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Old 07-16-2012, 05:40 PM   #1
Tarbosh
accly was dolan
 
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Prophecy - Progressive metal (GP5,C4C)

It has been a very, very long time since I posted something substantial on this forum.

Most of it is because I went through a really ****ing long time without writing anything. Like, anything at all. For months. And then, randomly, I just started writing again. I started this maybe a year ago, but I never got very far, the past few days I worked on finishing it up. All criticisms are greatly appreciated, and I hope you like it.


EDIT: I've added an acoustic break section per suggestion of GU5T4V.
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Last edited by Tarbosh : 07-17-2012 at 10:07 AM.
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Old 07-16-2012, 06:06 PM   #2
GU5T4V
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Woah! Well, to say it's dramatic would be an understatement. If I were to pick out my favorite parts, it would Hapless Descent/I'll be Bach and Coming to Frutation, those parts are done absolutely right. You have a lot of talent for melody, don't you believe anything else.

A problem that I have with the composition in general is that you don't give it any time to breathe, it's relentless pretty much from the first tone to the last. A calm bridge (as in calm and soothing) thrown in somewhere would help a lot. I mean, listening to a song that is basically just one long climax can be... tiring. I think it would help make the different parts more memorable, as well.

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Old 07-16-2012, 06:13 PM   #3
Tarbosh
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GU5T4V
Woah! Well, to say it's dramatic would be an understatement. If I were to pick out my favorite parts, it would Hapless Descent/I'll be Bach and Coming to Frutation, those parts are done absolutely right. You have a lot of talent for melody, don't you believe anything else.

A problem that I have with the composition in general is that you don't give it any time to breathe, it's relentless pretty much from the first tone to the last. A calm bridge (as in calm and soothing) thrown in somewhere would help a lot. I mean, listening to a song that is basically just one long climax can be... tiring. I think it would help make the different parts more memorable, as well.

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C4C? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1551459


Well, as far as the "calm bridge" part goes, that's sort of what I'll be Bach (I still can't believe I actually made that pun) was supposed to be. I'm not sure why this song came out the way it did, however one thing I can say for sure is the last song I wrote was an entirely acoustic prog rock kind of thing (Garden of Sighs in my signature if you have any interest), so this is like the opposite end of the spectrum, I guess.

It's funny you should say that I'm good with melody, because I've always thought that was my weakest point as far as composition goes.

Regardless, thanks for the crit, and I'll be sure to give you one for yours.
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Old 07-16-2012, 06:17 PM   #4
GU5T4V
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tarbosh
Well, as far as the "calm bridge" part goes, that's sort of what I'll be Bach (I still can't believe I actually made that pun) was supposed to be. I'm not sure why this song came out the way it did, however one thing I can say for sure is the last song I wrote was an entirely acoustic prog rock kind of thing (Garden of Sighs in my signature if you have any interest), so this is like the opposite end of the spectrum, I guess.

It's funny you should say that I'm good with melody, because I've always thought that was my weakest point as far as composition goes.

Regardless, thanks for the crit, and I'll be sure to give you one for yours.


Yeah, I'll be Bach is a bit of a breather, but most of it is a "build up" leading into another onslaught. It is brilliantly put together, but it might be wise to extend that part a little bit so that the ears of the listener gets a chance to relax. That would make the rest of the song easier to digest.
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Old 07-18-2012, 03:12 PM   #5
Ometh
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Although I mentioned I would crit this now, I'm kinda busy atm so I'll probs only get a change tomorrow/friday. shorray
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Old 07-23-2012, 01:56 PM   #6
Ometh
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I'm going to finally crit this, and to compensate for the delay I'm going to doublepost. FREEBUMPFTW

Nice tremollo line, with some sweet acoustic chords and synth work. Leads nicely into "Kick It", featuring again some great synth work. The guitar work is rather simplistic in this part, but it really complements the synth work. Digging the augmented chords at 25, really eerie sounding, with a nice lead conisting on the same riff played in a higher octave. The next blast beat riff is really good, like the harp arpeggios. Nice harmonies in the next riff, and a nice unexpected chord progression leads into a solo: sweet phrasing, really dig the huge vibratto at 50. The next riff is nice sweet transition to another eerie sounding riff. Liking the drum breakdown at 60, it really lets the guitar shine a bit more than usual. The next section, "I'll be Bach", apart from being a nice pun, is actually a really nice break. A build up becomes noticeable from 74 on. Digging the synth riff being completemed by the guitars. It transitions nicely into "Intense rumination", also another nice chord progression that leads into a nice mini solo. Digging the next riff aswell. Digging the chromatic descent from 99 on, especially at 101, with a nice synth riff complementing the blast beat. Riff at 103 is a nice change, leading into an insane acoustic break. Digging the snare delay at 110, nice touch. It explodes into a revisited section, making it feel fresh. Digging the leadish guitar work from 124 to 127. The next riff leads nicely into another guitar solo. Digging the reverb effect, sweet phrasing aswell. Coming to fruiction is soo sweet lol, really dig the almost dream-y feel. 152 on is a nice return to a lead theme previously used, this time slowed down and harmonized. A nice decrescendo finished up the song. 9/10, wish I could write like this lol.
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Old 07-23-2012, 03:19 PM   #7
Tarbosh
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I couldn't help but imagine you saying that all in one breath

Thanks for the crit, though, really glad you like it :>

Last edited by Tarbosh : 07-23-2012 at 03:25 PM.
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Old 07-23-2012, 06:50 PM   #8
JazzDeath
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Thanks for critting my WIP thingy.

I think the intro could use some orchestration or rhythmic cues to better discern the tempo and the mood you're about to set, it sounds a bit dry atm with just the tremolo. EVen accentuations would help.

I like everything except bar 12, I think it's a bit too off kilter and out of nowhere - I like the idea of a sort of mini break for the driving rhythm but I think it's a bit disjointed in harmonization and rhythmic, looking at it quickly I see the drums doing triplets when the guitar does 16th notes and the bass is doing 8th notes, I don't get those choices, it makes it sound incohesive.

I ****ing love the piano lead at 25 with those Chuuuunky chords, it sounds badass.

I dislike when the distorted guitar matches it though, might be a tone thing from Guitar Pro. With some effects it could sound cool.

I'm starting to see a recurring issue I have with this make itself clear to me, I like the structure, I like the moods you have throughout, but the drive the song has sounds mega disjointed because you have a habit of putting let's say triplet feel tremolo on guitar while the bass is in 8th notes, or the drums are following the guitar in triplets and the bass is doing something in 8th notes and it reallllly clashes to the ear because when you stack triplet 8ths with regular 8ths your notes on bass literally fall in between the notes on the guitar and it sounds suppppppper chaotic and disjointed rhythmically, and it really tires my ear and makes it hard to discern the melodies and what's really going out. It creates this massive wall of disjointed sound which really hinders the great ideas inside of this piece.

Another example, the riff at bar 52, with a straightforward fill at the end in 8th or 16th notes, would sound wayyy better for the drive of the piece than the weird triplet fills you put in, because it makes it sound choppier than it is and it breaks the flow repeadetly. As an effect sometimes, it can be cool, all the time, it is very tiring. (At 57 for example, the triplet kick drums gives a cool effect actually, that works!)

The part at 59 is a cool idea but I'm not sure I really like the note choices you make throughout in some of the scale runs/arpeggios. I love when the Bach part gets simpler at 68 though, that sounds really cool overall.

The buildup is really sweet too. That and the beggining of Melodious Estrangement are definitely my favorite parts of this song.

Your music reminds me a lot of Emperor actually. It has that chaotic constant drive and those really unusual vibes, but I think overall, the triplet/nontriplet issue is one of the main problems.

The other is the sheer ambition of the amount of orchestration you're trying to achieve, and how many different timbres, rhythmics, melodies, and chords, you're trying to stack on over each other, which sometimes has a really, really awesome effect, but sometimes, you can tell some of it is confused and clashing. I think it needs some polishing overall in the harmonization/rhythmic cohesion areas.


Sorry for the long criticisms, this type of piece is really hard to critique and to go in detail would take me like 3 pages. Overall I like the ambition this piece has and the style and mood you're going for, I dig that. If you need some clarifications on my crit let me know.
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Old 07-23-2012, 09:04 PM   #9
Tarbosh
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Thanks for the crit, and the honesty.

I'll go ahead and be honest, the reason there's a lot of instances where the bass is doing eighth notes while everything else is in triplets is simply because I can't reliably play that fast on bass with my right hand unless I use a pick, which is something I really don't want to do. Provided I ever do record this, though, which I'm sure I will eventually, I may resort to doing that. I think for this style of music the bass tone/control gained by playing with fingers is a little bit less important, but I still can't help but feel like it's cheating.
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Old 07-28-2012, 09:57 AM   #10
nightale
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Hey
Returning the crit, thx for your good words on my song.

Well prophecy is definitely a piece of art! The two first bars let me like :-| ... but as soon as the other instruments kicked in, I was like OMG The song is so good, I don't mean to blindly praising it, but it's difficult to find any flaws in it. I was totally impressed.

I don't know if this is intended to have some black metal / death metal vocals, but it has a lot of symphonic/melodic black metal sounding parts. Reminds me of good Dimmu Borgir's songs or even COB in some parts (harp arpeggios).

The intro is an excellent build up for the "Kick it". Chord progression is perfect and modulation at bar 17 is very great, loved the lead.

Melodious estrangement is awesome, gives your song a proggy feel and a kind of mysterious "aura".

Grim fate revealed is great too. I hope your drummer has done his cardio workout in the last few weeks :P

Lead thing is pretty great and totally rocks on! Same for hapless descent. What a great way to transition to the next riff.

I'll be Bach.... My favorite part. What a good breakdown. I was about to say the song had "rushy" feeling to it. But this part really is awesome and brings out what I was hoping for. I guess your drummer will be glad also to have a small break.

Intense rumination is my least favorite one. It's good, but at this point it's hard to distinguish it from previous riff. I think this is the only critique I can find about the song : some of the riffs appears to be very similar, at least at a first glance. It's not that the riffs aren't good, but some don't really stand out of the rest. You really need to listen to it a few times to appreciate it, because it is so rich.

Bar 107 is great. The chords are so great. I don't know why but I had reminiscences of opeth's songwriting style.

Guitar solo is not bad... but I don't feel like it's very good. That's my second least favorite part. I think the problem is not the solo itself, but the backing rythm. It feels a bit weird.

The ending is very great. You really feel a kind of release of all the energy that have been building up since the beggining of the song. It really feels like a good closure with the tempo slowing down.

Well good job on that pal! That was awesome, and this is an understatement. Can't wait to listen to it played IRL. I'll sure check your other songs when I'll have some free times. You are a hell of a good songwriter.

PS: laughed at the name of the bass track hahahaha :P

Cheers!
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Old 07-28-2012, 10:57 AM   #11
Tarbosh
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Thanks for the crit!

****, I sure wish I had a drummer that could get tired playing this song, but unfortunately I don't have a band. I've actually never really been in one, despite the fairly long time I've been into music. I just write my songs, and plan to record them when I get the means.

Also, it's interesting you should remark how that one part sounds like Opeth, because they're by far my favorite band. Baron of Fog is actually a whole song I did as a tribute to them, if you're interested.
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