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Old 01-11-2012, 02:57 PM   #1
Tarbosh
accly was dolan
 
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Garden of Sighs, acoustic prog (GP5) [C4C]

Here's my first song in quite a while. I wanted to write something that wasn't metal, since I've been focusing on that for such a long time. Don't get me wrong, I still love metal and love writing metal, but I just want to see what I can do outside of my genre of choice. I think it came out pretty decent, tell me what you think.

At first I had a lot of influence coming from Opeth's acoustic stuff, but it kind of diverged into a more jazzy, prog rock kind of thing, and even into something like post-rock. **** if I know, I have no idea where it all came from. I'll write lyrics eventually, but not right now. For now, the vocals are represented by the oboe.

I'll return crits if they're more than like 3 lines. So don't expect a return crit if you write like nothing.
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Old 01-14-2012, 04:02 AM   #2
whalepudding
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I loved this. Very doomy and atmospheric.

The Opeth influence is obvious, but the soundscape reminded me a bit of Devin Townsend on Synchestra, and the vocals (the verse melody was great btw) made me think of Woods of Ypres or Agalloch.

The moments when the strings began building up in the background, just slightly cutting through, like in bars 6-10 or 52-56 sound really haunting. I love it. I love the instruments in the background that you can only slightly hear.

Wait, are those meant to be vocals in 52-56? I only just noticed they're on the vocal track. I'd suggest keeping them as strings if so, or at least doubling the vocal part with strings. They sound perfect that way.

My favourite part was the outro. The riff there is fantastic, very doomy. And I loved ROCK N ROLL MAAAN, I wasn't expecting that.

OH and the electric guitar in Textures should be really drenched in reverb, like they're being played in a cathedral, IMO. Like in this. That'd sound awesome.

My only real problem is that like the Opeth stuff this is influenced by, this really stays at one constant level of low tension throughout the song. Possibly a criticism only I have, as I love anything with tension and release in it, and it's fairly normal for music in this genre to lack it - But I heard Ruminations, that string piece you did, and it was full of lovely tension and resolution. I'd love to hear you use those sort of chord progressions in a prog song like this, or one of your metal songs.

Last edited by whalepudding : 01-14-2012 at 04:04 AM.
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Old 01-14-2012, 11:44 AM   #3
Tarbosh
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Thanks for the crit, brodysseus.

I sort of see where you're coming from as far as the tension/release bit goes, but I thought the solo kind of served as the release of all the tension, especially at 111 when the tempo changes and it all opens up. Eh, I don't know, arguing on this subject is pointless because what your ears interpret will never change, and neither will mine.

Also, those strings at 52 are indeed supposed to be strings. That's just the track I happened to use, lol. Only stuff on oboe is vox.
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Old 01-14-2012, 12:04 PM   #4
whalepudding
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Didn't seem much like a release to me I'm 'fraid - I think because the chord and high note were slightly unexpected. It seemed more like movement forward into a new idea.

"Plateau" probably wasn't the right word, because there's definitely a progression from gloominess at the beginning to the more optimistic mood toward the end. "ROCK N ROLL MAAAAN" sounded like where it began to open up imo.
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Old 01-15-2012, 03:42 PM   #5
king_harvest88
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.........damn, this is awesome. Its hard to know where to start with this, seeing as its quite expansive and theres not really anything bad about it. I guess a couple of the harmonies on the vocal track seem a little out, thats about the only remotely negative thing i have to say.

My favorite parts were:

The end of each round of the verse (i.e. bars 19-21), especially where the C#m7 (or, rather A#m7, given the drop tuning) is played, where it's like 'yeah, we're gonna change key here, oh, wait, no we're not' its fantastic.

Loved the synth in bars 86-91, i liked the riff the first time thru, starting at bar 40, when it was just guitar, but the synth just added some oomph.

from bar 111 in the solo, the feel of this part is almost kinda 'smooth jazz' but not really, if you get me.

Although the piece is about 5 and a half minutes, it feels like it should go on, maybe thats just because i wanted to hear more of it.
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Old 01-15-2012, 05:06 PM   #6
RedDeath9
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lol this is shit d00d
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Old 01-15-2012, 07:19 PM   #7
Tarbosh
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hey fuk u
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Old 01-16-2012, 06:14 PM   #8
~Flounder~
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The verse bears a striking resemblance to RedDeath9's "Closing the Book"

Intro + Verse sound sweet as hell. Nothing needs to be touched. The Chorus is ok, but i think the bass melodies and guitar chords should be expanded on a bit to give the chorus a really epic, majestic feeling. I like how you wrote vocal melodies in here and they develop nicely throughout the song. I'd be excited to see/hear some lyrics over the melodies because they are going to add a whole new depth to the song.

measure 40-58 is a nice change from the flow of the song, but your "average listener" might not be too fond of it.

Both choruses could benefit from a slightly extended transition, I think. Maybe make measure 77 4/8 and do a second set of harmonies up by a 3rd or 4th perhaps. It would give the listener a better sign that the chorus is here.

The Post chorus and Rock and roll sections are cool, its always good to see a nice piano solo!!!! Also the transition into the solo is amazing, I seem unable to figure out how to do cool key changes like that Solo :0 and Texturez are all perfect as well and paint lush jazzy/proggy soundscapes. My only complaint (minor) is the 16th note piano runs from measure 127-134. If I were writing the part as a piano player (which I am) I might tweak them a bit just to make things more fun XD

The outro is cool, and makes nice use of dissonance as the song fades out. The only thing I can think of to make it better is try to incorporate the verse riff, which I thought was perhaps the best in the song. I really like this, an mp3 of this song would be treasure! I still think is sounds a lot like "closing the book" by RD9

c4c? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...39#post28924139
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Old 01-19-2012, 09:58 PM   #9
Life Is Brutal
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hey man this is awsom c4c?

Intro chord progression is awesome, and I really liked the jazz guitar overtones, along with the chromatic transition to verse 1. Verse 1 is great, nice themes and I especially like the use of 7th chords/Extensions.

Chorus is good, and works well.

At 40, SCREW STRUCTURE. STRUCTURE IS FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN'T FOLLOW COMPLEX MUSIC! ELITIST 4 LIFE DAWG!

Structure is nice to have because it gives something to relate to later on in the piece, or at least something vaguely familiar. By modern song standards, you can either say that its needed, or completely useless. Since you have a Verse 1 and Chorus, I don't think anything you do in between those it going to be detrimental.

The anti structure section was awesome, and I really like the harmonies. 49/52 and onward have plenty of hidden gems in the harmonies, and I absolutely love things that sound like this. Every time you listen to it you're able to break it apart more and more, and hear every intrinsic melody and part. Dunno, I just like complex/interesting vertical ideas.

75-77 is epic.

ROCK AND ROLL MANG

Solo was good, although I liked the :O section better than the start of it. Texturez is awesome, great tones and such, and the key change at 127 made me drool.

Outro is great, and was a good way to end the piece. Try adding a bit of Vocals to the end of it if you can, and see if anything works out. I'm not usually a clean vocal guy, but you had some really good vocal lines drawn out in this.

I used so many damn emotes in this crit.

C4C?

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1513146
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Last edited by Life Is Brutal : 01-19-2012 at 10:00 PM.
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