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Old 08-29-2012, 01:22 PM   #1
Fredmac12
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Tomorrow

Tomorrow

Its hard to avoid the inevitable
Wait long enough that's what you'll do
So close to greener pastures
Too afraid to move
You can't escape the wind,
Hide away and it will go
Then when you return
The paths will've changed anew

Chorus:

But it was always tomorrow
That I thought I'd catch you
So close but never there
Always another day
It could wait
So I'd stop and stare
Chasing after shadows
Blinded by the fog
That always hid tomorrow

I always hear them talking
And catch the sideways glances
No one likes the pressure
But that's no excuse
The silence of the stillness
Lingers on
Pierced by the cries
On the path found anew

Working progress at the moment. Anyone's thoughts?

Last edited by Fredmac12 : 08-29-2012 at 01:26 PM.
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Old 09-04-2012, 12:38 AM   #2
Something_Vague
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Location: Columbus, Ohio
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fredmac12
Tomorrow

Its hard to avoid the inevitable
Wait long enough that's what you'll do
So close to greener pastures
Too afraid to move
You can't escape the wind,
Hide away and it will go
Then when you return
The paths will've changed anew

What dreadful maze have you brought upon me? The rhyming scheme is bad. Also, by definition of inevitable, it's not hard, it's impossible, otherwise it would n't be inevitable. Uhhhh what else...what else, I think the biggest thing is that you're not saying anything concrete. You've taken me to:

Green(er) pastures that are windy.

You're not giving me anything, give me something fuckin' tangible man. What is so god damn green about the pastures. Why are they windy, what the hell are you doing there. Give the reader something to god damn grab on too otherwise I'm just reading symbols with no meaning. None, Zilch.



xx
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Old 09-04-2012, 10:57 AM   #3
Fredmac12
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There isn't actually a rhyming scheme, so how can it be bad. 'greener pastures' is actually just a phrase, meaning like a better place. The point of the song is to be ambiguous not just a simple 'concrete' story, you're meant to think about it not just get upset that all isn't clear at first read. You picked up on the word 'inevitable' and wrote a completely unconstructive rant about how you think it's a poor choice of word. Fair enough but be polite and say that and maybe suggest alternatives. Also I never said the pastures (that aren't an actual thing) were windy, you've come up with that yourself. You've completely missed the point of the piece and frankly been quite offensive and not really constructive.
I think you should actually read into lyrics think what they might mean and don't just expec to be spoon-fed.
Regards, Freddie.
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Old 09-04-2012, 01:26 PM   #4
Something_Vague
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Location: Columbus, Ohio
Dude, suck it up and learn.
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Old 09-04-2012, 05:36 PM   #5
Fredmac12
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And learn what exactly? You've said so little constructive and can't even give a response beyond that one line. You can have your opinion, but it need not be voiced without anything helpful added, you could've just ignored something you don't seem to even attempt to appreciate.
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