Go Back   UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com > Music > Songwriting & Lyrics
User Name  
Password
Search:

Reply
Old 09-20-2012, 01:52 PM   #1
Mr.Pink101
Ribbed for her pleasure
 
Mr.Pink101's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In your wallet
Untitled (OTS)

I don't care about your self esteem
We will not conjure love from thin air
just **** me and get it over with
Harder. Harder
Make me not hate myself
Make me forget
Make me wish I had better judgement
when you leave and I'm off
with the door blown wide shut infront of me.
us.
Leave me like all the others
leave me beyond speechless
talking, speaking words in paradoxcyclical
circles, boiling down to
"I love you"
before we end at the beginning


It's very raw, but I really wanted to get the opinion of S&L, advice and such. C4C
__________________
Music is an art form that celebrates potential. So long as you're looking for it, you'll always find it.
Mr.Pink101 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2012, 01:58 PM   #2
BjarnedeGraaf
UG's bear
 
BjarnedeGraaf's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
I like it, but I didn't understand the word: "paradoxcyclical" (not from england/US) so you kind of lost me there. I looked it up, but google didnt really know it either until i used a space (paradox - cyclical).

Now I do know what a paradox is so Im gonna go ahead and assume that is what you meant.
Really use of less "fancy" words would suit better, seeing as the rest isn't as "fancy" too.

other than that, I liked it a lot
__________________
My Soundcloud

My beginner rig:

Epiphone Goth G-400
Line 6 Spider IV (Don't judge me, I was young and stupid)
Stagg SW203N
BjarnedeGraaf is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2012, 02:02 PM   #3
Mr.Pink101
Ribbed for her pleasure
 
Mr.Pink101's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In your wallet
Quote:
Originally Posted by BjarnedeGraaf
I like it, but I didn't understand the word: "paradoxcyclical"

Ahaha, yeah, It's not actually a word. It's the combination of paradox and cyclical, playing on the whole idea of bad relationship after bad relationship. She (perspective) wants someone to make her happy but only gets treated the same way.
I pronounce it Para-dock-sick-lick-al, when I read it out, if that helps with the flow in any way.

Thanks for the crit, it's appreciated
__________________
Music is an art form that celebrates potential. So long as you're looking for it, you'll always find it.
Mr.Pink101 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2012, 03:08 PM   #4
Factor13x
Use Your Imagination
 
Factor13x's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Marion, Indiana
yea that word kind of lost me too lol but its not a big deal but my only advice would be to switch the make me forget line with the make me wish i had better judgement that way its kind of involving both the make me not hate myself and the judgment line into just make me forget it all
__________________
Lyrics:
To The Grave
The Marionette
Our Last Dance
DaVinci Would Be Jealous
An Angel No More

Gear:
Jackson DKXT Dinky
Silver Star Semi-Hollow Body
Peavey Vypyr 30w, 1 x 12 Combo Amp
Korg Nanopad
Factor13x is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:50 AM.

Forum Archives / About / Terms of Use / Advertise / Contact / Ultimate-Guitar.Com © 2014
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.