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Old 05-01-2012, 05:48 AM   #1
metacarpi
Too old for this ****
 
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Oh God, Why?

Right, so I need a massive poo all of a sudden, so I head to the bathroom, and let her loose.

Something must have disagreed with me yesterday, because I'm like a freaking upside down volcano here.

Look at the TP roll. 6 freaking sheets remain.

There's no way I'm cleaning myself up with just that, so I cast my eyes around the bathroom for a substitue, whilst doing the best I can.

I see some surface wipes, and I'm all "Hell, it's just tissue with some soap or something on it, no biggy" so I use a few of those, get cleaned up, and frankly feel a little bit proud of myself for not resorting to using either a towel or my boxers.

I'm on top of the world. Had a good poo, and avoided a catastrophe.

That is, until my anus started to burn.

Moral of the story:

Apparently, an Anus doesn't count as a "surface".
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Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

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Old 05-01-2012, 05:50 AM   #2
StewieSwan
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It wouldn't burn if you didn't stick your finger so far in.
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Old 05-01-2012, 05:51 AM   #3
jambi_mantra
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I love you Metacarpi
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Old 05-01-2012, 05:51 AM   #4
MakinLattes
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Maybe now you'll check how much toilet paper you have before you take a shit.
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Old 05-01-2012, 05:52 AM   #5
slash_GNR666
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Lol ring sting
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ WE ARE ROB ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽
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Old 05-01-2012, 05:52 AM   #6
Amuro Jay
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External use only, man. Read the warning label.

Also, rectal tissue is very sensitive and is very absorbent, apparently. Probably soaked up all those disenfectants like a sponge.

Your ass is gonna burn for a while. And your next shit will not be pleasant either.
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Old 05-01-2012, 05:54 AM   #7
Scowmoo
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Dear god
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Old 05-01-2012, 05:55 AM   #8
slash_GNR666
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also if on a roller, always make sure you check the inside of the toilet paper...

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ WE ARE ROB ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽
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Old 05-01-2012, 05:56 AM   #9
leony03
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I am now forever scared of the shitter.
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Old 05-01-2012, 06:05 AM   #10
Harvey Swick
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that must feel shitty.
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Old 05-01-2012, 06:05 AM   #11
Telecaster7
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Just wipe it on the walls, turn it into art.
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Old 05-01-2012, 06:08 AM   #12
Kensai
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Did not need to hear that (´・ω・`)
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Old 05-01-2012, 06:11 AM   #13
BillyRamone
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Oh God, Why ... did you post this?
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Old 05-01-2012, 06:11 AM   #14
GuitarViking
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kensai
Did not need to hear that (´・ω・`)


Seriously, that emoticon never fails to creep me out
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Old 05-01-2012, 06:13 AM   #15
ErikLensherr
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Should've just used your hand.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreadnought
No joke that's how I feel

edit: unless that's a gay thing
Quote:
Originally Posted by 457undead
is saying "Hiiiii" to a girl flirting?
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Old 05-01-2012, 06:16 AM   #16
Ichikurosaki
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you honestly didn't know that would end badly? wisdom does not come with age, clearly

in that shituation i just have a shower
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Old 05-01-2012, 06:16 AM   #17
rock.freak667
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You should have just pulled up your pants, gone for a roll then return to the bathroom to wipe.
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Old 05-01-2012, 06:17 AM   #18
whoomit
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mky
Should've used a sock.

I had to do that one night in a club.

Worst part was they were brand new socks, AND they were a gift
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Old 05-01-2012, 06:28 AM   #19
Don_Humpador
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Location: battles in built demons on a daily basis. Doesn't know what to do with his life. Is ever hoping. Was also once I.O.T.M's e-wife, though that ended in suspicious circumstances. We don't talk about that any more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ichikurosaki
in that shituation i just have a shower

1/10

Also that picture is freaking terrifying. Now I will never look at my toilet roll and just grab for it haphazardly.
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Old 05-01-2012, 06:29 AM   #20
SG_dave
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slash_GNR666
also if on a roller, always make sure you check the inside of the toilet paper...

[IMG]TP monster[/IMG]


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