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Old 09-07-2012, 09:06 PM   #1
Jammydude44
Bad Santa
 
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Mouse/Cheese, Man/

Throw breath a leaf vison swept up
in elision and contact your nearest
physician - wax up in smart moon,
scoop feta from sensual droogs then
deep-ridge assault the natural brogues
or seams in el natural feminine dress,
countess, make sure the credible loon
sneaks several brandied slaps of parfum
or else make 'em laugh and send in the
boys with unoriginal toys or ideas that make
sad twigs sag and snap under hot-dog
tonguoid, send shiver down the spine of
a bap and goosepimple sesame seeds,
rock a tune-billy swagger on the horn
where make-out lips blooger and arooga
like two half-dusty nonchalants breaking
convention on the crest of a wave from an
elderly aunt done visiting for the day,
sadlessly porting the snitters from afar
into a much closer, breathy, stalemate
where the ceiling is even and the floorboards
are plenty with gaps and intrigue.
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Old 09-07-2012, 09:14 PM   #2
Arthur Curry
yabba dabba doo
 
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#1 stunner

really awesome
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Last edited by Arthur Curry : 09-07-2012 at 09:15 PM.
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Old 09-08-2012, 08:59 AM   #3
ali.guitarkid7
A techno beat
 
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How do you do it?
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Old 09-08-2012, 09:45 AM   #4
seventh_angel
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I only have a problem with this. I mean, the wording is exquisitely delicious and the rhyming is top notch, the words flow better than some of the best poems; the problem is that I felt you weren't saying anything. It's really cool to read out loud, but every time I get to the end, it seems like I missed the point. Also, I felt like it needed full stops here and there, but maybe that's the style of this, so I won't make a big deal out of that.

This was an enjoyable read, it just saddened me that I felt like you weren't really saying anything.

Keep on posting though, your writing styles are always impressive and inspirational
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Old 09-10-2012, 04:45 AM   #5
Petey Cook
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Cool

Quote:
This was an enjoyable read, it just saddened me that I felt like you weren't really saying anything.


To be honest, I'd say it wasn't enjoyable. Due to the not saying anything part.

Rock On
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Old 09-10-2012, 04:41 PM   #6
Dæmönika
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Location: Aberdeen, Scotland
Stream-of-consciousness much?
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Old 09-10-2012, 05:04 PM   #7
#1 synth
Weeow!
 
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"hot-dog tonguoid"

awesome.
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