve self confidence. Get a new haircut, work out, learn a new skill to improve the variety of things to converse about. Everybody can improve in areas of their lives--even the best.

What does 'bros before hoes' mean?
Simply, if you know your friend is interested in a girl, and especially if he's intending on asking her out, don't go after her. It does not matter how she feels about him, don't go for her. If you really like the girl, at least talk to your friend about it, and ask him if he's cool with you going for her. It's far better to keep a friendship intact then the possibility of just one girl. Same rules apply for your friend's sister. Ask first.

I like my friend's ex
Basically the same rules as "bros before hoes." Talk to him about it before you know how she feels, or after (generally speaking, before is more polite and trustworthy), but make sure he knows. It's only fair. If it doesn't feel right to talk about it, it's probably too soon, so just keep it zipped for the time being. In most cases anyways, the friend might say he is ok with it but still secretly harbour resentment. It's best to just stay away from friends' exes--99% of the time it is wayyyy more trouble than it's worth. It is an exercise in self control, to be sure.

How do I ask her out?
General consensus states that the direct approach is the best. It's specific and shows you're confident, and leaves no room for incorrect interpretation--declare your intentions through directly asking her out. It can be as simple as, "Do you want to come to [place] on [day] with me?" If you're unsure, post, and we'll give you tips. Dating doesn't necessarily mean a relationship, but this is your best shot at working that way, so make it count!
Breakdown of best ways to ask:
Asking face to face > by phone > by text(eh) > IM'ing(bad) > Facebook (oh shit what are you doing)

Where shall I take her on a date?
Firstly: Take her somewhere relaxed and neutral. Places like a small coffee shop, park, bowling alley, carnival, mini golf, go karting, are these things. Yours or her place, a fancy restaurant, or your friend's party, are not.
Secondly: You'll want to make it active. Establishing physical contact is fundamental in the beginning of a romantic relationship- and something as simple as helping her balance on ice skates, holding the ball correctly, and so on.
When you're both more comfortable with each other, you can go to each other's homes and such.

What kind of gift can I buy her?
Homemade gifts or gifts with a personal touch are great. If you have a certain talent, use it! The effort put in says a lot more to her than just going out and buying something. Flowers and chocolates go over well, candy can work really well if she's got a sweet tooth. Put some thought into it, and they'll appreciate it. If she has a favorite author/band/artist, get her their latest work. It shows you listen.
Jewelry is great, but should really be saved for around the one year mark. These days, women appreciate material crap a lot less than you'd think--putting a personal stamp on a gift is much more valuable than a piece of metal.

I'm about to meet her parents, what do I do?
Parents simply want what is best for their daughter, and it's your job to show you can fit that bill. The mother needs to know her daughter is in safe hands, show her that you're sensible and responsible. Be on your best manners and always show respect. Engage her in real conversations, and it's great to let the family know that their daughter isn't the only thing you can think about. The father needs to know those things, but also that you'll treat his princess right. Be a gentleman, and polite and respectful at all times. Gauge how much talking room you have, and talk to him about anything. Being guys, you're bound to have more in common, so talk about sports, music, cars, whatever. Befriending the dad eases a lot of tension and any future issues. Relate to him, listen to him, make an effort to be on the same page as him. Don't be a suck up, but laugh at his jokes as well. Be polite, respectful, and well mannered, and you should do fine.

Above all else, understand that they are just people like yourself. Maybe they're just as nervous about meeting you as you are of them! Just relax and enjoy yourself.

Her parents already don't like me, can I fix it?
If the parents seem to have taken a dislike to you, just try your best to be polite and respectful, and play by their rules. Don't put your girlfriend in the middle, but do discuss it with her. However if they're dead against their daughter dating, then there's not a lot you can do about it. When she's living in their house, she lives by their rules.
Again, no sucking up though. Stand up for yourself if you feel you're being wronged. Nobody likes a doormat laydown.

We had a fight.
Most of the time, fights come from poor communication. Always keep your cool, never yell or let the fight dissolve into petty name calling and accusations. Keep it controlled in an adult discussion. Letting emotion get the best of you is NEVER good. That will only make things worse. Be honest, lay out all cards on the table. No lies, manipulation, secrets or ulterior motives. Treat her with respect (a reccurring theme, if you've been paying attention). Blame gets you no where in an argument, the object is not to prove you are right, but to resolve the issue at hand. They key to a healthy communication line is that both individuals get heard, respected, and understood. If you can master this aspect of relationships, a lot of things will become easier for you.

I think she's cheating on me.
Evidence is important. If you don't have any, then try to ignore your suspicion until you have something concrete to go off of. NEVER go through someone's phone, e-mails, Facebook, whatever. That is a serious breach of trust, and will only fan the flames of whatever situation arises. The next step would be to confront her about it. Lack of trust in a relationship is almost as bad for it as a betrayal of trust anyway.

I'm jealous and possessive of her.
Stop it, that's all there is to it. Jealousy is a natural feeling, but how you handle that feeling can greatly affect your relationship. It stems from insecurity and self-doubt, and usually the answer to stop can be found within rather than externally. Sometimes, you simply have to look the other way. If your girlfriend knew about and got mad about every time you checked out another girl's boobs, or laughed at your female friend's joke, or went out to the bar with your friends, you'd feel suffocated, right? Don't do the same to her.

She's jealous and possessive of me.
If she doesn't stop, it will only get worse. Don't allow her to take control of your life. You must assert yourself from the start of the relationship, agree a set of ground rules and stick to them. Cut your losses if it gets too much. Equally, you should look at your behavior and decide if there is anything you're doing that is out of line. If you're not ready to stop doing it, break up. If you want the relationship to work, compromise. Talk to her. Let her know that the way she is acting is making you feel unhappy.
Again, communication is key.

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I don't want to go out with her anymore. What do I do?
Break up with her, ASAP. We can help with how and where. A good way of looking at it if you're feeling guilty is that you're stopping her from being happy with someone else by staying with her. She'll hurt for a little while, but she'll be okay. Don't make any unwise promises - e.g. that you won't see anyone else, or that you'll stay friends.
Don't let her guilt you into giving it another chance, or give her one out of pity. Stand your ground.

When you do break up, it's best most of the time to just leave it in the past. You broke up for a reason, right? Getting back together might be good for a little while but eventually the reasons for the break up come back to the surface, often with a vengeance. It does work on a case-by-case basis, but for the most part, getting back together with an ex isn't a good idea.

She broke up with me. It hurts. How do I get over her? Should we be friends?
First: cut all contact. Getting over her will not come easy if the girl you love/obsess over is constantly around. Don't talk to her for a while. If you want to stay friends with her, tell her you need to time to sort yourself out. It is important to notice that life still goes on after the break-up. The Sun still rises, and you will be okay. Go outside, stay busy, keep preoccupied. Hang out with your friends, meet new people, take up a new hobby, stuff like that. This focuses your attention on other things, and you won't be constantly thinking about her. This is a piece of advice given in the previous thread, and it lays out a pretty good plan of action after a break-up. Don't get conned back into talking to her--be firm and resolute with yourself in staying away from her for a little while at least.

HALL OF QUOTES
If you feel that something should be here in the HQ, just pm the OP.


In response to a guy wanting to get back at an ex, after ending it responsibly and amicably:




Near-universal truth. Flirting made relatively easy.



What more needs to be said?








HOW TO GET WOMEN
A lesson in romantics by element4433.




And finally, the archived RTs of the past:

RT1: Original
RT2: The Sequel
RT3: The Threequel
RT4: The...Fourquel?

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Originally Posted by Hail why are the stock questions all directed towards guys (or i guess lesbians?) in my experience many girls are just as, if not more insecure than guys about relationships/attraction

Originally Posted by institutions i'm not a pedophile, i'm a lolicon

Originally Posted by Ian_the_fox My point was, I'm 50% (possibly even 75% ) of a faggot.

Originally Posted by TheChaz I ran over two squirrels at once one time. They were chasing after each other in the street, and I swerved to avoid them, but ended up with one under each tire. Still my greatest driving accomplishment to date.

Originally Posted by WantsLesPaul Hitler could have been aborted

Originally Posted by firestarter12 does any1 know where I can get a fender les paul? i always only see 1 or the other but i want one thats both.

Originally Posted by TunerAddict userbase of this website is 95% male if not more

Originally Posted by Hail maybe the sexism you're perpetuating is the problem if you were a little more mindful of the female community we could foster healthy online relationships between the poor lost souls of the pit and our underrepresented minority in the female populace

Originally Posted by Acϵ♠ reported if you had bothered to read literally the first few paragraphs, you would know these posts are not acceptable.

Originally Posted by morespace!! Is Joshua Garcia an admin?

Originally Posted by Nelsean At heart yes, but in his balls, he is a god.

Originally Posted by whywefight **** off Josh, you stupid piece of ****.

Originally Posted by Joshua Garcia I like my cat but my cat no like me. This is not a healthy relationship. What do?

Originally Posted by Joshua Garcia I like my cat but my cat no like me. This is not a healthy relationship. What do?

Waiting for You

SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS 2010/2012 WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS

Originally Posted by Joshua Garcia I like my cat but my cat no like me. This is not a healthy relationship. What do?

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Originally Posted by TunerAddict userbase of this website is 95% male if not more

Originally Posted by LeakyFlask Well, while I can count the female users of this forum that I know of on two hands (guitarxo, zombee, mistress, neo, andrea, carmel, theogonia depending on who you ask) they do have a presence. And we've of course got a few male gay chaps around here as well, so it does seem like it wouldn't be too crazy to just substitute "girl" with "person". Anyhow, I never lurked much in the old relationship threads, but now that you've caught my attention I just might. Of course I haven't got the best track record of actually taking action when it comes to my own love life, but I'm sure I can be of some help or at least amusement.

Originally Posted by institutions i'm not a pedophile, i'm a lolicon

Originally Posted by Ian_the_fox My point was, I'm 50% (possibly even 75% ) of a faggot.