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Old 08-24-2012, 08:57 PM   #1
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In Faith

standing on the side of love is a minute to minute action
electrically driven by millions simultaneously crashing
waves of hope to erode dogmatic fashion
keeping the underclass underfed dressed naked to keep from asking
why

why is cash-flow at the center of political centrifuge
while the poverty stricken are scapegoated for upper class buzzworthy news
meant to instill the message that there is something to lose
by touching the bare hands of a black man without gloves
that something unidentifiably precious will bruise
by standing on the side of love

why do we discuss which rape is legitimate
while lives are wasted trying to mitigate
how to feed a daughter of a rapist and a mother
whose stuck without options in a prison of highjacked Catholicism
quoting approximated jesus out of biblical assumptions

thumbs of hatred stuck firmly in the business of stopping abortion
blocking gay marriage legality while pro-porting
a land of the free
from sea to shining sea we are waterlogged as a nation
wrought with holes of desperate individualism
children strapped and addicted to psychotic medication

the home of the brave but when development push came to shove
we as a country chose to stand against the side of love

now in 2012, we must come together, maintain eye contact with the least of one another
hold out our hands without fear of deceiving eachother
pray for our fallen, no matter their background
always remember, a sister is always a sister, a brother always a brother

to reclaim our dignity as a global political entity
we must venture outside of the terminology of national security
we must forgo sleep when cities outlaw feeding those in poverty
we must hold up our crosses and symbols and sons
as how they exist in their absolute purity
as hope, patience, humility
whether you believe in heaven on earth or above
to live and die truly free
you must stand on the side of love
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Old 08-24-2012, 08:58 PM   #2
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I wrote this for a video contest. it is spoken word which is why it is not heavily punctuated.

you may find the video here: https://vimeo.com/48175697
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Old 08-26-2012, 12:01 AM   #3
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One of your best in my opinion, mainly because of the way it flows; it really grabbed me.
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Old 08-26-2012, 12:04 PM   #4
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this was awesome!
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Old 08-28-2012, 01:48 PM   #5
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thanks a lot guys
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Old 08-29-2012, 01:11 AM   #6
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Oh my god, I fuking loved this. Needs to be published. Not sure where I stand on the absence of puncuation, though..... part of me thought it worked well, part of me was annoyed at times.
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Old 08-29-2012, 01:35 AM   #7
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you're a really good reader. it's tough to talk about all this stuff tactfully but you did a pretty solid job here, dyl.
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Old 08-29-2012, 09:43 AM   #8
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This song sucked, your lines were too long, so long in fact, I dare you to perform this; If I were a record producer, I'd have binned this, it's not catchy, it's too much, it's like snoaring but a song.

A few rules to remember kid; keep it short, keep it sweet, and none of these paragrahps to do simple A A A A rhymes.

The fact that you had to force my attention span and everyone seems to love it, makes me wonder if anyone here actually knows what they're talking about.... Find some exisiting lyrics and compare them to yours, you'd see, by far, that you wrote way too much for this to be taken seriously.

I know what I'm talking about and I don't b/s people.
I'm not going to be polite and lie saying it's good because I got a rhyme or two.
You need to work on your song writing and make things less complex, compare yourself to the greats, and see what you're doing wrong... I've told you but, it's up to you to listen. Most of what I read was unnecessary fat that you've got to trim.
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look nigga, if you're chillin with 5 bros and 2 hos, you're gonna wanna pay attention to all of em equally. not moon over the hos forever and laugh at every shitty thing they say and just stare at them all night, like some of my mates do.

Last edited by treborillusion : 08-29-2012 at 10:04 AM.
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Old 08-29-2012, 10:43 AM   #9
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^Not sure if serious. It's a freestyle beat POEM, not a song's lyrics.
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Old 08-29-2012, 01:52 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by treborillusion
This song sucked, your lines were too long, so long in fact, I dare you to perform this; If I were a record producer, I'd have binned this, it's not catchy, it's too much, it's like snoaring but a song.

A few rules to remember kid; keep it short, keep it sweet, and none of these paragrahps to do simple A A A A rhymes.

The fact that you had to force my attention span and everyone seems to love it, makes me wonder if anyone here actually knows what they're talking about.... Find some exisiting lyrics and compare them to yours, you'd see, by far, that you wrote way too much for this to be taken seriously.

I know what I'm talking about and I don't b/s people.
I'm not going to be polite and lie saying it's good because I got a rhyme or two.
You need to work on your song writing and make things less complex, compare yourself to the greats, and see what you're doing wrong... I've told you but, it's up to you to listen. Most of what I read was unnecessary fat that you've got to trim.


my response is one of love when I say:
when someone has to go out of their way to say that they know what they are talking about, they generally do not know what they are talking about.

but, to humor you, dare accepted.
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Old 08-29-2012, 04:02 PM   #11
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Rofl.

Solid work Dylan.
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Old 08-29-2012, 06:08 PM   #12
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I tripple dog dare you to recite it. rofl
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look nigga, if you're chillin with 5 bros and 2 hos, you're gonna wanna pay attention to all of em equally. not moon over the hos forever and laugh at every shitty thing they say and just stare at them all night, like some of my mates do.
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Old 08-29-2012, 06:24 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by treborillusion
I tripple dog dare you to recite it. rofl


https://vimeo.com/48175697

There you go buddy
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Old 08-29-2012, 06:48 PM   #14
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Hmmmm...
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Originally Posted by laid-to-waste
look nigga, if you're chillin with 5 bros and 2 hos, you're gonna wanna pay attention to all of em equally. not moon over the hos forever and laugh at every shitty thing they say and just stare at them all night, like some of my mates do.
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Old 08-31-2012, 02:42 AM   #15
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Yeah, this is well done but I'm still distraught by how un-catchy it is.



No really, this is great
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Old 08-31-2012, 07:48 AM   #16
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This thing is like a big poetic monolog.
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look nigga, if you're chillin with 5 bros and 2 hos, you're gonna wanna pay attention to all of em equally. not moon over the hos forever and laugh at every shitty thing they say and just stare at them all night, like some of my mates do.
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Old 09-01-2012, 07:20 PM   #17
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exactly.
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Old 09-01-2012, 09:27 PM   #18
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say whatever you want about this, .. but kudos for the soundcloud music accompanyment. That should be more the norm up in this b

+1
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Old 09-02-2012, 08:24 PM   #19
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Stunning. Well crafted I love it!
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Old 09-02-2012, 09:04 PM   #20
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Can't say I agree with all of it politically, but the writing is f**king great. Honestly, I could see this even being used in a rap, similar to the Flobots style.

And to Treborillusion, it clearly states it's a spoken word poem, not top 40 lyrics
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