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Old Yesterday, 06:17 PM   #1
Random3
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Is this an unreasonable request?

I just want some opinions on this matter.

My girlfriend started smoking for a brief period a couple of years back, which led to a lung infection and a month long induced coma. This had a long recovery period and cost her family and myself a fair amount of money due to backed up bills etc.

Anyway, there have been a few times since then where I have suspected that she still smokes occasionally, and she has always denied it. On one or two occasions, most recently just now, I have found cigarettes on top of her bag.

I will add to this that she is overweight and not the healthiest individual.

I told her I am not comfortable with her smoking at all, which I think is a reasonable thing to say. What makes me less sure is that I in fact smoke socially when I am at the pub or with friends, but at no point has it become an addiction.

Add to this the fact that she keeps lying to me about it, and the fact that I am far healthier than her, is it fair for me to, in effect, "tell" her to stop despite smoking socially myself?
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Old Yesterday, 06:17 PM   #2
deadsmileyface
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buy her an ecig
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Old Yesterday, 06:18 PM   #3
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I don't see a problem with you holding her to different standards than yourself but she probably will throw that in your face so you should offer to give up smoking as well if it will help her quit.
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Old Yesterday, 06:20 PM   #4
Random3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JackWhiteIsButts
I don't see a problem with you holding her to different standards than yourself but she probably will throw that in your face so you should offer to give up smoking as well if it will help her quit.


I have considered that but although I am perfectly capable of never smoking again I don't believe that she would actually stop.
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Old Yesterday, 06:21 PM   #5
deadsmileyface
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Random3
I have considered that but although I am perfectly capable of never smoking again I don't believe that she would actually stop.

right, so buy her an ecig. she can continue her habit without harming her body. problem solved
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Old Yesterday, 06:27 PM   #6
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your gf is so fat that smoking a few cigarettes put her in a coma for a month and you had to pay for it? And she's lying to you on a daily basis about it?

Dump her fat, smoky, comatose ass
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Old Yesterday, 06:31 PM   #7
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No one likes a hypocrite though.
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Old Yesterday, 06:36 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by OddOneOut
No one likes a hypocrite though.

ye
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Originally Posted by flexiblemile
your gf is so fat that smoking a few cigarettes put her in a coma for a month and you had to pay for it? And she's lying to you on a daily basis about it?

Dump her fat, smoky, comatose ass

this too
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Old Yesterday, 06:36 PM   #9
Random3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OddOneOut
No one likes a hypocrite though.


That's what I'm not sure about.

I socially smoke maybe 5-10 cigarettes when I am at the pub, usually once a week, and often go days or weeks without even thinking about smoking. My resting heart rate is around 50bpm, I have lost 8kg in the past year and my BMI is around 25.

She on the other hand smokes "as a stress coping mechanism", has a resting heart rate over 80bpm, BMI in the high 30s, lies to me about it on multiple occasions and has been in hospital for a lung infection. I don't know what else to say to make her understand that given her situation, smoking is a completely idiotic thing to do.
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Old Yesterday, 06:37 PM   #10
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reason'bly
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Old Yesterday, 06:43 PM   #11
BladeSlinger
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It really sounds like that isn't someone you should be with.


If she's had a lung infection from smoking then that seems reason enough for her to stop.
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Old Yesterday, 06:44 PM   #12
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You're smoking too bro. It affects her habit a lot actually. Get her a vaporizer man. She'll quit smoking in no time. She will however become addicted to smoking vapes tho and no one really knows any future problems it may cause in the future.

You gotta be on the same page with her. Stop smoking socially and work with her. If not, use a firm and steady boot because this is a life or death situation and you do not need to be around if she wants to kill herself.
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Old Yesterday, 06:46 PM   #13
flexiblemile
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Focus on the fact that she's lying to you about something life threatening to her and traumatizing/expensive to you.

The actual smoking isn't really the issue here. Your gf being a fat, lying bitch is.
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Old Yesterday, 06:46 PM   #14
OddOneOut
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Random3
That's what I'm not sure about.

I socially smoke maybe 5-10 cigarettes when I am at the pub, usually once a week, and often go days or weeks without even thinking about smoking. My resting heart rate is around 50bpm, I have lost 8kg in the past year and my BMI is around 25.

She on the other hand smokes "as a stress coping mechanism", has a resting heart rate over 80bpm, BMI in the high 30s, lies to me about it on multiple occasions and has been in hospital for a lung infection. I don't know what else to say to make her understand that given her situation, smoking is a completely idiotic thing to do.

IMO its a completely idiotic thing to do regardless of health situation.

But you should maybe stop smoking completely as an incentive and way to encourage her to not smoke. Have you considered that smelling smoke on you and seeing you smoke socially with your friends might be making her crave cigarettes more? Be in it together. Go for walks and do exercise together etc, as that's a better way to relieve stress. Be frank with her and tell her that you're not okay with her lying to you, its a breach of your trust, you're worried about her and you have to be honest to each other.
Also avoid using her as a sole example when you talk to her, as it will seem very accusatory if you use "you" all the time.

So in short, its not an unreasonable request but you should be aware you will look like a bit of a dick. You can reduce this appearance of twattishness by offering to give up completely too.
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Old Yesterday, 06:50 PM   #15
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it's not entirely important if it's hypocritical. if you really want her to stop and smoking isn't a habit for you, you should stop in solidarity.
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Old Yesterday, 07:37 PM   #16
Lord_Doku
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Random3
That's what I'm not sure about.

I socially smoke maybe 5-10 cigarettes when I am at the pub, usually once a week, and often go days or weeks without even thinking about smoking. My resting heart rate is around 50bpm, I have lost 8kg in the past year and my BMI is around 25.

How good for you.
Quote:
She on the other hand smokes "as a stress coping mechanism", has a resting heart rate over 80bpm, BMI in the high 30s, lies to me about it on multiple occasions and has been in hospital for a lung infection. I don't know what else to say to make her understand that given her situation, smoking is a completely idiotic thing to do.

You can tell her that given her situation, smoking is a completely idotic thing to do.
Yes, I mean it. Don't euphemise, just put it as it is. Tends to be a hard-hitting-hammer.
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Old Yesterday, 07:41 PM   #17
StewieSwan
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>fat
>liar
>smokes even though it's already caused significant problems for her


Sounds like a real catch.
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Old Yesterday, 08:04 PM   #18
Dimarzio45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eastwinn
it's not entirely important if it's hypocritical. if you really want her to stop and smoking isn't a habit for you, you should stop in solidarity.

Basically, this.

Lead by example, broseph.
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Old Yesterday, 08:24 PM   #19
Random3
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I've had a talk to her, I have made it clear that if she ever lies to me about something like this again then we are done, and we are both going to buy e-cigs. Thanks for the help all.
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Old Yesterday, 08:43 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Random3
I've had a talk to her, I have made it clear that if she ever lies to me about something like this again then we are done, and we are both going to buy e-cigs. Thanks for the help all.

wow, that'll solve everything
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