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View Poll Results: Do you like this ori song?
Yes 5 17.86%
No 23 82.14%
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Old 04-15-2014, 11:31 AM   #1
syak
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Do you like this original song?

hey folks. me and my friends wrote an original song, titled Never Saw it Coming. I am hoping if you guys can listen and give comments.

Just wanna get some unbiased feedback.

Thanks very much in advance

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ2nofztmNI

Last edited by syak : 04-15-2014 at 11:32 AM.
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Old 04-15-2014, 11:44 AM   #2
vayne92
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Sounds like a Weird Al Yankovic song, except it wasn't funny.. I also kept waiting for some kind of climax, but it never happened (huehuehue). Why have a progression create tension, but then just keep doing the same thing over and over again

Also your thread is gonna get closed brah

EDIT: You 100% sound like Weird Al

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Last edited by vayne92 : 04-15-2014 at 11:52 AM.
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Old 04-15-2014, 11:44 AM   #3
ChucklesMginty
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You sound kind of like Weird Al.

Edit: I knew it wasn't just me.

But yeah I agree with the above. This is cheesy as hell, but that's fine if it's the kind of thing you were going for. But it didn't go anywhere, it has potential but right now it's just boring. There needs to be a big chorus.

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Old 04-15-2014, 11:46 AM   #4
Random3
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If you want serious responses then post it in the recording sub forum. But yeah I also hear Weird Al when I listen to this, don't know why.
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Old 04-15-2014, 01:43 PM   #5
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Complete wrong forum, go to either promote your band or original recording forums.



#forumpolice
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Old 04-15-2014, 02:48 PM   #6
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do you like THIS original song??

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Old 04-15-2014, 02:51 PM   #7
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I was really bored so I skipped around some and still didn't find anything catchy or good to listen to
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Old 04-15-2014, 02:53 PM   #8
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this is the wrong forum man, keep the pit clean, don't litter
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Old 04-15-2014, 03:09 PM   #9
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Old 04-15-2014, 03:10 PM   #10
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^ That picture is beautiful!!!
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Old 04-15-2014, 03:11 PM   #11
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^ That picture is beautiful!!!

I know rite I wanna eat it all
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Old 04-15-2014, 03:18 PM   #12
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The work/lurk rhyme sounded forced. The whole song sounded like a verse. It needs a chorus.
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Old 04-15-2014, 03:19 PM   #13
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The work/lurk rhyme sounded forced. The whole song sounded like a verse. It needs a chorus.

it sounded more like a poem than a song

try again without the piano and you might get famous
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Old 04-15-2014, 03:35 PM   #14
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It sounds to me like something the Dixie Chicks, Weird Al, and Toby Keith would co-write together.

Try adding some more instrumentation (maybe. Maybe you're going for a minimalist approach. I don't know. That seems to be in style nowadays).

Also, it needs a better chorus. I really couldn't discern what your chorus was. Ways to do that: Add a vocal harmony(or two since this sounds like country to me), change key, sing louder/stronger, change tempo or key signature, change basic chords.

Also, please consider using more dynamics. Start looking at songs that sound interesting but when you break them down are two-four chords the entire song. You'll begin to realize that dynamics are essential. This song could be 10x better with some proper use of dynamics. Examples being: Vocal inflection, rhythm of piano part, as well as how hard you strike the keys.

Otherwise, I found the lyrics to feel very cliche/cheesy. If that's what you were going for, then fine, but I didn't like them. It seemed like you REALLY wanted to use the most cliche things possible, but decided to dodge around them and infer them. Ex. 'picked up a spoon' (or something like that) trying to use the cliche of a 'silver spoon'.

Anyway, sorry if that was a little harsh, but it's what I honestly thought. You're on the right track, have a usable voice, and with some more practice at songwriting, you'll get there

EDIT: Also, about the chorus, it doesn't necessarily NEED it, but it needs something in the way of it. It needs some sort of change. It sounds the same all the way through. That goes back to dynamics. With enough dynamic change, you can keep the entire structure but use the dynamics to create the illusion of something else going on.

Last edited by mjones1992 : 04-15-2014 at 03:36 PM.
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Old 04-15-2014, 03:46 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mjones1992
It sounds to me like something the Dixie Chicks, Weird Al, and Toby Keith would co-write together.

Try adding some more instrumentation (maybe. Maybe you're going for a minimalist approach. I don't know. That seems to be in style nowadays).

Also, it needs a better chorus. I really couldn't discern what your chorus was. Ways to do that: Add a vocal harmony(or two since this sounds like country to me), change key, sing louder/stronger, change tempo or key signature, change basic chords.

Also, please consider using more dynamics. Start looking at songs that sound interesting but when you break them down are two-four chords the entire song. You'll begin to realize that dynamics are essential. This song could be 10x better with some proper use of dynamics. Examples being: Vocal inflection, rhythm of piano part, as well as how hard you strike the keys.

Otherwise, I found the lyrics to feel very cliche/cheesy. If that's what you were going for, then fine, but I didn't like them. It seemed like you REALLY wanted to use the most cliche things possible, but decided to dodge around them and infer them. Ex. 'picked up a spoon' (or something like that) trying to use the cliche of a 'silver spoon'.

Anyway, sorry if that was a little harsh, but it's what I honestly thought. You're on the right track, have a usable voice, and with some more practice at songwriting, you'll get there

EDIT: Also, about the chorus, it doesn't necessarily NEED it, but it needs something in the way of it. It needs some sort of change. It sounds the same all the way through. That goes back to dynamics. With enough dynamic change, you can keep the entire structure but use the dynamics to create the illusion of something else going on.


I'm pretty sure that this is one of those 'the curtains are f*cking blue' moments.
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Old 04-15-2014, 03:48 PM   #16
willT08
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dem strings
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Old 04-15-2014, 04:25 PM   #17
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lets show some mercy its the guy's first post on UG.

i'm glad you've found reverb, find moderation.

song is ok, needs other instruments

next time post in the correct forum.
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Old 04-15-2014, 04:31 PM   #18
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was going to post "you sound like weird al" but i guess thats already been acknowledged.
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Old 04-15-2014, 06:21 PM   #19
syak
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Thanks guys for the comments. I'm cool with the criticisms. No disageeements. weird al has a nice voice in my book.

Btw sorry first post, wrong sub forum. My bad.
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Old 04-15-2014, 06:31 PM   #20
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your voice doesn't fit the sound of the music, maybe play lower on the piano or throw some more guitar in there but it does have potential.
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