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Old 09-15-2012, 07:09 PM   #1
treborillusion
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Bad News

I've got the pages and I've got the poems
and God only knows and woa - No

I've got the feeling, I've got a soul
I hit the ceiling, I loose all control - Yeah

I've hit the bottom, and fallen through
I'll tunnel in under, comming for you - Yeah

And when you see me I'm with bad news
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laid-to-waste
look nigga, if you're chillin with 5 bros and 2 hos, you're gonna wanna pay attention to all of em equally. not moon over the hos forever and laugh at every shitty thing they say and just stare at them all night, like some of my mates do.
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Old 09-15-2012, 07:16 PM   #2
ali.guitarkid7
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lose*
coming*

I hope this isn't too blunt, but this piece didn't have much going for it. Not much at all, I would say. Most of what you said read like cliched regurgitation of the past 10 years' worth of pop songs, so this was really lacking in substance and meaning. Flow wasn't really anything special either.

I don't mean to be mean, just honest, honestly. Keep writing though, you'll get there.
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poo-tee-tweet, motherfucker
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Old 09-15-2012, 07:28 PM   #3
treborillusion
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Thank you, for the corrections...

Lose, Coming, gracias.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laid-to-waste
look nigga, if you're chillin with 5 bros and 2 hos, you're gonna wanna pay attention to all of em equally. not moon over the hos forever and laugh at every shitty thing they say and just stare at them all night, like some of my mates do.
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Old 09-15-2012, 08:30 PM   #4
Arthur Curry
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ali.guitarkid7
lose*
coming*


loose could mean release

"comming" could be a reference to the Unix utility "comm" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comm), although i don't see why that would be the case
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Old 09-16-2012, 12:46 PM   #5
treborillusion
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I could swap the o with a u.

But it's coming.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laid-to-waste
look nigga, if you're chillin with 5 bros and 2 hos, you're gonna wanna pay attention to all of em equally. not moon over the hos forever and laugh at every shitty thing they say and just stare at them all night, like some of my mates do.
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