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Old 02-14-2012, 02:15 PM   #1
Erra93
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Home [GP5] (Mildly groovy, epic metalcore) [C4C as much as I can]

This is a song I wrote during night time, which I've been adding/changing stuff on for the last one or two week(s). I suck at genres, so I thought I'd just label it as metalcore, it feels like it would be anyway.

I wanted to make a 7-string song because I've been thinking about buying one soon enough, I realize I didn't make super much use of it in this song, but this is just the first

Hope it's not too bad for ya'll tastes, I'm really happy with the way it turned out!

PS. I'm not that good at giving useful crits, but I'll do my best when I have time, if you're into the whole C4C thing! Also, I've been requested for lessons on guitar, composition-wise, how would you say I'm doing?

Thanks! <3

Edit: Updated, v2

Edit 2: Updated, v3 is most likely going to be the final version
Attached Files
File Type: gp5 Home.gp5 (78.0 KB, 261 views)
File Type: gp5 Home v2.gp5 (75.8 KB, 207 views)
File Type: gp5 Home v3.gp5 (79.3 KB, 256 views)
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Last edited by Erra93 : 03-16-2012 at 02:17 PM.
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Old 02-14-2012, 05:19 PM   #2
Radman_Paiza
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I'd say either switch the root notes on the 7-string Guitar IV or leave it out on the intro. It creates complete chaos. Guitar III right before Home? could use some touch-ups to make it less predictable. Great chord progression in No. Less good chord progression on Home...

Home? (the second one) is poppy and fantastic. No. 2 is great as well. Home!, once again, the root notes creates a little too much chaos. You might want to touch up a bit on the last part, because the harmonies are a little off.

All in all, it's a great piece, and you got some solid riffs and progressions. Good work!
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Old 02-14-2012, 05:57 PM   #3
Erra93
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Radman_Paiza
I'd say either switch the root notes on the 7-string Guitar IV or leave it out on the intro. It creates complete chaos. Guitar III right before Home? could use some touch-ups to make it less predictable. Great chord progression in No. Less good chord progression on Home...

Home? (the second one) is poppy and fantastic. No. 2 is great as well. Home!, once again, the root notes creates a little too much chaos. You might want to touch up a bit on the last part, because the harmonies are a little off.

All in all, it's a great piece, and you got some solid riffs and progressions. Good work!


Thanks a lot! I've addressed most of the things you've mentioned, I hope. I actually like how the last harmonies sound, but if you could show me what you mean I might get a better understanding on what's off

Also, the chord progression in Home... might be changed, not sure about that yet, will look into it after taking a shower! Please do tell if you think what I changed now (v2) is for the better or for the worse, I'm not sure (33-37, will also try to make it more interesting after the shower!)

Link me to the piece you want me to crit and I'll get it done asap
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Last edited by Erra93 : 02-15-2012 at 07:44 AM.
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Old 02-20-2012, 11:31 AM   #4
Seb1uk
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Right finally getting round to critting this.

The intro is real nice man, I think the rhythm needs to be a tad louder though because it's quite hard to hear the chord sequence which is nice. The only thing is that there are occasional notes that sound a bit off, or just don't sound good, for example in bar 5, the first note in that bar. But otherwise, I really like the tone of the song already.

I really like the rhythm in the next section, and the use of panning works nicely. It flows into the next section nicely but the only thing I'd suggest to smooth the transition even more is make a drum roll last about 2 beats in the final bar of that section. I liked the feel of the 'Home?' section, it's just quite nice.

I liked how you varied the music using the same chord sequence in the 'Home...' bit. And same again for when you get to the 'Home!' bit. I think you expressed the feelings of hitting home, or not being at home yet etc. quite well, if that's what you were trying to do.

I almost think you could drag out the outro with the bell a bit more, it's quite an epic-sounding finish to the piece and I think it finishes a little abruptly. A typical way you could do it is to strike each chord once sustaining them for two bars instead of strumming the chord sequence, or just basically do sustained chords instead of strumming, and then maybe you could finish on the bell just ringing by itself after you go through it once/twice, whatever sounds better. Hope that makes sense.

But yeah, solid piece man, nothing to really complain about. And btw your crit wasn't 'god-awful' haha, it was fine To be honest I struggle with writing crits myself because of my lack of theory, I just tell people what I think sounds good or wrong really, I don't really get more technical than that haha.
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Old 03-02-2012, 01:10 PM   #5
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Starts up pretty interesting. I like really melodic music so this is pretty cool. I like the more skippy complex rhythms too. I'd try and get more variety in the song. It just feels like it doesn't go anywhere. Try and incorporate different complex chords like the ones you've already used. Pretty cool song though, the lead guitars definitely helped me stay interested throughout.
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Old 03-04-2012, 02:22 AM   #6
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Great work dude! One of my favorite pieces I've heard on here!
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Old 03-16-2012, 02:17 PM   #7
Erra93
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Seb1uk
Right finally getting round to critting this.

The intro is real nice man, I think the rhythm needs to be a tad louder though because it's quite hard to hear the chord sequence which is nice. The only thing is that there are occasional notes that sound a bit off, or just don't sound good, for example in bar 5, the first note in that bar. But otherwise, I really like the tone of the song already.

I really like the rhythm in the next section, and the use of panning works nicely. It flows into the next section nicely but the only thing I'd suggest to smooth the transition even more is make a drum roll last about 2 beats in the final bar of that section. I liked the feel of the 'Home?' section, it's just quite nice.

I liked how you varied the music using the same chord sequence in the 'Home...' bit. And same again for when you get to the 'Home!' bit. I think you expressed the feelings of hitting home, or not being at home yet etc. quite well, if that's what you were trying to do.

I almost think you could drag out the outro with the bell a bit more, it's quite an epic-sounding finish to the piece and I think it finishes a little abruptly. A typical way you could do it is to strike each chord once sustaining them for two bars instead of strumming the chord sequence, or just basically do sustained chords instead of strumming, and then maybe you could finish on the bell just ringing by itself after you go through it once/twice, whatever sounds better. Hope that makes sense.

But yeah, solid piece man, nothing to really complain about. And btw your crit wasn't 'god-awful' haha, it was fine To be honest I struggle with writing crits myself because of my lack of theory, I just tell people what I think sounds good or wrong really, I don't really get more technical than that haha.


Ah, I think I get what you mean, there's a few louts that are a bit "louder" than the other ones, making it sound sort of noisy? If that's it, hopefully I've corrected that with v3

Addressed that as well, I hope it's better now

Indeed, that was what I was going for, at first I was pretty much just fooling around and calling all the parts "Home", then I made the "Home!" part and realized it fit pretty good, haha

I tried my best and I think this should be good enough, I'm not 100% sure about the bass playing some notes at the very end though, maybe I should cut that off earlier too Definitely does make sense, I'm super greatful for your critique, it brings up some very good points and you're also very kind! You are quite the gentleman!

Hah, that's exactly what I try to do, I'm just not very good at it.. yet!

Quote:
Originally Posted by kylendm
Starts up pretty interesting. I like really melodic music so this is pretty cool. I like the more skippy complex rhythms too. I'd try and get more variety in the song. It just feels like it doesn't go anywhere. Try and incorporate different complex chords like the ones you've already used. Pretty cool song though, the lead guitars definitely helped me stay interested throughout.


Thanks for the kind words, though I'm happy with where the song is going, I feel like the general structure of it is how I want it to be

Maybe you'll enjoy the new version more, hope it's still up to par!

Quote:
Originally Posted by kristjantomasso
Great work dude! One of my favorite pieces I've heard on here!


I'm honored, haha. Your song "A Sheep In Wolves Clothing" is one of the songs on this forum that I've really envied. Always wanted to make a song like that one, so cheers to you! It really means a lot to me
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Old 03-16-2012, 11:41 PM   #8
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You know, that seemed pretty well done. Everything felt coherent, and it had a solid flow.

The only thing that bugged me a little bit was the 8-5-3-0 progression. It just gets used so much. I think that it's the 3 in there that really does it for me. That's just a personal comment however. The outro seemed like you could extend it a bit (not just copy paste though preferably. To me, it feels like a solo would fit well at the end there with the bells and everything)

Overall, it seems good to me (v3). Everything worked well as it was, and the only things I would have done differently were just stylistic choices/preferences. Good job man.
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Old 03-20-2012, 12:23 PM   #9
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Just had a listen to v3, I think the intro sounds fine now. And yeah that drum roll in that verse-ish kinda section really makes a difference, to me at least. The outro sounds much better now as well, I think you could still make it a bit better, but that's just me being picky, it works fine though. Nice one man
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